Is this the new CF normal?

No just not raised to fawn pathetically over people

And to give because I want to make the other person happy, not give so they praise me

It's normal and expected in some cultures, although I expect you wouldn't be asking the question if that were the case here.

I can see why it's not going down well but with costs soaring everywhere, I can also see why the culture might be changing. It does make more practical sense (which is why so many cultures do it).

Never had any of these requests and wouldn't entertain them. The thought of sending my bank details out to my wedding guests with a request for money makes me sick. Some people have no shame.

You're expecting them to fanny around sending potential 50+ personalised emails gushing about how wonderful each person is

They thanked everyone

Just because you wanted them to personally acknowledge you were so wonderful to give them so much (£300 is a ridiculous amount)

Buy them a voucher for one of the shops they’ve listed. Then you can just gift say £25 if you want. I bought £25 worth of premium bonds for my friends new grandson but the parents are sent some kind of acceptance form and if they don’t fill it in the money is refunded to you

A relative of mine recently had a baby and I got roped into going into the baby shower, for which we were each expected to pay £30 for our afternoon tea and bring a gift. There was an approved gift list but I went off piste and got an outfit from Primark and a toy from the supermarket baby event. No thank you card for the gifts. I also attended a wedding this summer for which we gave a cash gift as requested and also no thank you.

@Arlanymor has hit the nail 💯 I think this is endemic of an encroaching wider culture of 'celebrate everything that I am and everything that I do!'

Think I’m at ‘yeh me’ fatigue stage…for decades bent over backwards for others, as is so often the way received very little in return. Much happier and content thinking not my 🎪 not my monkey and have to say nothing beats the sound of no requests, invites or notifications!

I don't ask for anything. I'm happy to trust people.

I also think if you give exessively and expect fawning over then you are giving for your own gratification rather than to make the person happy

When I give gifts, be it a small handmade token or buying a Coke when out or whatever, I'm doing it for the person. Not the praise

I'm your age, when we got married we received random vouchers, cash and gifts having stated we didn't need anything, and every gifted received a handwritten thank you card.

Same for babies, parents bought use some bigger items but friends sent mostly clothing gifts, Next, Mothercare etc. Again, personal thank yous for every gift.

The world is generally more entitled and unfortunately more grabby these days, I.blame SM

I find couples requesting money as a wedding gift tacky, especially because that’s what most people do these days anyway.

A relative of mine and his fiancée sent e-invites with a link for guests to contribute to the cost of their dream honeymoon in the Maldives! They didn’t go to the Maldives but did get his and her cosmetic surgery in Turkey.

They had a thank you

They didn't deem it good enough

Saying "I gave £200, I expected a personal thank you" is very much expecting fawning for being so generous

You're not far wrong.

Somewhere along the lines with these people manners and consideration have bred out and entitlement has taken its place.

"I will give what I want to give. How dare you ask for what you need"

Comes across as very much the gift is about you giving it rather than the person receiving it

You aren’t being unreasonable. Not close family tried same this end. Two babies born in last 14 months. As a giver. Hardest thing was to not send even a card but where do you draw the line? It’s not appreciated and all just expected. They’ve never personally bought my DC anything and so don’t mind being slated. Why does every hanger on have to give so much for their private life events?

In my social circle, registers or wishlist have become more common, and I can see why - it prevents things going to waste if it's just not something that the couple would use, or if it duplicates another gift or what they already have. However the people I know who have done this have always made a point of having a lot of low price items. Similarly it's common to request money towards a honeymoon rather than wedding gifts because of people living together, but there's been no comment on the amount and I've received personal a personal thank you. I think it's your friends/family that are the issue, rather than the trend!

People don't have to have tat. They can ask for and receive money gratefully. But if someone bothers to give you £200 or £300, you show a bit of thoughtfulness and give them 5 minutes of your time to say thank you to them, personally - by email, phone call or letter. If you can't spend 5 minutes doing that, then you shouldn't be keeping the money. It wasn't the price they paid to attend your special day. It was a gift from them to you personally - part of a relationship not a business transaction - and relationships involve a bit of effort from both sides.

I'm with you. For weddings I like a register giving towards gifts that last a lifetime and make a home for the couple. If they already have that then I think they don't really need wedding gifts. I'm 46 and still need homewares so I find it surprising / unbelievable that a 30yo has everything. I absolutely hate requests for money towards a holiday. So cheeky but at least it's a couple gift.

For babies a babygrow or little outfit is nice. Usually in bigger sizes or if you had children get something you found useful like a particular pram toy that worked well. I wouldn't buy off a list. If someone gave me a link to a register of expensive baby gear I'd ignore it.

I think this is endemic of an encroaching wider culture of 'celebrate everything that I am and everything that I do!' I go to weddings, I go to funerals, I go to (some) birthday parties - I don't go to baby showers, I don't go to engagement parties, I don't go abroad for a week for hen/hag dos, I don't go to 'graduations' from nurseries... it's all got so out of hand and it's so self-aggrandising.

If that makes me sound miserable, so be it. I celebrate with my closest loved ones in all manner of ways - I'm going to stay for a long weekend in a cottage in Somerset for a friend's 50th at the end of the month. It's 2.5 hours' drive from my home, I'm unofficial godmother to his children who will also be there, it'll only be the five of us and I can't wait. It's self-catering so we'll take enough stuff for our first night and then go and do a joint shop on the first morning, so it's all fair.

It's not that I don't like joining in other people's happiness or celebrating their job, but it's become such a money suck now, and every week there seems to be a new way of getting people to put their hands in their pockets just because we've reached a 'milestone' - which wouldn't have been considered a milestone 10-15 years ago (I'm close to your age @arcticpandas, I'm 46).

I went to a wedding two years ago - it was an old friend's second wedding - they expressly asked for people NOT to offer gifts because they have enough and they were genuinely just happy to share their second chance at love with the people they cared about the most. I bought them a bespoke lovespoon and had it engraved with their initials - didn't cost the earth, but I thought it was a nice token and is culturally something I do for people I care about. I had the nicest thank you card with a lovely photo enclosed showing where they had put it up in their house. A generic email is not a thank you - it's lacking effort.

When I was pregnant I did an amazon wish list with most things £5-£20. I also put couple of expensive bits £80-£100 on because I could purchase them at a discount afterwards.
To my surprise the expensive things were purchased.
I didn’t expect anything but made a wish list of things to give inspiration.

To basically demand money is cheeky!

This! A generic email thanking everyone for their donations to your fund is not a thank you! It's worse than no acknowledgement at all as it strongly suggests" I cba to reply to you personally.'

I wonder if their invitations went out by email too, and they just replied to all with the same thank you message. Maybe even to those who did not donate!