Friend went to the queens funeral and not my mums

but it was 3 years ago
i think it would be wrong to cut her out of your life now

Jeez that is an absolute disgrace. I wonder how many people who lost their minds at the time are now all 'oh everyone went mad when Diana died and she was no angel' and 'Those poor boys walking behind the coffin' when they say that what traumatised them was strangers weeping and crying in their faces.

I have to be honest and say I was thinking the same.

I have a couple of best friends of 20 years and I wouldn’t expect them at my mum’s funeral. They have met her a few times obv, but they aren’t close to her and I would think it would feel quite awkward for them.

That’s harsh not to forgive someone for not attending a birthday party that the child won’t remember.

I missed the morning of my son’s 1st birthday for a funeral actually.

Did your friend actually know your mother? I didn't expect my friends to come to my family's funerals- it seems a really weird idea to me

Oh yes - just googled and you are right. My friend's was rescheduled and I had to change my hotel booking, but maybe that was at the request of the family. I was relieved not to have to miss watching the Queen's funeral live on television.

This. None of my friends went to my parents' funerals, it was family only. I wouldn't expect friends to take time off work or spend money on travel and accommodation.

I don’t think I’d be able to forgive that…she didn’t know the Queen, the Queen wouldn’t have gone to her funeral or supported her if she lost a loved one, it’s ridiculous

Sorry, my point was that so many people who attended my Grandfathers funeral were banging on about hers, and I was digusted by it.

FFS you are AT a funeral! Show some respect, but a lot of them didnt. The amount of times that the family heard people saying that they wanted to "get back to watch The Funeral" was appalling. As if the funeral they were at was just a warm up act.

My grandfathers funeral was the same day as hers.

He was a sailor in WWII. He was seriously injured when his ship was torpedoed. Then he re enlisted and it happened again (we nicknamed him Uncle Albert a la Only fools!).

I have long felt that he deserved people lining the streets and mourning him far more than she did. Call me a cow if you will but I stand by it.

That's awful. When famous/important people die, the public often feel they 'know' them.

I would imagine some people post what they did in regards paying respects on social media too, not saying you're friend is that type but many did, showing themselves lay flowers etc.

It is just strange behaviour.

Yanbu. What a weird individual. Cut her off, op, she doesn't love you as she should. Sorry xx

I have yet to meet anyone who remembers their first birthday party…..

@Mayflower282 she said she was working. What does she do? Because I can well imagine they'll have been thousands of people working that day in and around London who couldn't get time off.

Lots of people would have needed to work inc the likes of road cleaners, crowd managments, porta-loo operators , transport operators, hotels would have been sold out, cafes and restaurants would have been busy, the police, ambulance and hospitals would have been busy with just that many extra people in the area.

Are you sure she wasn't working?

I’m assuming you mean she went to line the street, which would have been unreasonable of her.

If she actually want to the funeral as a representative of a charity or some other way through her work, I can see why she would feel honour bound to go, and also that she could reasonably describe it as work.

Incorrect. Any scheduled were quite rightly honoured.

I think that was really mean. And so sneaky to lie about it. I would just quietly withdraw from the friendship. She doesn't deserve a explanation.

Op are you sure it was the same day. Queens funeral was a public holiday.

Lots and lots of people will have watched or wanted to be there because it was a once in a genetation event. Very few people will have seen a state funeral before the Queens. Winston Churchill was the previous one in the 60s.

Its so sad that the queen is more important to you than a baby family member. The Queen wouldn't be attending any of your occasions or even care about you so why on earth would you prioritise that over your actual family.

YANBU

Your friend didn’t show up for you when you needed her most, she let you down. And even worse than that she lied about it. And now she’s been caught.

Personally I would struggle to get past it. I would also be really hurt and angry and I would likely to call them out on it. I imagine it would be the end of my friendship with them. I’m not saying you should do this, I just know I wouldn’t handle that well at all. But I also don’t think I’d care much after that. What a shitty thing for them to do. I’m sorry for your loss (which I imagine may be feeling a bit raw again). And I’m sorry your friend has failed you in this way 🫂

Was it just the two of you in this conversation or were there other people there? IE are you sure she went and she wasn’t lying about it

I have very low expectations of ‘friends’ these days, in that way I’m never disappointed with them

My sister-in-law was completely fine about it, it’s never been an issue between us and my nephew and I are super close - thankfully she’s not the sort of person to take offence over birthday party attendance. Like I said, my husband was the only person who was really upset but we worked that out between us.

I am and always have been a Royalist. The Royal Family are very important to me and I’d always always said that when the Queen died I intended to see her lying in state. Everyone knew that about me - including all my in laws who messaged me about it as soon as she died. It felt like a piece of history and culture I couldn’t miss.

She was lying in state for days but I queued for the best part of 24 hours, and was only able to do that on certain days because of work. It was unfortunate but I have no regrets - my nephew doesn’t know if I was there or not and is much more concerned with what we’re doing for our next play date! I realise not everyone would feel the same and I respect that - if I knew it would cause a rift between myself and my in laws I might have behaved differently. I don’t know.

I think the lying is crucial here, as a previous poster said. That’s particularly unkind and unthoughtful to mention it so casually down the line.

I agree. And wasn't she lying in state for ages?

That's really shitty to miss your nephew's first birthday. I wouldn't forgive that if you were my SIL.