Do I Need To End This?

6 to 8 hours a week is an hour a day. That's not grinding.

The PTs I know are out there actively hitting up gyms and fitness centers and networking, putting themselves out there. When they're not training, they're grinding. They're making videos of different length training sessions and putting those on SM and websites as advertising. They're getting more credentials. They're putting in full time.

Your guy is slow right now. Why isn't he making these videos and putting them up. He could have a whole series where he could put up say a 15 minute workout and a 30 minute and put up more each week.

Ok, I read more.

He's a personal trainer after switching careers who's been working on a website for 3 years. He's younger than you too and has kids that he needs to support.

I know some personal trainers and it is a constant grind. Pamphlets, come on now. His site should have been up and running in a week and he should be updating regularly. He should be on the hustle and I don't mean for rich women to finance him. His lack of hustle would be very concerning in a field that one needs a lot of. He sounds content to coast. I think if you stay with this guy, you're going to end up being his sugar mama and possibly financing his kids because you are off in some dickmatized romantic dream world. 4 months and you're thinking moving in and marriage and damn! Slow down at least. I see why your family is concerned.

As I said, listen to your family who know you and know how broken you were with your ex. If you are vulnerable to a man using you listen to their concerns.

Where does he live does he have his own house?

No it may be your place to tell him to get a proper job but when chatting just put it out there that after 3yrs if he is only now thinking of working on his online presence and hasn't even thought about your other suggestions then it shows a lack of drive and business sense which is imperative when self employed.

Anyway after only 4months proceed with caution!

You've only been together for 4 months and you've already discovered you're financially incompatible.

You're dickmatized right now but once that wears off you're going to find his not being able to do all the activities you like to do that requires money really wearing. Your options are just meet in the park and do super cheap or free activities or you pay his way.

He isn’t the one if the decision to be with him is based on money.

I'm not so sure it's about what he can and can't afford op.

You've said it was family who said these things. They have seen me completely broken by ex DH so very protective'

Listen to your family who know you. Rather than strangers on the internet.

You say you love him after 4mths, this man who is self employed but hasn't even got pamphlets sorted or a website after 3years.

You live in a posh area. Alarm bells should be ringing here, you are possibly being played and your very nice but overly romantic descriptions would worry me if you were a friend or relative of mine. Take care and no, do not be delivering his pamphlets tell him to get his arse in gear and get a proper job.

Good luck .

Personally I think you are right to question things. This comes down to what is important to you and where you are in life. It sounds like your chap has done a lot of work on himself for improvement, which is good, but do you believe he is capable of taking it further and being able to live the lifestyle that you want.
Also, what about his kids? I saw he has them every Sunday. No sleep overs, will that change?. Look at the longer term picture too. If you continue, marry, move in together, the children may spend a lot more time with you. He may want to include them in future holiday plans. How do you feel about that? Does that fit in with what you want your life to be like?
I'm your age, and my priorities have definitely changed, so I get it. Also, that first love after a hard break up can feel huge and 4 months isn't very long at all.
So think and consider carefully. It's wonderful that you've met someone, but don't lose sight of your own dreams and aspirations.

If he can't afford some of that stuff, would you be ok doing it yourself? Longer term its something to talk about - what you want from life etc and prioritisies etc. Spends often need planning and you're relatively new to having some of thise chats.

And where does he live does he have a mortgage?

Wonder how much maintenance he was paying his ex for his DC when in his finance job vs now. Imagine her take on his story might be interesting.

'Hes trying to get his online side of the business going too'

Oh op, he's been doing it 3yrs. The online side should have been set up 3yrs ago.

I agree with pp you sound overly romantic which is understandable but please take off the rose coloured specs. He could've and should've made this business a success all year round after 3 years. If he hasn't then he should've got another job not just one in the summer.

His poor choices would make me back away more than his ability to pay for trips.

You say you live in a posh area with massive houses?

The way I look at it is this. I am now solvent but I had some really difficult years. When life was like that I did absolutely everything I could to make more money. I think a business with such a lot of slack time isn't a viable business. Either he needs to rethink his entire career or find ways of making money during those slack times, otherwise it's a hobby, not a business.

