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Original poster

Would you say anything?

35 replies

Canonlythinkofthisone · 16/08/2025 12:44

Try to keep this brief.
10 years ago, I started seeing a guy, he admitted he had previously slept with one of my close friends. This friend was and is still in a relationship. At the time, I questioned my friend as to why she hadnt said anything and she flat out denied all knowledge. We moved on.
Time has passed and we are still friends although not as close as we once were. I'm no longer with said ex.

She has 2 children, and frequently posts on social media. We occasionally meet as our youngest DC are a similar age.

As time goes on I cannot shake the idea that her eldest is not her DHs. He is in every way shape and form a spit of my now ex.

6 year ago or so when her eldest was 3.5 years old, I ended up working with her DH for several years and we became good friends too.

Part of me wants to say something to her about her eldest. Part of me thinks I should keep my nose firmly out. He may already know, although to my knowledge he never had an inkling of anything untoward all those years ago.

I just can't shake the fact he may be raising a child that isn't biologically is. But he thinks is. (I doubt it would change how he feels about his son tbh, but surely you'd want to know?!) Argh

OP posts:
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Missj25 · 16/08/2025 21:18

DollopOfFun · 16/08/2025 12:49

Absolutely 100% fucking not.

Exactly this !!!!!
Give your head a wobble ..
Jesus, why would you cause such devastation on a hunch ???
And even if you were right , Do you realise the unhappiness you would cause ..

LittleCarrot12 · 16/08/2025 17:49

IntoTheFringe · 16/08/2025 13:48

But she doesn't even know if it's true. You'd risk tearing a family apart over a hunch?

Show quote history

My reading it was that it was clear from the how the child looks. Some children are the spit of their parents.

If it’s simply the child has lighter hair than its siblings then no I wouldn’t.

MuddyPawsIndoors · 16/08/2025 17:25

Part of me thinks I should keep my nose firmly out.

Only part of you? 🤣🤣🤣

Dear God.

bluegreygreen · 16/08/2025 17:21

Laura95167 · 16/08/2025 14:58

  1. You are believing an ex boyfriend over your friend
  2. You dont know your friend ever cheated
  3. You dont this child isnt her husbands
  4. You dont know, even if child isnt friends husbands baby. That her husband doesn't know and hasnt decided to raise child regardless

So absolutely keep your poisonous suspicions to yourself

This.

Your friend at the time totally denied the accusation of cheating - why do you believe the ex over her?

Swiftie1878 · 16/08/2025 15:01

Canonlythinkofthisone · 16/08/2025 12:44

Try to keep this brief.
10 years ago, I started seeing a guy, he admitted he had previously slept with one of my close friends. This friend was and is still in a relationship. At the time, I questioned my friend as to why she hadnt said anything and she flat out denied all knowledge. We moved on.
Time has passed and we are still friends although not as close as we once were. I'm no longer with said ex.

She has 2 children, and frequently posts on social media. We occasionally meet as our youngest DC are a similar age.

As time goes on I cannot shake the idea that her eldest is not her DHs. He is in every way shape and form a spit of my now ex.

6 year ago or so when her eldest was 3.5 years old, I ended up working with her DH for several years and we became good friends too.

Part of me wants to say something to her about her eldest. Part of me thinks I should keep my nose firmly out. He may already know, although to my knowledge he never had an inkling of anything untoward all those years ago.

I just can't shake the fact he may be raising a child that isn't biologically is. But he thinks is. (I doubt it would change how he feels about his son tbh, but surely you'd want to know?!) Argh

Keep your beak well out!

Laura95167 · 16/08/2025 14:58
  1. You are believing an ex boyfriend over your friend
  2. You dont know your friend ever cheated
  3. You dont this child isnt her husbands
  4. You dont know, even if child isnt friends husbands baby. That her husband doesn't know and hasnt decided to raise child regardless

So absolutely keep your poisonous suspicions to yourself

Laura95167 · 16/08/2025 14:53

Youre playing at Miss Marple. Absolutely mind your own business and leave this family alone

autienotnaughty · 16/08/2025 14:49

Not your circus not your monkeys. Stay out!!

