Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can you ever go back after separating?

59 replies

BaaBaaStripySheep · 16/08/2025 09:24

Can a trial separation ever work? Can you ever go back to your marriage after ending it? STBEX and I live separately and I was the one to end the marriage and move out. Recently we have been discussing the possibility of a trial separation.

The reality of separation and possible divorce has been a massive shock, co-parenting is painful and complicated. Life isn’t necessarily happier (it has only been a few weeks) and I don’t necessarily feel relief that I am free (I felt trapped for years)

Can you ever go back?

His family hate me.
My family hate him.
Our DC were told that we were separating and co-parenting.
What would happen on our wedding anniversaries?
Would things ever be the same again?

My mum has predicted that if I was to go back that H would treat me wonderfully for the first few months, it would be like we were dating again. Then she thinks he would fall back on old habits (treating me badly and using my leaving him as a weapon) my mind would go mad but at least we would be together as a family 🙈

Can time apart and counselling ever help? Would my moving back be confusing for the DC? Is it ever a good idea?

OP posts:
EvenMoreCrisps · 16/08/2025 11:24

But he always refused counselling

with intense counselling I wonder is it worth trying

Relationships are meant to be fun and life enhancing. That's the whole point.
If you're at the point of physically dragging a badly behaved man to intense counselling, is this going to be enjoyable?
If he's an abuser (not sure if he is?) no therapist would see you together.

Original poster
BaaBaaStripySheep · 16/08/2025 11:15

Thanks all. What ex is saying is that I didn’t give us a chance to work things out. That I just told him it was over and left a few months later. But he always refused counselling when we were together, told me to grow up and get over it when I mentioned past hurts (his bad behaviour towards me) and I did end it a few times but things would always go back to normal. Issues never resolved etc. But with intense counselling I wonder is it worth trying to keep our family together?

OP posts:
mintydoggyv · 16/08/2025 10:49

If it did not work the first time it won't work , difficult at first soldier on , well done always a hard thing to do

Zanatdy · 16/08/2025 10:48

Stick to your decision. It gets easier with time.

EvenMoreCrisps · 16/08/2025 10:46

You haven't written why you would want to get back together with the man you felt trapped with, who treated you you badly.
Your kids have been moved, told of the marriage ending. If the man is abusive they will need therapy.
You could get a parenting app, then there's no need to communicate with the man at all beyond child contact arrangements.
Plan a peaceful, enjoyable future.

Dryshampoofordays · 16/08/2025 10:34

Don’t make the decision out of fear or upset. Give yourself time to adjust and settle into a new rhythm, wait until your thoughts feel clearer and the decision will feel easier to make. Give it a little longer.

toomuchfaff · 16/08/2025 10:30

Theres a reason you wanted out, and it was because you werent happy. Just because its harder than you thought, don't be stupid to think you can step back in and it will be any easier, as youve seen, you can never predict, don't just jump back in the fire. Make you NOW better. your past is past.

User37482 · 16/08/2025 09:49

Stick to it, theres a reason you left.

QuickFawn · 16/08/2025 09:47

It’s never easy to start with. But it will be easier than being married to someone who makes you unhappy

Swipe left for the next trending thread