When I had less money I couldn't do a lot of things and I really yearned to. Now that I can afford, I really want to be able to do them. I don't want to have to pay someone to come out with me. I didn't expect that (or receive it) when I had less money. My focus then was on making more money and spending as little as I could. I'm fed up with that now and never want to go back.

He's younger than you and has young children. He's at a completely different stage in his life. There's even more reason why he should be focused on either changing his career or finding a way of making more money. He has children to think of as well as himself.

Honestly, I would lose respect for a man who didn't focus on his finances at this point in his life. He knows what he needs to do but wants to fanny about with a hobby-job that doesn't provide a living for him and his children.

I think you're at the honeymoon stage with him. While you're there you can't live the way you want to live, the way you deserve to be able to live, because you will have to pay him to keep you company. That's not much of a honeymoon, is it? And it won't get better. His job is generally a young man's job. His children will become teenagers and therefore more expensive. What's he doing to safeguard their financial future? What's he doing to safeguard his own?

I appreciate he's a nice guy but I couldn't be doing with his attitude.

You sound unrealistic and overly romantic, after only 4 months.

With DC of those ages he’s in deadbeat dad territory to only see them once a week and have a self employed business for 3 years that is his ‘passion’ doesn’t seem viable, rather than pursue something with better prospects to earn well (to provide for his DC). Prioritising himself. That should surely give you the ick rather than admire him.

If he can’t afford things like activities to do together, meals etc (taking turns) lower cost UK weekends away etc then he can’t afford to date someone who enjoys those things.

he’d be even more of a deadbeat dad to spend his money on costly holidays with you.

YANBU not to subsidise him.

Hmmm a sensible business owner would have savings/ a plan for quieter months or get casual work.

I think he's a lovebomber/ potential cock lodger -you are "deeply in love"
Yet you are still at the early dating stage 4 months in

Op this is harsh but it is a thing amongst single fathers to find a woman to provide what the feel they have " lost" to their ex wives, they feel entitled.
I would not date if I couldn't afford a meal/ cinema/ day out entry -why does he feel entitled to do so?

I’m 55.
I’ve just ended things with a man similar in some ways to your partner, I was seeing him for 6 months. It was hard to do because it is difficult to meet a decent man at my age.
However, I didn’t have that connection you tell us you have. I didn’t see myself completely loving him, growing old with him. If I had felt that, I would have stayed whatever his financial situation was.
Is it possible for him to improve his earnings over the peak times to cushion him during the lean months?

@didwejustbecomebestfriends you haven’t really responded to any questions about his DC. Surely when he has more cash he will prioritise spending more on them? If he can afford a holiday won’t he take them?

It would seem that getting him to restructure his business would be worthwhile. He should have work all year round even if it’s a mixture of roles. Possibly using his old finance skills as a side hustle?

I think people are being too harsh.

I was in a relationship were I was the bread winner and paid for nearly everything. I didn't mind in the first few years as you're still in the honey moon stage and happy and in love. But 10yrs in and still paying for most things, I did start to resent it. He also started to expect it. Like he'd never offer to pay or even get me a lousy coffee. I felt taken for granted in the end.

It's all well and good saying money shouldn't matter if you have love but it's not realistic long term. And your not wrong for worrying about it.

Saying that your partner doesnt sound as bad as my ex. I'd give it till Christmas and see how you go. Just dont fall into the trap of paying for everything.

It wouldn’t do for me unless his financial situation is a temporary blip . I’ve just retired so have all the time to do the travelling , hobbies , socialising I want . It’s my time after a lifetime of work . The thought of a partner not being able to do those things would grate . There’s only so many park walks you can do .

I wonder why you didnt just pay for you both to do the thing you wanted to do on your birthday?

For your ideal world would that include eg a weekend in a youth hostel or camping? Could the meal out be Nando's? Does a takeaway just mean "a nice meal at home that I haven't had to cook"?

If you had a conversation with him where you told him about your ideal world, and he said "my budget for those things would stop at X" (and assuming X isn't enough to do things the way you want to) would that make you want to end the relationship and try to find someone who can afford them, even if they're not as good as match? As PP said you can do a lot of these things alone or with other people!

How old are his children? Surely that's going to be much more of a hinderance to all of your fun than just money. What if they came to live with him full time?