Friend went to the queens funeral and not my mums

I can understand why you might feel like it changes the friendship, but I think you need to be careful here as there are few possibilities.

You might be misremembering how the days worked, like you said it’s all (understandably) a bit of a blur for you. It’s very possible that she went on a different day.

It seems unlikely to me that she managed to get time off work to see the queens lying in state, so more likely she went on a weekend or maybe after work if you’re close to
London. The only way you can clarify is to ask her.

Your friend might also have lied because honouring and grieving the queen meant a lot to her but she didn’t want to upset you at such an awful
time and has now slipped up. It doesnt sound malicious, more like she was trying to protect you and your friendship while also doing something she needed to do for herself.

I think you should speak to her and explain that you’re confused and a bit upset by it. Hopefully you’ll be able to talk it through.

Are you 100% sure that your DMs funeral was on the same day as the Queens? It was a bank holiday so that people could attend if they wanted. I'd make doubly sure before saying anything.

But surely op would know the date of her mums funeral so could easily work it out?

2 of my very close friends had a huge failing out and would not be in the same place together ie on my birthday, they wouldn’t both come so I’d have to see them separately. However when my mother died they both came to the funeral and wake. Obviously they didn’t sit together or even talk to each other but behaved impeccably and I really appreciated the fact that they both came to support me. It meant a lot.

Sorry posted twice

I would be so upset with the choice she made never mind the lying.
I too am not a fan of performative grieving. When the Queens funeral was happening I worked in the morning for a couple of hours and got the rest of the day off. I had absolutely no interest in seeing or hearing about it. I think it's quite ghoulish to be so invested in people you don't know and who wouldn't piss on you if your were on fire.

Whats that supposed to mean?

Plenty people will have watched, just to watch a State Funeral, that little bit of history in the making. See what happens at a State Funeral

I'm not RC but watched the last Pope's funeral too, out of pure curiosity. I don't remember Pope John Paul's funeral being on TV and the Pope in-between them retired rather than die as Pope.

I was thinking the same to be honest.

I am of the age where a lot of my friends have lost parents. I will have been as supportive as I could be, sent a card, sat with them when they were upset, but never been to the actual funeral. And my life went on as normal on the day, whether that was working or going out somewhere.

However, I can see that the main issue is not attending the funeral, it is OPs feeling she was lied to.

Unfortunately OP can't recall whether the funeral took place on the same day as the Queen's funeral or during the period the Queen was lying in state - and that's the crux of it.

Friend may have gone to lying in state on a different day and may genuinely not have been able to get the day of OPs funeral off work, especially as she was going on holiday the following day.

I would say, OP, you need to get the dates clear in your head before you start getting uppity with your friend.

I agree with you - I think it’s bizarre to have a birthday party for a one year old. However, I’m very much with the OP about her friend not attending the funeral. My best friend and I have both lost our mothers in recent years, and it would never have crossed our minds not to be at their funerals. We knew each other’s mums but went to the funerals mainly to support each other. I read the eulogy for my friend at her mum’s funeral because she didn’t feel she could do it, and she gave a reading at mine. I don’t think I I could have forgiven her if she had missed my mum’s funeral to go to stand in a street somewhere to watch the late queen’s funeral procession. Aside from the fact that the OP’s friend lied about not being able to take time off work, I would also have been very hurt if my best friend had made this excuse - nothing would have kept me from being there to support my best friend at her n other’s funeral.

This seems so harsh. I wouldn't expect friends to attend my parents' funerals.

Is this serious? People care this much about a birthday of a child who won’t even remember it?

Do you think this lady considers you as her “ best” friend? She may have a much larger circle, as such she may not have realised you wanted her there or that you would judge her for not attending.

Never talk to that friend ever again

True. But the queen isn't going to know who attended her funeral either. For me the priority would be my actual family but then I don't hold the "royals" as more important.

Who died first?
Your mother or the Queen?
Your friend could have decided to attend the Queen's funeral before your mother died - thus she did have a prior engagement.

Maybe she technically could not take time off work for a friend's funeral but could take an extra day of holidays.
She could have been sparing your feelings at the time by not admitting to attanding the Queen's funeral.

Is she thinking she did the wrong thing, Op?
Did your friend send her condolances at the time of your mother's death, Op?

You can be buried on a bank holiday.

There are still massive backlogs and on average 1,500 funeral per day, they don't just cancel them for a jolly day off.

People may choose to postpone because other services (like catering and flowers) cancelled or because those dates are less popular with a big event overshadowing it but crematoriums and churches work full time even back holidays and sunday's.

Some religions/cultures can't even delay as burial is strictly within a set time.

i agree, I didn’t expect the friends from 20 years ago to come but they did know my parent quite well from then and mine was the first from that friendship group to pass away.

my point being though, is the OPs friend did exactly that, they prioritised a funeral of someone they didn’t know at all over someone that they did know, even if they didn’t know the OPs mum well.
it wouldn’t be enough for me to fall out with someone over, especially 3 years down the line. I guess it’s about the lies in this instance too though

I think that isn’t that common though, for lots of friends to prioritise the funeral of someone they aren’t that close to.

I am also surprised everyone is allowed all of this time off work tbh. I’ve worked for quite a few companies where, especially if you’re not in a fairly senior role, you’re only allowed the day off for a funeral of a family member or very close friend.

Grief vampires are so annoying and pathetic.

Oh no sorry scrap that you said she went to the Queens funeral so Monday 19th sept

Lots of people see Royal events as a source of entertainment, regardless of the occasion.
Sense of seeing history happen. Dianas was the first Royal ceremonial funeral for years.
Watch for the bands, the horses, what the Royals are wearing it the fashions, who turns up and the follow up the chat with people later.

H&M took the perceived interest in their wedding to be interest in them as individuals, and thought they could cash in on it.
They were wrong, its watching the dress, the flowers, the fashions, whos invited, the pomp and ceremony. Stuff they couldn't recreate outside the Royal family.

Do you mean your mum's funeral was the first day of the Queen lying in state Wednesday 14th and your friend went on holiday Thursday 15th onwards?

I lost one of my parents earlier this year, I would have been really upset if my friend prioritised someone they didn’t know over my parent, especially if they also knew my parent too!
I had school friends I hadn’t seen for 20 years turn up and also friends who barely knew my parent because they wanted to support me, I’m sorry your friend didn’t do the same for you. Losing a parent is tough

This. And do you live /was your mums funeral in London or would friend have to travel to it?

The nephew wouldn't know or care and the poster can attend all his other birthdays.