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Original poster

To find it strange that my friend messages my boyfriend every day

121 replies

Vinsomer · 16/08/2025 12:28

Friend and I joined an online hobby group/forum type thing together around 9 months ago. It's a friendly bunch of people and we talk on the forum most days. We've both made friends, there are a load of group chats and small groups of us meet up in person every so often (we're spread all over the country).

I became very close with one guy in particular and about 3 months ago we decided to give it a shot in a long distance relationship. It's early days and the LDR aspect makes it a bit tricky, but I like him a lot and we're both happy with where we are at the moment.

In the last few weeks BF has mentioned a few times that my friend has been messaging him. The first time I really paid attention was when I had a minor argument with my friend and she messaged him asking if she could vent about me as I was driving her mad. BF shut this down and sent me a screenshot, asking what had happened. I felt like this was pretty unpleasant and I told friend that, but she dismissed it saying her intention was for my BF to "mediate" the disagreement.

A few nights ago I was with BF when friend was messaging him and he showed me their chat. For the past 3 weeks friend has messaged my BF every single day. They aren't long conversations and there's nothing overtly worrying but she messages him good morning most days, makes small talk and asks lots of questions about the hobby. BF is friendly and helpful but 90% of the conversation is driven by her.

Half of me doesn't feel like I'm justified in being annoyed as there's nothing actually wrong with their messages, but I just feel really off about it. A few times she has asked him to send a photo as he doesn't have a profile picture up on the forum, which really pissed me off (he didn't send it). But she said it was just curiosity and it was normal to want to know what her friends BF was like.

I'm not worried about BF, but I think my friend is being really disrespectful to my new relationship by messaging my BF this often. With the distance and my job being very full on there are often days where I barely speak to BF, which wasn't an issue for us but it's upset me that on those days my friend sometimes speaks to him more than I do.

If I'm told I'm unreasonable I shall try and pull up my big girl pants and be an adult about all of it! I'm probably feeling a little sensitive today as I won't see BF for another 5 weeks due to work/family stuff and I'm already missing him a bit.

OP posts:
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Horsie · 21/08/2025 06:08

She's not your friend, mate.

SomewhatAnnoyed · 21/08/2025 05:53

Vinsomer · 16/08/2025 17:24

I'm going to talk to my boyfriend about it when he calls me this evening, now that I no longer feel like I'm being crazy/paranoid.

What happened?

SomewhatAnnoyed · 21/08/2025 05:53

Potatosaladsalsa · 18/08/2025 20:04

Honestly broke my heart at the time (a month ago now). So extremely painful. I miss her but her behaviour shut the door into my life FIRMLY

Show quote history

Your post sounded unreal. She managed to cram A LOT into 5 days. 5 weeks would have been more believable. You miss her but she clearly hated you. She told you she hated you. Did you ask her why?

namechangedforvalidreasons · 20/08/2025 21:59

It’s a bit fucking weird. What’s she up to? Is she competitive with you?

Spottydogtoo · 20/08/2025 21:57

She sounds like a jealous weirdo

jamnpancakes · 20/08/2025 21:53

OP hasn't been back . I'm not even sure if she has met this guy in real life . Sounds like it's all online.

DarklingIlisten · 20/08/2025 03:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ due to privacy concerns.

pineapplesundae · 20/08/2025 02:50

Just ask her outright, in a light tone if she’s trying to steal your bf and watch her face. I’m pretty sure she has a crush on your bf but he sounds like a keeper.

Serpentstooth · 19/08/2025 11:17

She's a very naughty girl 'who me? I wasn't doing anything wrong, why are you being horrible to me?' She's manipulative, deceitful and provocative. She is not your friend. Lose her promptly. Expect her fury.

mammat72 · 19/08/2025 10:36

you need to ask how it makes your boyfriend feel does he like the attention or does he think its weird then i think you either invite her round with your boyfriend there and confront her that neither of you feel it is acceptable and it needs to stop. or get your boyfriend to just block her. but word to the wise this girl is not a true friend, true friends would not overstep that boundary.

FeministThrowingAPrincessParty · 19/08/2025 10:31

Texting good morning everyday is insane!!!

