Is this the new CF normal?

We are in our early 30s and got married last year, we let our guests know we only wanted to share our day with them and didn't expect anything more. Some people did give us gifts and money and we were incredibly grateful. We sent everyone who came to the wedding a handwritten thank you card. We are now expecting a baby and wouldn't dream of asking for anything from anyone but again, would appreciate the thoughtfulness of any gift our child receives.

We've never been to a wedding or babyshower that specifically asks for money or high priced products but I can see how off putting it would be, we've both grown up with "it's the thought that counts" being the most important thing!

The last wedding I was invited to, I didn't actually know the happy couple, I knew one of their relatives. However the invitation appeared and I was quite touched, then a request for money fell out of it and I was stunned. Contrast that with a relative of mine who didn't include a wedding list because (according to his mother) 'he thinks it's cheeky'.

IMO, you wait until you are asked what you would like and you don't ask for money unless that's your cultural norm. Vouchers are fine.

do the money thing.
transfer 50p

For weddings and baby gifts we have always received a photo card of either wedding or the baby with a thank you printed on said card.
This seems so much easier than years ago as I remember sitting writing thank you notes using my wedding book where I had written down what gifts we had received and who had given them. A very tedious task and was so glad when I had finished. Nearly as bad as sending out Christmas cards which I no longer do.

Not normal at all, for the wedding or the baby gifts.
They are rude CF's.

It seems I’m not alone in feeling that, if someone has given you a gift, it’s good to show appreciation for their thoughtfulness, time, or generosity, by taking a couple of minutes to send them a quick personal thank you.

After receiving a gift, you’d have to be pretty selfish to think “I’m not faffing about and wasting my valuable time - it’s about me, not them”.

OP, I’m with you. I think handwritten letters are lovely, but it doesn’t take long to set up a template, copy and paste, then change some relevant details to personalise an email. The generic mailing list message feels lazy and entitled; I wouldn’t be inspired to be generous to people who are demanding and impolite!

I have sent some handmade gifts (useful and nice, promise) to couples who have had babies, it’s lovely when you receive a personalised thank you.

a couple never said thank you whatsoever which isn’t great but nevermind

I have yet to be invited to a gender reveal @Ilovepastafortea and @UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld but refuse to go to baby showers (can't think of anything worse). I give a gift to the new baby when I see it.

If you could see his handwriting, you wouldn't even ask! But I did insist that he signed the cards.

I hate this attitude from people nowadays . There’s just no thought or gratitude anymore . I personally think if you’ve given someone £300 and they can’t be bothered to say a proper thank you then they are rude and they don’t deserve another penny .

Manners are going down the pan and it’s really sad . No one gives a shit about anyone else but themselves and what they can get from a situation . I’m dreading the next generation growing up :(

Pretty standard (in my world) as long as you are polite about it.

As I just said upthread, we did nearly 30 years ago and no-one turned a hair. We did say "it's not necessary, but..." Some did still give gifts anyway. No-one gave nothing. One close family member said they would prefer a gift to cash and gave us a set of glasses, which, although obviously kind of them to give anything, we didn't need and they've now all been smashed. They and their spouse are notoriously stingy so we wondered if they maybe didn't want us to know the amount they spent! I can't remember what the glasses looked like now but the thing we suggested that people put money towards still makes me smile and I still really appreciate it.

Also congratulations 💐

I so agree with you! I hate this baby reveal thing.

I'm lucky that it wasn't a certain thing when I was having babies, though was asked by the sonographer if I would like to know & I said no because it made no difference, the baby was very much wanted & I wasn't bothered about their gender. I was later told by a friend who was a nurse that they would only offer to tell you the gender of the baby (we're talking 42 years ago) if they could see a penis so I knew that it was likely that I was having a boy. But I didn't let on to anyone - only my DH.

A generic email from an email list isn’t ’a good enough thank you’.
Its telling loud and clear
‘oh fuck now we have to thank them too. It’s a faff agd a pain. Let’s go fur tge easiest way to rid of the issue wo looking entitled/rude’.
It’s not about about a not good enpugh thank you because it’s not a thank you. It’s a vague nod to what is cinsudered ‘polite’ but that people only do because they have to,
Like a 3yo saying ‘Thank Yooooou’ with a winning voice because they’ve been forced to. They dint mean it.

Yes they should send 50 individual emails if they’re nit sending physical cards or letters .
Why? Because it’s good manners!!

I know this still shocks me.
2 x wedding abroad’s in recent years with generous gifts and not so much as an individual thank you message

I do think you are being a little unreasonable. Having a gift register is nothing new, although I'm surprised you know so many people who use them now, as most people suggest if you wish to give something (particularly as a wedding present), money or vouchers would be most valued. Saying that, is sounds like the couple who sent you multiple emails about different ways to give money as a present were just disorganised and should have made options clear when sending the invitation. I also think everyone who gives a gift should receive a personal thank you card.

I don’t know how old you are, but in ‘my day’ in the 80’s and 90’s a proper thank you note would be expected and most likely received. Obviously email wasn’t around back then, but a photocopied general letter would be viewed the same as an email, with surprise at the rudeness and lack of effort and appreciation for a gift.
I think that the view that it is unreasonable to expect anything more is just a reflection of the social and moral decline we see daily in this country.

No, it's a different outlook from different generations...

When I got married back in the '90s, everyone got a handwritten thank you note, no matter what they gave us. That's how we were brought up: a neighbour gives you a tea towel as "a minding" [as they still say round my way]? You write a thank you note.

Yes, it's a bit of a chore but it's good manners.

At the very least, a personal email.
A phone call.
Whatever floats your boat but an individual response to what was a big gift of £200.

I find the new baby registry/cash cheeky, but not for weddings. I think it would be cheeky to go to a wedding without a gift. Does anyone actually ever read “your presence is our present” and actually not give anything? And I’d much rather give cash or something they actually needed than trying to think of something to gift.

The other side of the coin

Yes a personal thank you should be expected when you’ve just been given £200~300.

A list is a great imo.
But a list with nothing less than £50~60? Very entitled imo. It’s assuming that people will have the spare money many times over to paid that money each time Theres a new baby. Unless you’re VERY close, that would be a NO from me.

But also…
Monetary gifts like this are also opening the door to judging ‘oh look how cheap they are. They only gave us £10 for the baby/£100 for the wedding’ type of comments.
Youre not allowed to actually gift something (aka think about something theyd like, find something special etc….). Not just generic, soulless, money. That’s not personally why I give a gift in those circumstances.
And it feels grabby tbh. You dint need anything? Great! Considered yourself extremely lucky. Imo it’s no different than all the various schemes to make guests pay for the wedding tbh

It's a faff. And sending cards and paper notes it a waste of the world's dwindling resources

I'm glad my friends and family are more understanding of how precious time is and that I'd rather spend actual time with them than sit writing personalised thank yous when a message in a group chat/email to all does the same job

Lol, that's funny

Also in many cultures it's expected to give money, but the amounts quoted by OP are generous ones (I assume it was for 2 people attending).

Writing cards of thanks to everyone... so adding to the every mounting piles of rubbish the world is drowning under?

Its perfectly normal anywhere but MN