When someone dies.....

4 people including two police officers came to check up on one person who hadn’t been reachable since the day before?

I live alone and am considered a 'vulnerable adult' because of health issues. Yesterday, there was a knock on the door and I opened it to find two police officers and two CMHT nurses. They don't have any of my families details as next of kin on record but they turned up because my usual CMHT nurse hadn't been able to reach me by phone the day before. Turns out my phone is broken and can't make or receive calls!

I was very impressed though, despite them arriving expecting to find something terrible had happened to me and I opened the door expecting them to tell me something terrible had happened to someone else!

I sent them all off with a cold bottle of water each and an ice lolly. I think they were glad they came round in the end!

I do have a 'death book' with account details, passwords and phone numbers. My nurse, sister and son know where its kept (my family live some hours away from me) so if the police had arrived to find me as a shrivelled up husk, my nurse would be able to direct them to The Book!

New to mumsnet @HonoriaBulstrode ?

😂
Please, don't underestimate old farmers

I would send them a Christmas card and ask how they are and include all your contact details

One my my husband’s relatives lives in a very rural area and had a neighbour who’s body was undiscovered for several weeks. He had pet dogs, who obviously needed to eat. I imagine that was very unpleasant for whoever found him. Ultimately it doesn’t actually harm the deceased, but it’s still a horrible thought. I wouldn’t have realised it could actually damage the building so seriously though.

Everyone’s immediate thought!

i worry about that happening to me, it wouldn't be months but I think I could be lying there decomposing for a few weeks before anyone bothered to check on me.

I didn't say I did
I'm explaining why I can understand that plenty of people would

Why not say it was nothing to do with money?

Why assume it was to do with money when the op didn't mention money?

Perhaps op didn't realise there are so many people here whose thoughts leap to 'money and inheritance ' when someone says 'elderly relative'.

Counting your chickens?

Why did you not just say it was a friend in the first place?
You must have known how it would come across the way you worded it. Why not say it was nothing to do with money?

I know of someone who died without any obvious relatives.
Presumably had lost touch, as relatives were located..
I am not sure whether it was social services, but they found an address in the apartment and contacted this person, who was able to locate the most direct relatives. (This indicates the partment was searched for relevant papers).
Without a will, any known assets are distributed according to the rules of intestacy, but relatives, usually the next of kin (ie closest relative by birth, but they could nominate someone else), would be resonsible for disposing of any assets (eg; selling a house), and organising a funeral.
If no relatives can be found then the council will organise a basic funeral. If no will can be found and the deceased had assets, the name will go on the bono vacantia list.

Genuinely curious

what made you think

“I know best way to help my friend, join up to mumsnet and start a thread in…. AIBU?!”

No one here knows the circumstances of the estrangement so I’m trying not to judge.
My advice is about England - I don’t know about Scotland, Wales or NI.
You can’t register as NOK and “crawl out of the woodwork” when the person dies (I don’t know if this is a universal or just a local term amongst the health/social care/legal professionals who support older people who have no practical, emotional or admin support in life but suddenly seem to have interested relatives when they die). NOK is nominated by a living person.
Your relative may have already considered what they want to do and nominated someone to make arrangements for their funeral and their estate - possibly the distant relative who is in touch, a Solicitor or a neighbour. So it’s by no means a done deal that your father will hear or to be told by anyone or need to be told as this may already be in hand.
If your relative hasn’t left a will, made any arrangements, or nominated a NOK, someone has to arrange the funeral and apply for an order to administer the estate and the decision maker about who this would be would be the local council if your relative dies at home, or hospital authorities if they die in hospital. I think this is a pragmatic decision based on their circumstances when they die - who, if anyone, is in touch with them. Family would be preferred over non family. If there is no will, there are laws about who gets what and a Solicitor would be instructed by the authorities, who would have to evidence they have taken steps to trace beneficiaries and to distribute the estate according to law. Google intestacy laws if you’re interested.
So nothing you can or should do now.
My bigger concern though is that you have described an older person who has significant needs and you believe your father is closest relative. Are you satisfied that that someone is assisting with his well being or is this not under your consideration? If you wanted to be supportive you could write - if no one is assisting your relation with correspondence and they can’t see or hear how are they managing to function safely eg medical appointments, correspondence about bills etc? If someone is assisting they could read your letter to your relative.
Salvation Army could help you to trace the relative who is helping and that may be a way for you to offer help.

where there is a will there is always a sobbing relation lol

I know a family where the ex husband/abusive father lay dead in the kitchen in a tropical summer for 3 weeks. No family contact. Several acres of land and he was able to get around, drive do his own shopping etc. and was not a recluse.

Finally one day the neighbour wandered over as she'd not seen him in a while. It was awful. Granted the ex wife and 2 adult kids wanted nothing to do with him because of his behaviour but it was still awful news for them. Didn't do much for the neighbour either.

In the end someone bought the place, removed the kitchen wall (as it could not be cleaned or in any way salvaged) and uses it still as a storage barn for livestock feed. Built another house closer to the road. Really the only other alternative was complete demolition.

This has literally just happened to me and my sister in the last few days . Our relative fell out spectacularly with us after our Mother died and we have had NC for approximately 10 years .Am not going into any detail.
Relative was living off grid on another continent where the culture is very different to the UK .
I was informed by the police late at night recently that relative has sadly died.
We have absolutely no idea how we were tracked down,knew nothing about their life ,who their friends were and we still don’t have any details about their death,address etc . Foreign Office have been as helpful as they can but we are up a brick wall trying to ensure ( despite the past) that relative gets a respectful funeral.
So what I am trying to say is that there are many people who just want to do the right thing for a relative regardless of their relationship.Not everyone are money grabbers.
Our relative certainly hasn’t got any money that we are aware of and if they did have any we want that money to benefit the community that relative lived in for over 30 years .

I’ve not RTFT, sorry, but I just wanted to say that OP could be genuinely just interested in knowing that their relative has passed with no selfish intent.

i grew up with very Little extended family in this country except two uncles, both of whom had left their partners and family abroad and lived as single men. Both uncles were nice to us as kids and we enjoyed having their company. But we learned later that they had exploited my parents’ kindness many times and after much personal loss my parents cut contact.

Years later we found out that both uncles had died sad and alone, not discovered for weeks, only reported when neighbours smelt something odd. The shock and sadness of learning that’s how my uncles died has left a deep scar within for all of us. I wish someone had let us know and we could have given them a decent burial. We got nothing In inheritance and nor did we ever expect to. But the sadness remains. No one deserves that sort of death.

More information could have been put in the OP tbf. People will assume, especially on here.