Mermaidsarereal · 19/08/2025 10:27

I had a friend like this, would befriend any guy I was with and message them constantly. The last straw for me was that she invited a guy I had been seeing but was no longer interested in on a night out with our friends and had promised him that she would get us back together. Totally bizarre behaviour! It sounds like your friend is jealous of your relationship and it might be time to put some distance between you. Also, maybe your BF could send a polite message to ask her to stop messaging him so much if it's also making him feel uncomfortable?

augustalready25 · 19/08/2025 05:47

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 16/08/2025 17:24

Have you been in a relationship before during your friendship with her? I wonder if she feels that you can’t manage a relationship whereas she is “happily” married and therefore she can look down on you. If you build a successful relationship while her marriage is falling apart she won’t be able to feel superior anymore. It sounds weird but I’ve seen this situation quite often when one person in a friendship appears to be more successful, they then don’t like it if their less successful friends starts doing better for themselves. A real friend would be happy for you that you’ve found a nice boyfriend, not trying to sabotage your relationship as your friend clearly is.

Spot on!

Potatosaladsalsa · 18/08/2025 20:04

Grinnbear · 18/08/2025 00:43

😵😵😵😵😵
Wow

Show quote history

Honestly broke my heart at the time (a month ago now). So extremely painful. I miss her but her behaviour shut the door into my life FIRMLY

Pessismistic · 18/08/2025 15:06

Friend might be testing him for herself especially if her marriage is struggling it’s odd behaviour considering they haven’t met. Ask her why she contacts him so much would she like it if you messaged her dh every day and want to vent to him about her. I very much doubt it.

Zodiacrobat · 18/08/2025 12:59

NewYorkSummer · 16/08/2025 13:18

This sounds like she’s enjoying the attention another man is giving her. I think your boyfriend, though polite, is being a little naive by facilitating her. He should really say I’m sorry Jane, but you messaging me several times a day is making me a little uncomfortable and shut it down.

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Yes he needs to make a point of closing down any 1-1 chat out of loyalty to you.

Zodiacrobat · 18/08/2025 12:54

Vinsomer · 16/08/2025 12:57

I don't think she wants my boyfriend, she doesn't even know what he looks like! She also has a husband, although their marriage is in a rough patch at the moment.

We've been friends for 3 years but we were really close. I supported her a lot when her mum was sick and she was having marriage problems. I always thought we were open with each other and she probably knows more about my feelings than any of my other friends.

I was just going to ask if she has a partner of her own.

I reckon she’s looking for an ego boost if her marriage is dodgy. Checking if she’s still hot and desirable in case she ends up single again. And your partner is the perfect one to practise on - not local, common interest, can claim it’s just being friends.

Zodiacrobat · 18/08/2025 12:49

DeLaRuiz · 16/08/2025 12:32

I’m guessing y’all are fourteen years old?

ODFOD

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 18/08/2025 08:51

Vinsomer · 16/08/2025 12:42

I'm late 20s, friend and BF are mid 30s.

Sorry if I've come across childish, I was worried about that. I'm autistic and I often struggle to read social situations which is why I've come here for advice.

Show quote history

Ignore DLR, they were being a prick

MushMonster · 18/08/2025 07:25

She is not your friend. She is being ridiculous by texting him good morning twice. In the group, for everyone, yes. Then also to him, nope.
And the texting him because you are driving her mad.... she does not have your best interest at heart, that is for sure.

spoonbillstretford · 18/08/2025 06:51

Tell him to block her and I'd tell her to fuck off.

Firethehorse · 18/08/2025 06:46

Speak to your DP and make a plan together on how to fix this then communicate it together. My first thought would be for any communication between them to be solely on the joint group. If she does not stick to this, I would ask DP to consider blocking her. It’s not the behaviour of a friend OP.

