When someone dies.....

True though.

Well quite.

Either:

A) He has a will and he's quite possibly not included you in it, in which case tough.

B) He has a will and you are a beneficiary, in which case a probate lawyer will track you down.

C) He doesn't have a will, in which case a probate lawyer will track down anyone related to him no matter how distant and you will receive your slice of his pie. Fear not.

I knew someone who dies intestate, unmarried and childless. His cousins, who he barely ever saw, got about 1million between them.

This seems horribly cynical.

Well as someone who tried to get in touch with an awful lot of distant relatives after a death, I find that very sad. All the distant relatives were so pleased to have been contacted to be made aware - no money involved.

You mention the money side is sorted…if that means that someone in your friend’s family knows about a will or financial arrangements, then perhaps your friend could ask the solicitors if they would notify her when he dies? Not sure if they would do that but perhaps.

It can be if it's not registered. It can also be challenged, of course.

In my case, my closest living relatives would be the beneficiaries in any case.

Just because your father had a fall out with the relative does not mean that you should perpetuate that.
I would drop a letter through the door saying that you were in the area and wanted to see if they were OK and would like to meet/make contact. At least there's then a chance that they keep the letter and the police find it if he/she is ever found collapsed or dead in the property.
With regards to their estate then if there's no will and no obvious next of kin then Bona Vacantia rules would apply, and eventually one of those "Heir Hunter" companies would research and contact you.

Gas and electric won't notice if the bills are being paid via direct debit.

I drove an elderly acquaintance to her cousin's funeral. The cousin had apparently lain in her flat for 6 months - and it wasn't in the middle of nowhere.

I've told my cousins that they'll know that I'm gone when the neighbours see my milk deliveries piling up. I keep a copy of my will on the mantelpiece. (I put it there during lockdown.)

Can wills be hidden or ripped up? If it's on your mantle and someone thinks it's there favour to rip it up, can they? I've always wondered this. My dad said we had a will but mum.would never find it. We never did! So assume it wasn't registered anywhere? Mum got everything anyway via probate.

Hold my hands up. No I didn’t ☺️ But tbh, it was a bit of a drip feed there, and I still feel that if it was someone I barely saw or bothered with that, it wouldn’t cross my mind to be thinking about what happens to his money and property when he dies. Especially when there appears to closer family on the radar.

This one's even quoted a thread WAY after OP had clarified that she is talking about her friend and STILL doesn't get it 😂

In some cases, I'm afraid that it's based on bitter experience.

Agree and her dad is not legally next of kin. It's not a legal thing. He could have been nominated by the relative, but if they've fallen out then I wouldn't assume that he still is.

Hi, I wonder if it's possible that the gas and electricity people or his bank might be the first to realise when he is gone? Maybe if your friend contacts social services to say that the relative is very isolated and vulnerable, then when things go pear shaped with his bills then at least someone will know who to get in touch with.

tbh, I think this is not such an uncommon thing as people who are old and very vulnerable/ill can be very hard to get close to even if you are trying to help.

I think a lot of people may be in this situation. I'm sure social services will know what to do.

Yup... I'd mentioned that I was going to organise a funeral plan and they spoke in positive terms of someone who had organised a Direct Cremation. (You had to be there to catch the drift of the conversation.) No point in wasting money... (One of them organised that when their spouse died.)

I intend to organise the funeral that I want for myself. They (or their children) can come or not as they please. I know that a couple of the cousins who live closest to me will come if they outlive me. I think that my husband's nephew will come.

Nothing lavish - just the local crem, a very brief eulogy and recordings of my husband singing.

I have relatives on the other side of the family who would most definitely attend, but they all live abroad and it would currently be impossible for them to get here.

It's amazing and disappointing how many Mumsnet responders first thought is of money rather than that people may have concern for distant relatives.

In our local area we have a care shop which is run by volunteers and they have people who phone elderly people on a daily basis just have a chat and if they require anything to be done, shopping house maintenance etc.
Maybe worth a try in the local area and call citizens advice.

Yes entirely right - it's the equivalent of having an emergency contact in this context really. No legal definition - or expectation/obligation - of next of kin and you can't nominate yourself. Not all families are close - one side of our family it and one side isn't - I wouldn't know the cousins of my late uncle from a bar of soap. We didn't fall out we're just very different in age and live in different places - countries even. I won't know when they go and vice versa.

If you'd said this from the start, it would have been easier to comment.
So you are now saying it's not your relative at all but someone else's relative.
I'm that case I don't think there is much you can do. It's something they need to figure out themselves.

Also find out how they are, do they need any help.It sounds like they're living the loneliest existence.
If you're not interested in them when they're alive why show any interest when they're dead

It's a very complicated family situation that I'm genuinely trying to find a solution to.

What exactly is the problem that you feel only needs resolving after your relatives death?

@AgentJohnson @MrsSkylerWhite

RTFT

Not read the thread have you?

I agree.

If your father is the link and they fell out a long time ago I would think it has nothing to do with you. Unless you are genuinely fond of, and concerned about, this person in which case you would surely have been in touch over the years.

@Wiltshiregirl06 - "... Her dad is next of kin legally, but as I said, they fell out... "

Don't worry. Despite what your friend may have led you to believe, legally there is no such thing as "next of kin".

When the NHS or Social Services ask for "next of kin" they just mean who do we contact when you die. The term has no legal meaning or significance whatsoever.

All that matters when people die without a will are the blood relationships listed in the relevant intestacy legislation.