AIBU to feel a bit betrayed over something from 15 years ago?

I get how it might be a bit of a shock. Have they been good friends in the intervening years? If so, I wouldn't let it affect the friendship.

I know it’s a long time ago but I would still feel betrayed and it would definitely affect my friendship going forward.
I would want to tell them (it could be you find out you’ve got your dates wrong) and if it’s true then let the friendship go. Why would you want to be friends with them?

There is a Death in Paradise episode along these lines. The bridesmaid murdered the (cheater) bride.

Generally though I think that one of the really nice things about long standing friendships is that they have been someone who you have cared about and who have cared about you for years. But you have now learned that that isn’t true for your friend.

I wouldn’t kick up a fuss. I would just quietly step back and leave them to it.

I hear you, OP. You never got the opportunity to decide whether to continue the friendship or not.

I’d take the power back and go no contact with both of them.

The hurt is coming from a place of being friends with someone for 15 years who you might not have been had you known she’d been seeing your partner behind your back. They aren’t the person you thought they were.

The question you need ask yourself is : would you have continued the friendship 15 years ago had you known?

In my view: it’s been too long to kick up a huge fuss, but asking myself the above question, I wouldn’t be friends with them anymore. What sort of friend goes behind a friends back for a man? I’d slowly withdraw the friendship. No shouting match needed but just a withdrawal.

Forget it! You both ended up happy so all’s well that ends well.

I would actually want a partner to break up with me if he met someone who he liked enough to eventually marry and have a whole life with

I'm so sorry you've experienced this betrayal from 2 people whom you'd presumed you could trust
😢I couldn't trust either of them & I'd be wondering if this female friend would be tempted to try it on with my present partner /husband 😔
Unless there's a reason like when she 1st got with my ex bf she was extremely young & maybe under the influence of drink
Yes I believe it would be sensible & mature to communicate your honest human, natural & most understandable emotions to them
After all, they were meant to be your friends
Wishing You&Yours all the utmost very best
💚⭐💚

This has come as news to you, so even though it took place 15 years ago it’s fine to be a bit WTF?! about it privately, I wouldn’t make a fuss about it now though.

He cheated on you and she certainly wasn't your friend.

I would be pissed off in so much as it would 100% change what I think of them both, but overwhelminly about her.

They knew bloody well they were dishonest and thats why they hid it.

I get that you have happily moved on, but I certainly would feel so differently about them..

He's just a guy who cheated, but she was supposed to be your friend.

I don't want to be around that type of women, then or now.

Let it go, shocked you hadn’t worked it out before.

Don't say anything. It is too late. Be grateful that you did not end up with him if that is what he did. I was very much into a guy 50 years ago but did not trust him. There was something 'weak' about him. Anyhow, despite romancing about what might have been, my life ended up so much better. Nice to look back on when you are old, and great to be glad you escaped what may have been a cheat.

YABU. They clearly fell very hard for each other if they are still together now. That's not something you plan or control, especially at that age. It's nearly September, so he did the honourable thing and split with you asap without saying why, probably to avoid upsetting you and because they both liked you and wanted to stay friends. You weren't married, had no kids so he hadn't made any serious binding commitment to you. I honestly think this sort of thing happens all the time when people are young and it is no big deal.

Well, they are not friends, either of them, are they? Both of them betrayed you back then. Would do again at drop of a hat no doubt. You do not want her near your current man! I would cut off contact.

I get why you would feel betrayed she’s obviously forgotten that they were cheating behind your back but unless you want to lose the friendship I would let it go they obviously kept quiet in the beginning and you just thought that they ended up together later it was shitty behaviour but it’s done now so you either accept it or pull them up and see what happens next.

Have you ever treated someone poorly when you were young?
You can feel upset but I wouldn't bring it up with hostility.
If the roles were revered other than apologising what else can be done

YANBU to be hurt and I would have a conversation about it at some point. But dont let it eat away at you. We sometimes behave poorly when we're younger x

Personally I'd have mentioned it at the time of the conversation. Something like 'so you got together when I was shagging him, ergh!'

Then move on. 15 years. Different lives, different people.

I think the answer to your question is “both”! You’re not unreasonable to feel a bit hurt. But I wouldn’t make more of it than that; accept you feel like that and then let it go as ancient history. It won’t help to rake over the past now (and to do so will look to others like you still have a bit of a thing for the man in question, so all the more reason to let it go without making a big deal of it!)

OP I’d take some time to just sit with your feelings before you decide what to do. Maybe don’t initiate with them and just act polite but distant if you see them.

the same thing happened to me in my early 20s except I found out shortly after. The hurt I felt was immense and actually led to a bit of a breakdown as the betrayal blindsided me. I cut both of them out of my life for about 5 years and blanked them when we were at mutual events.

they didn’t end up together and all 3 of us married new, different people. After around 5 years I started seeing them both at weddings of the wider group and sort of started to do small talk with them, which progressed to some proper conversations and eventually we became friendly again. The woman is now one of my closest friends again!

what your friends did to you was take away the chance to process it. Maybe you’d have eventually forgiven them, maybe not. But either way you’d have made your own decisions based on facts.

on the other hand the benefit for you is that you’re finding out when you’re in a good place, so hopefully that softens the blow as you know you’ve found your happy ever after.

i recommend talking it through with a trusted friend and then taking some time and distance from them before deciding how you want to proceed.

No harm was done. You’re all now happy in your relationships. Get over it.

If you've got married, surely you realise that a brief fling of just a few months wasn't hugely significant? It's ok to feel a bit uncomfortable that he cheated on you, even to check and say "what a tosser you were", but then accept his apology and just move on.

I totally get where you’re coming from OP.

If you’d have known at the time that your boyfriend was cheating on you with your friend, it wouldn’t have been an amicable split, would it? And I doubt you’d have stayed friends with either of them.

The “amicable split” and the ensuing friendships are built on lies.

I wouldn’t feel the same about them now either.

If it were me, I’d have trouble getting past knowing that for all this time they’ve known that they both did a spectacularly shitty thing to you and yet they’ve carried on being friends like nothing happened. I hate been lied to and I hate feeling like I’ve been kept in the dark and made a fool of. If other people felt that was dramatic or over the top, fine but it wouldn’t change how I felt. I’d have nothing more to do with them and I’d tell them why.

This is AIBU, people come here for real talk. You want validation, post a pass-agg quote about true friends on social media.

From the OP: Which made me do the math and realise they must have gotten together while he and I were still going out. We were exclusive at the time.

That clearly explains that her boyfriend at the time cheated on her with a friend.