Grinnbear · 18/08/2025 00:43

Potatosaladsalsa · 17/08/2025 19:44

I had a very similar and painful situation. A girl I moved in with my bf and I would message him behind my back, but I wasn’t worried because she was my very close friend, I didn’t see her as a threat (she was very physically unattractive and not my BFs type) and above all, I trust my boyfriend fully. It wasn’t anything serious Convo wise, usually about a guy she was seeing. I sometimes spend 3-4 nights away from my BF due to commitments, so she’d be there when I wasn’t. Not an issue - although I admit a little piece of me felt “oh, this feels tricky, and I’m worrying” even tho I trusted my BF. It was her I felt a bit iffy about (no clue why!!!!!).

anyway, moved this chick in, all good. She then started messaging him a bit more but they live together and I wasn’t really home. Wasn’t worried. Then, next thing, she’s discussing getting a job at his workplace as a co worker!!!! She wanted to work with him! I did confess to my BF that it would give me massive FOMO - because it did- my best friend and boyfriend together 24/7 while I’m elsewhere? No way.

then I noticed she would walk around naked in front of me, with the risk of him walking in. She’d walk around, tits out, ass out, in broad view of potentially both of us!!!! She also tried to walk into the bedroom when BF was still asleep but I shoved her out the room.

she also started clapping when she overheard our bed squeak. We were being as quiet as we possibly could but she overheard and kept clapping! And laughing hysterically! I swear on my life we were being so so quiet about it. She kept messaging us etc with the general thing of “keep going but hahahaha I hear you!”

then she tried to kill my BF’s and I’s pet, and then hung up things over pictures of BF and I, as if to hide them. She also kept putting on documentaries about bad flatmates - usually ones where the flatmate “steals” this life of another ie takes the bf, the house, etc. she thought fleabag was an icon, saw herself as a fleabag, and decided that fleabags actions ie being an affair partner to her BFFs BF, was completely reasonable. Ew.

she also crushed my beloved plant into a picture of BF and I. Made me feel very weird.

anyway this happened in less than 5 days and I turfed her out, she told me she wanted to hurt me, that she hated me, that I was evil, that she hadn’t slept in days, etc. very worrying.

I trusted my BF though this all and he was really calm and supportive. He stayed out of arguments and helped me turf her out.

😵😵😵😵😵
Wow

Grinnbear · 18/08/2025 00:39

Listen to your gut.
Shes up to something.

MuckFusk · 18/08/2025 00:26

Potatosaladsalsa · 17/08/2025 19:44

I had a very similar and painful situation. A girl I moved in with my bf and I would message him behind my back, but I wasn’t worried because she was my very close friend, I didn’t see her as a threat (she was very physically unattractive and not my BFs type) and above all, I trust my boyfriend fully. It wasn’t anything serious Convo wise, usually about a guy she was seeing. I sometimes spend 3-4 nights away from my BF due to commitments, so she’d be there when I wasn’t. Not an issue - although I admit a little piece of me felt “oh, this feels tricky, and I’m worrying” even tho I trusted my BF. It was her I felt a bit iffy about (no clue why!!!!!).

anyway, moved this chick in, all good. She then started messaging him a bit more but they live together and I wasn’t really home. Wasn’t worried. Then, next thing, she’s discussing getting a job at his workplace as a co worker!!!! She wanted to work with him! I did confess to my BF that it would give me massive FOMO - because it did- my best friend and boyfriend together 24/7 while I’m elsewhere? No way.

then I noticed she would walk around naked in front of me, with the risk of him walking in. She’d walk around, tits out, ass out, in broad view of potentially both of us!!!! She also tried to walk into the bedroom when BF was still asleep but I shoved her out the room.

she also started clapping when she overheard our bed squeak. We were being as quiet as we possibly could but she overheard and kept clapping! And laughing hysterically! I swear on my life we were being so so quiet about it. She kept messaging us etc with the general thing of “keep going but hahahaha I hear you!”

then she tried to kill my BF’s and I’s pet, and then hung up things over pictures of BF and I, as if to hide them. She also kept putting on documentaries about bad flatmates - usually ones where the flatmate “steals” this life of another ie takes the bf, the house, etc. she thought fleabag was an icon, saw herself as a fleabag, and decided that fleabags actions ie being an affair partner to her BFFs BF, was completely reasonable. Ew.

she also crushed my beloved plant into a picture of BF and I. Made me feel very weird.

anyway this happened in less than 5 days and I turfed her out, she told me she wanted to hurt me, that she hated me, that I was evil, that she hadn’t slept in days, etc. very worrying.

I trusted my BF though this all and he was really calm and supportive. He stayed out of arguments and helped me turf her out.

Wow! What a lunatic!