When someone dies.....

We are totally NC with dhs mum. Dh is still listed as next of kin as someone will have to make arrangements when she dies.

You've only read the first post, haven't you.

You might want to RTFT….

@Wiltshiregirl06 has explained more about what’s going on agd it is NOT about not having contact at all etc….

Yes, and that’s the way it should be. No one should be declaring themselves someone else’s next of kin. If this person wants someone to be notified, they’ll say.

@Wiltshiregirl06 Clearly you think this relative's death is more important than their life.

I hope that you receive no communication when this relative passes away.

I took this bit to mean she doesn't have contact with that person:

getting shopping delivered from another distant relative.
If he dies, how would we find out or be notified? The distant relative doesn't have my contact details, I don't have theirs.

If the person is found by the police, then they would alert the legal next of kin, which is suggested that its the OP's friends father, so you would expect her father to tell her.
If the police aren't involved and the distant relative is there or is the one informed then it would be harder to be immediately notified.
I would suggest the OPs friend make contact with the distant relative (who dies the shopping) to make their wishes known I.e Please let me know that X died.
If it were me I would start writing to X regularly, letters/postcards etc, so that it's clear there is contact.
The will doesn't tend to be read until after the funeral. So if all else fails you'd be contacted then. If no will then the order of inheritance (intestacy rules) apply and its very easy to see how you'd be contacted by an executor at this stage.
You cannot register that you are someones next of kin unless that person chooses to name you (or give you Lasting Power of Attorney POA, which is a legal process).

But the NHS only has what the person tells them for a person to contact. you've told them. The person may say they don't have a next of kin. Also they may have put this other person as the person they want contacted in an emergency. Doesn't have to be next if kin which actually has no legal status I am led to believe.

Do you know that you can just register as next of kin? Would you need proof? It sounds doubtful, but if you know this for sure can you give us more info.

When my father became more frail, we had a list of key contacts on a card that was by his landline phone. Numbers for Family/GP/helpful neighbour/ friends who could help if needed. A neighbour had keys and there was also a coded key box for visiting caters. My siblings and I who were not local were all on that list so that carers/ neighbours who needed to contact anyone could do so easily.
We marketed as making it easier so he didn’t need to search his address book ( very independent!).
When you /friend next visit, maybe you could set something similar up - and then you can be confident your number would be one of those called if anything happens.

NHS records have a next of kin noted. I always wonder who’s going to find me eventually as my family don’t give a shit. But any time I’ve been to A&E they confirm who’s noted on my records.

Does she have any contact with the relative who delivers his shopping? Maybe they would keep her updated

FFS these replies- classic mumsnet.

I'm sorry I don't have the answer but - hey everyone, it's quite normal to want to know if someone in your family dies even if you don't have a relationship with them. And it's not necessarily about the money.

My cousin who I hadn't seen since I was 4, had zero contact with and wouldn't recognise but heard of obliquely every few years via other family members died last year. Despite no direct relationship, I still felt shock and sadness at their death and was grateful to be informed.

I'd also put it that wouldn't be right 'not' to have been informed.

They may still want to ensure this person has a funeral etc. Solictors I presume would do their best to locate next of kin. I don’t think there’s much you can do to be honest.

So basically as others have said, once the death is confirmed or the body is found (as the case may be) the police will identify who the persons was and then begin tracing family. Police have ready access to info that is not easy for the rest of us to access, so they have their ways of finding and contacting family.

If they notify 1 person they may then rely on that person to pass the message on. I don't know that you can do much about that if that person doesn't notify you. I can see why you'd be concerned; it would be terrible to find out months later that someone had passed and you hadn't been notified. But I don't know there is any way around that.

Assume op is worried that the relative may die and not be found for some time, if they are reclusive.

You could contact her local social services and register as next of kin. You could register your concern as the person sounds vulnerable.

It depends if the relative has a will.

Your friend could go and see her relative and ask for the GP details and register her concern.

My parent was informed by a letter asking if they were related to x. Who was a distant relative it was actually to do with a will and the money was distributed amongst many distant relatives as x did not marry or have children. The sad part was this was a long time after the funeral so who knows if anyone attended. Friends possibly. My parent has a large family lots of siblings/cousins. It’s sad even in a large family some people live a lonely existence but maybe it’s through choice. I hope that helps op. But as others have suggested I would reach out and even visit. As from a care point of view is any being provided if needed.

What a bizarre question.
This person is a virtual stranger to you by the sound of things.

There are people in my distant family that i don't see. Whether they are alive or dead makes no difference to me because I have no relationship with them. This person is living the life that they chose.

No worries 👍🏻

Is it a grandparent? Because I can understand not being in contact if your father isn't speaking to their parent all contact usually goes through the parents so it's essentially cutting the child off also

My son wouldn't know if his grandmother died because all contact goes through his father (she has my number but he doesn't allow her to contact the children via me) its essentially a very toxic situation so I can understand if it's a toxic family dynamic

I've seen worse :)

You had put "?" when describing the relationship, so I was just adding that the relationship is first cousin once removed. Not dinging you for the lack of "'s".

But, in writing this, I realise that you weren't the poster (I thought it was the poster correcting herself/himself), or I would have quoted her/him and not you. Sorry for the errant quote.