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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this the new CF normal?

363 replies

arcticpandas · 16/08/2025 14:44

When I married DH we didn't have a "registar" or anything like that. We said your presence is your gift to us and meant it. Some still gave objects or money in cards. We were ofcourse greatful and thanked them.
As for when our sons were born we got gifts for them from family and friends; all from clothing to toys etc. Mil offered us the stroller that we got to pick out. An aunt and an uncle sent us money. Friends and family sent toys/books/clothing. We thanked everyone and sent out thank you cards.

Now the "new generation" (in their thirties) of family members and friends marrying and having children seem to be really CF (or we're extremely unlucky). Three weddings recently (2 family not close and 1 friends children). All of them asked for money. Ok, fine. Then we get e-mails about where to transfer money. Ok. Then follow up email saying for those who can't transfer there will be a box on the wedding where we can put card with money. It also states we can do both ofcourse (!). We gave 300 £ to family and 200 £ to friends children- never received a personal thank you, just a generic thank you e-mail that went out to all on the list. This for all 3 weddings.

Now two family members have given birth. I was looking forward to find nice gifts that would also be useful. Well, that was until I received e-mails from both couples (they used the wedding group mail) where they stated that monetary gifts for the baby can be transferred on x account and for those wanting to buy physical gifts they have a registar in two different shops. One with extremely pricey clothing (the least expensive gift they had chosen was 65£) and one with wooden toys and furniture (also extremely expensive but there were some things around 50-70£).

I just don't want to get any of them anything. It's on my DH side so I will let him deal with it. I just can't get over their greediness and entitlement. Some of their family members are wealthy but some not at all but they will still buy something and then maybe eat pasta for the rest of the month. I don't remember anyone doing this 15-20 years ago. We surely didn't. I wouldn't dream of doing it because it just feels like CFuckery.

AIBU?
YES- At 45 you're old and do not understand that this is how it's done now.
NO- It's wrong to pressure family and friends into giving things they might not afford.

OP posts:
IndieRocknRoll · 16/08/2025 15:10

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 16/08/2025 14:58

People don't want loads of tat they aren't going to use like nappy cakes, twenty "cute new baby photoframes", Mr and Mrs glasses. Equally, people don't tend to marry and then move in together so don't need stuff to set up a new home.

Money is the thing they need most. Whether for honeymoon or home improvement or for the child's future etc

No, I don't think it's cheeky at all. It's still just asking for what they want.

If the baby list is too expensive, give money.

And you got a thank you. Sorry that they didn't fawn all over you for being so generous

People will still give money/vouchers even if you don’t ask and actually if someone gave me £200 as a gift yes I would be fawning all over them! You’re clearly the sort of person OP is referencing.

You’re not BU Op. They sound grabby and classless.
I’m not sure it’s a generational thing though - people were asking for money, accompanied by a shitty little poem, when I got married 20 years ago.
We didn’t ask for money or any gifts but still got plenty which was much appreciated.

Silverbirchleaf · 16/08/2025 15:08

I think with so many people setting up home prior to getting married, then there’s less need for presents at weddings, so I can kinda see why monetary gifts are requested, although I don’t like it. Not sending a thank-you card, or thanking you in person is rude though.

However, never heard it for children before. I’d ignore and just get a gift. It’s not up to other people to decide how you spend your money!

Poopeepoopee · 16/08/2025 15:06

You asked them what they wanted and they told you.

Anewuser · 16/08/2025 15:02

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 16/08/2025 14:58

People don't want loads of tat they aren't going to use like nappy cakes, twenty "cute new baby photoframes", Mr and Mrs glasses. Equally, people don't tend to marry and then move in together so don't need stuff to set up a new home.

Money is the thing they need most. Whether for honeymoon or home improvement or for the child's future etc

No, I don't think it's cheeky at all. It's still just asking for what they want.

If the baby list is too expensive, give money.

And you got a thank you. Sorry that they didn't fawn all over you for being so generous

I don’t see the generic email for a £200 is a proper ‘thank you’. I don’t think she wanted to be fawned over but it’s not difficult to send a personalised thank you. I’m pretty sure the bride and groom probably managed to write their names on the wedding invitation.

Livpool · 16/08/2025 15:02

Oh my god that is so cheeky!

I got married 10 years ago and still can’t believe that not sending thank you cards seems to be the norm now- so rude.

Denim4ever · 16/08/2025 15:00

Re money - people definitely get more than if you buy a gift unless you are very careful. Upthread it says £300 for family. I don't think anyone other than a parent is giving a£300 present.

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 16/08/2025 14:58

People don't want loads of tat they aren't going to use like nappy cakes, twenty "cute new baby photoframes", Mr and Mrs glasses. Equally, people don't tend to marry and then move in together so don't need stuff to set up a new home.

Money is the thing they need most. Whether for honeymoon or home improvement or for the child's future etc

No, I don't think it's cheeky at all. It's still just asking for what they want.

If the baby list is too expensive, give money.

And you got a thank you. Sorry that they didn't fawn all over you for being so generous

Glitchymn1 · 16/08/2025 14:54

Well…… the problem is with doing it your way is you could end up with the same thing- have a pile of wrapping waste and making a lot of charitable donations.

Saying that I wouldn’t make a list or ask for money, but most people seem to give either money, vouchers or send the receipt with the gift these days?

Slobberchops1 · 16/08/2025 14:53

I’ve been for 5 weddings over the past few years and not even had a thank you email- so rude

the baby gift thing I kind of get, they have an idea of what they find useful - just gift them what you have already purchased.

I. hated having useless stuff given for my baby because I knew it would be a waste , of course I said thank you and took it to charity shop or sold it .

Cracklingsilverwear · 16/08/2025 14:50

A very close relative (e.g my son / daughter having a baby etc) I would ask - what can I get you? - let them pick out the pram / car seat / cot or whatever they needed and I would gladly pay. I’d buy them some little surprises too.

anyone else having a baby - family or friend I would either buy a little book or toy or baby fro etc . No way am I buying off an expensive gift list - it is a token present

Baptism - I always buy a Bible book - as that’s what baptism is about . God - not expensive gifts.

I think people are very entitled nowadays and cheeky - I wouldn’t have dreamt of drawing up gift lists when I was pregnant especially not like the one in op where minimum spend is so expensive.

i

mmsnet · 16/08/2025 14:50

they are beggars and cheapskates

toomuchfaff · 16/08/2025 14:48

Buy them some plastic tat from pound land.

Bendystretchystraw · 16/08/2025 14:46

You’re not wrong!

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