Is this the new CF normal?

We have no children but were quite generous (we think so anyway) to our nieces. We paid for the honeymoon for niece 1, as well as making the wedding cake with lots of hand made sugar flowers. Private thanks and acknowledgement at wedding. All good. Second niece didn't look like she was going to marry so we gifted her the same amount. No 'thanks!' Then about 3 months later a wedding was announced. Groom said 'well, we've already booked a holiday- this will be good as spends on ice cream' FYI it was £1000!. THEN, when wedding date was set a gift list was received. Oh, and also made their cake, again with hand made sugar flowers which took hours to make.

If they couldn't be arsed to write or email a personal thank you for your £££ wedding gift, they'd be getting fuck all from me.
I took smart stationery on my honeymoon with me, and wrote at least 2 thank you letters every day and posted them all the day after we got back.

Totally agree with you. (Aww thanks, they are lovely humans and they definitely deserve it!)

That’s lovely of you. Lucky girls.

Yeah, we’ve done thank you cards from our two since they had their new baby gifts. We buy some cheap photo ones online every year after their birthday - not that that’s necessary of course. I’d be a bit disappointed to say the least if my DC grew up to not take some time to say thank you properly for a gift.

That’s fair enough but it’s still a lot but obviously up to you!
I think my problem would be if the people were ungrateful, which I think they were when a personal thank you wasn’t given.

Get them an in ear thermometer, the most useful thing they don’t know they need. Job done.

Get them an in ear thermometer, the most useful thing they don’t know they need. Job done.

Very, very important to say thank you properly.

I recently gave my only niece a lot of money (£1000’s +++) towards her first flat and neither she nor her parents thanked me. She won’t be getting much as a wedding present!

Incredibly rude and entitled.

I've never been married and never asked for any gifts for my now 2 year old DD. My family were pretty generous but I never thought of asking for anything. It's just tacky imo .

Absolutely! Went to NDN's wedding reception a couple of years ago and they requested money towards their honeymoon. I was happy to oblige, but I know they wouldn't have minded if we hadn't given them any money.

DD has lots of friends who have had babies this year, and they all seem to be delighted with the garments I have knitted. In fact, I have had requests for some more! Knitting stops me from snacking in the evening!

My " children" are all at that wedding, baby stage and have all sent out handwritten thank you cards.
No lists at all for the babies.
Most of their friends have done the same.
There are some younger people left who have manners.

Couldn’t work out how the marriage was legal without a registrar. Took most of the post to work out you meant register. Most people are now grabby and self-centred.

Yabu because some of that just is how things are done now (email thank you and gift registries).

But you are only being unreasonable of you don't feel able to just shrug about it because you know that you don't have to actually follow the list. You can just pretend it doesn't exist and buy something cute that's in your budget.

It's a wish list, not a requirement.

Imo it's crazy to give anything if you expect anything in return. I gave generously to a cousin and didn't hear a dicky bird. So what? I hope they enjoyed the gift as much as i enjoyed the weddinf and I hope they enjoyed even more not having to wrote hundreds of thank yous to "sing for their supper". The only difference between you and me is that I'm not worked up about it.

I think gift registers are a great idea. The new couple or new parents get what they need, instead of random stuff that they might not need and that doesn't match. And it's a great way not to end up with three toasters or the same three baby books.

We got married 13 years ago and we set up a holiday account with Virgin Holidays and gave the link to anyone who asked. I know people think it's tacky but we didn't need anything but people kept asking us what they could buy us. I wrote a thank you card to anyone who contributed or gave us a present - I'd have been embarrassed if I hadn't! I prefer giving money over buying presents.

I've never seen a registry for a baby thankfully and wouldn't buy off it. Then again I wouldn't go to a baby shower either!

Still waiting for a thank you for a cash gift given to a close family member (younger generation) when they got married last December. Nothing, not even a generic email or text.

Knitted cardigan present is so thoughtful and cute. I remember crying when I opened some before my son was born (good tears). I think it’s a bit tacky to have a gift list for a new baby. I’m sure you’ll put most people’s backs up by doing it. Wedding, it’s traditional but I can see nowadays people have already moved in together / own / rent their own homes etc so asking for cash makes sense. However, I think it’s polite to say “it’s just your presence not your presents we would like” to give people the choice.

Wow, I’m shocked!!
I definitely wouldn’t buy anything from the registry for the baby! Just buy what you’d like to and hopefully they’ll be grateful!!

@Sadworld23 I very much doubt @UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld will be bothered about being struck off your Christmas card list love, considering they were clearly brought up with no regard and most certainly no manners whatsoever!

I always wrote thank you letters for any gift I received, monetary or physical, from being a child. It is the done thing in my view. I also wrote personal thank you letters after my wedding in 1995, mentioning the gift and how I'd used/spent it.
It's all down to manners and common courtesy, both things seem to be sadly lacking these days.

I also think wedding registers are grabby, rude and entitled. It's ok to ask for money or gift vouchers, but as an aside to the main reason, that they'd love for you to attend the wedding and share their celebration.
Baby showers aren't something I can get on board with. Very entitled, again grabby and showy, just for having a baby! No, you will get a gift, even of your own choosing, if you need something specific, after the event and not before!

Hard disagree to this. All gifts should receive a personal thank you. Ideally a card, or a letter.
Where have decency and manners gone?

Weddings, happy to give money, baby showers and births, nothing unless immediate family for a birth, I wouldn’t go to a baby shower in the first place.

Nah you’re not wrong one bit. I’ve got a good male friend. When he got married it said on the invitation we will only accept money as a gift. I found it tacky. So tacky that I only had it in me to give them £50. Had it not been on the invitation and worded that way I would have given more. And we didn’t even get a generic thank you let alone a personal one! Now they’re pregnant and just had their baby shower. On the invitation we were sent the gift registry where we could buy their things. It just doesn’t sit well with me. I’m getting married soon and have everything I need. I will be asking for people to donate to a charity instead.

Manners have gone out of the door in this country. There is a feeling of entitlement everywhere, it horrible.

It's totally crass rude ignorant and entitled. I knew it wouldn't be long before these dreadful money demands would start to infiltrate other occasions and not just weddings