TimeForTeaAndG · 16/08/2025 14:45

I just can't shake the fact he may be raising a child that isn't biologically is.

Well, it's not a fact because you don't actually know whether or not the eldest is the DH's. Why throw a potential bomb under their marriage for something that may not even be true?! Maybe they were struggling to conceive and she shagged your ex with the go-ahead from DH? Maybe she actually didn't shag your ex and he was talking nonsense for some reason?

You don't know.

SammyScrounge · 16/08/2025 14:39

Diarygirlqueen · 16/08/2025 13:07

Definitely not, absolutely none of your business. You don't even know if it's true and you'd be setting off a grenade in their family.
I'm questioning your real reasoning behind this.

I'm. questioning motivation too. It just.seems like a malicious thing to do. It will do harm whether or not the allegation is true. Show some consideration for the boy involved -he doesn't need his world turned upside down.

YellowZebraStripes · 16/08/2025 14:11

I wouldn't say anything and I would distance myself. As others said it's not in the child's best interests at this time. It's not your place - if it's true only the mother knows why this was kept a secret. I would try and put it out of your mind.

rainbowstardrops · 16/08/2025 14:11

If she’s a close friend of yours, haven’t you raised the subject with her before now?

Rasell · 16/08/2025 13:54

You would destroy that family. Even if the boy isn't his, what benefit is there to breaking up a happy home? The dad would be heartbroken, it would ruin the boys life, they'd all hate you forever. Your ex is the only person to say they were together - the person who was and is still your friend denied it. Why don't you believe her? And now your creating stories in your head and contemplating destroying a family? Based on the word of an ex and your imagination. Based on this post I'd take a step back and think about what friendship and trust mean to me.

VeryLightToast · 16/08/2025 13:54

Yes, absolutely say something. It’s clearly your moral duty to set a particularly enormous cat among the pigeons based on a ‘hunch’ that is in turn based on an ex of yours claiming to have slept with your friend.

IntoTheFringe · 16/08/2025 13:48

LittleCarrot12 · 16/08/2025 13:01

Going against the grain here but I would. Only as I would want to know in those circumstances.

But she doesn't even know if it's true. You'd risk tearing a family apart over a hunch?

Endofyear · 16/08/2025 13:41

I would mind my own business!

Anon501178 · 16/08/2025 13:29

I definitely wouldn't tell her or husband.

But not to say that you aren't right
however, and if you are implying that you think that whilst you and the joint ex were together he might have cheated on you with her resulting in the child, then I think you are best to cut ties with her.

CurlewKate · 16/08/2025 13:27

That would be a seriously awful thing to do. What good could it possibly do??

outerspacepotato · 16/08/2025 13:23

MYOB.

You sound like you want to wreck her life.

KaitlynnFairchild · 16/08/2025 13:23

Stay firmly out of it. Their family is their business.

BoxesAndBoxes · 16/08/2025 13:21

He might already know. They may even be ok with each other having other sexual partners. You don’t know. What goes on in their marriage is between them. Keep out of it.

DaisyChain505 · 16/08/2025 13:20

If you don’t want to be a part of the shit show, don’t buy a ticket. Simple.

Espressosummer · 16/08/2025 13:19

Do you have a crush on her husband? Wondering why you want to blow their lives up based on rumours. You weren't bothered by it enough to tell the husband your suspicions before you became good friends with him.

LimbOnTheBranchBranchOnTheTreeTheTreeInTheBog · 16/08/2025 13:19

Sure, go right ahead and blow up the lives of a family because you have a slight suspicion. What could go wrong.

Fwiw everyone thinks my oldest dd is my (female) childhood best friends child because they look and act similarly (only been back in touch for the last year so its not like she's grown up with her around) so your suspicions are pretty meaningless.

verycloakanddaggers · 16/08/2025 13:16

PInkyStarfish · 16/08/2025 12:54

I wouldn’t say anything unless she crossed you and then you can wield the sword of Damocles above her head and threaten to tell her husband that her eldest child is not his.

If you were an awful person you could do this.