Pregnancy made me realise I don’t want a 2nd

Op you need to talk to your dh. Option 3 would end your marriage

I'd just go with option 3 and wouldn't feel guilty about it. Option 1 will ruin your marriage anyway if you feel the same after the baby is born.

But are you sure you are pregnant? Would be unusual if you are on the pill unless you know you've had an issue with taking it.

I found going from 1 to 2 absolutely awful. I’ve got a 3rd and 2 to 3 was so much easier.
Option 3 op, and don’t feel a moments guilt about it. I’d actually be questioning your marriage if the other options are genuinely a forced unwanted pregnancy or a divorce. Does he not care for you or his current child?

Option 3, that’s what I would do in your position anyway. It’s the kindest option for all of you.

lol. Yes because constantly being split into 2, having 2 sets of schedules and routines to follow, one pair of hands and two kids wanting you at the same time is so easy 🤣

Can't believe people are recommending option 3.

You need to talk to your husband

I’ve found the opposite. I currently have a 4 year old and a 1 year old and the 1 year old at this age takes my attention away from the 4 year old. Plus she has given us hell since she was born by not sleeping.

It might be great to have 2 as they get older, and it was fine in the early days when I could put my youngest in a carrier, but it’s really difficult right now.

That’s a terrible situation, i feel for you. I can’t advise but I can say - I didn’t want a second child when my dc1 was 3. Those first three years almost broke me, I found the early years exhausting, isolating and relentless and I felt I had lost myself; relationship with dh was on its knees. If I had fallen pregnant then…I would probably have cried for weeks knowing I had to do it all again.

But belatedly I realised I did want that second child we originally planned, so after a gap I had dc2. And I know that our family is complete (frankly I’d secretly love a third and fourth but I’m now too old!).

Once my dd was 4 and once my ds was 5 they each became such wonderful little people. My second child (ds) has always been so independent! He gets himself up and dressed, makes his breakfast, plays independently. He helps out at home, he’s funny and so beautiful. I smile every time I see him, he is my sunshine.

You need to talk it through with your dh, explain your feelings. What could be done to make you reduce the dread? Don’t do this all alone. Could dh take a proper paternity leave - could you bottle-feed and let him be SAHD after the first 5 months so you can return to work? Can you find a regular babysitter so you don’t lose those nights out with Dh? Can you afford a mother’s help so you don’t have all the hassle landing solely on your shoulders?

Think about solving those problems, and see how you feel.

This is miss information, a termination through Bpas you can ask for it not to be on your medical records and your GP will not be informed.

Sorry you’re in this situation op. I completely hear you, and I believe many women who have terminations already have children.

I would be honest with him and do option 2, on the basis that if you feel you have to hide this from him and he doesn’t respect that you don’t want to put your body through this again, then the marriage is not the best thing to continue anyway.

Oh OP this is a really tough situation. I would go with option 1 or 3. I would ring bpas now and say you aren’t sure but want to speak to their counsellors. You need to support to talk through your options. Then after that hopefully you can make a decision.

If you have a termination and don’t tell him you’ll have to keep that quiet for the rest of your life. It will also be on your medical records and you may be asked about it in the future if you have any medical situation where it could be relevant so you’ll be having to ask your DH to leave the room every time it’s discussed which will obviously make him suspicious. If you don’t tell him now it’s quite likely you’ll end up telling him later, forever is a long time, and that will be even worse.

A few years ago a friend of mine had a termination when she felt the timing really wasn’t right for her and her husband supported her with it despite wanting to keep the baby. They did go on to have a baby together, but have stopped at one because she doesn’t want more.

If DH is happy with what you decide about 1 or 2 kids, and he knows you weren’t trying are you sure this would end your marriage if you told him and terminated?

I personally have found that having 2 wasn't any harder than only having one. In some ways it was easier as they had someone else to play with instead of just me (which was rather draining).

If you really don't want the pregnancy, I would also go for 3.

I’d go with option 3 and live with that, you know if you tell DH that he will pressure you the sooner the better I don’t think you’d mentally cope with this pregnancy and I’ve never read a post when I’m convinced you mean what you say.

I’d go with option 3

Oh OP you poor thing. I found out I was pregnant again totally by accident when DD was only 6 months old. I was just gutted and also wished for a miscarriage (which seems terrible now) I knew I wanted a second though at some stage it was just completely wrong timings, I was finding Motherhood very hard to adjust too and was still in the thick of it with a 6 month old. The difference was my DH (now ex) was onboard with what ever decision I made so I could tell him how I felt. In your shoes if you 100% know you don't want another and are 100% certain your DH would not support you I would go with option 3. You are in a no win situation whichever way you turn but ultimately this is your body and not your DHs.

I really feel for you but if you know you are heading for a termination do it sooner rather than wait wishing you all the best

Such a tough situation for you.

You do say in your post your husband would love another, but would be happy with whatever you decided. I think you will have to talk to him and be really honest about how you are feeling since finding out. He might surprise you with how he responds.

But of course you should not continue the pregnancy if you absolutely do not want another child, as difficult as this is.

Just as an aside, panic when you find out you are pregnant is completely normal-particularly 2nd and 3rd for me-I am not saying this is what is happening for you, but give yourself a little time to think everything through as well.