Husband unhappy with my friendship with a man

I know for certain my husband who never has never questioned me or stopped me from doing my own thing -mutual, would absolutely not be happy with me having lunch regularly with another man ,and i would feel the same with him and a female friend.
Not many people would tolerate this ,its human nature.

I'm going to go against the grain here. I'm in a similar situation. I have a very good male friend I see often, also through a hobby and also purely platonic, whom I have known for well over a decade.
We have been good friends from before I met my current partner. Fortunately, my partner is fine with me having friends and we are secure in our relationship so it's not an even close to an issue.
But if he ever insisted I reduce or cut contact with an old friend, not because I was having an affair or ever intended to, but simply because he felt insecure and jealous, then frankly I'd be reconsidering the relationship myself.
Good friends and community are healthy. Being completely wrapped up in your romantic partner to the point that you're cutting off friends to prevent jealousy is not.
And yes, I do agree that this would be different in the case of an emotional affair or infatuation, but there is absolutely no evidence that this is what is happening here.

Sorry, I think you got your priorities wrong here.
I had a close male friend when I met my husband (didn’t see each other often due to distance but text almost every day). The moment things got serious with my husband I realised my friendship would have to change. We stayed friends but he was no longer the first person I went to with news or for advice etc. My husband was cool with us being friends, but if at any point he hadn’t have been I would have distanced the friendship even more without hesitation. Unfortunately (for me) friend met his now wife who wasn’t cool with us being friends so now he has basically ghosted me. But you know what? I get it. Spouses come first especially when you have children with them. I can’t imagine a world where I would choose any of my friends over my husband and father of my kids. Your actions tell me that maybe deep down you didn’t see the relationship working out long term or maybe you had already drifted apart?

If this is correct… you go out 3-4 times a week with a child from a previous relationship, plus two more children you share and all are attending fee paying school and let’s say you only work part time. Your DH told you he was uncomfortable with you swanning about with a friend multiple times in the week while he works full time, paying for one child that isn’t his… and you told him he could stick it. He then gave you six months and you’re surprised you have to fund yourself in the future?

I wouldn’t dream of going out this much in the week in your set up, with kids school fees, limited earnings and basically rubbing it in my partner’s face. I don’t think it would matter to me if the friend is male or female. I cannot get over having 3 kids and going out 4 times a week on someone else’s salary.

You completely ignored your husband's feelings about a situation he was uncomfortable with. You told your husband how important he was- which wasn't very important at all- and he made a decision for himself.

Your life circumstances have changed based on your decisions and it is in no way your ex's responsibility to take care of your child.

Is this a reverse? The lack of detail in some aspects of the post makes me wonder. It's also more common for men to throw their marriages away like this than women.

To be honest I think your title is wrong. Your male friend may have been the cause of the initial disagreement but I think your behaviour since is the reason he’s moving towards a divorce. It’s not necessarily about the male fire friend, it’s the disrespect

Something I've often thought reading similar whines!

You prioritized your friend over your marriage. Your soon to be ex has told you it's time for you to get a job, so he was supporting you, your older child from another relationship, and your two kids together. He's also not going to be childcare for your oldest.

You made a dumb choice. FAFO.

Try hitting up up your friend for financial support and childcare. You dumped your marriage for him.

Should have thought about that when choosing your friend over your marriage.

So if I’m understanding this right, for nine months of the year you see this male friend three times a week- a Saturday and through the week for your hobby and also a lunch date? That does sound like quite a lot to me. Is his issue jealousy? Or does he feel like meeting this friend (and also your other friends) impacts on family life? It’s not really fair for people to say you chose your friend over him. If it’s jealousy, then this is his issue and HE is choosing his jealousy over his marriage. If however your socialising is impacting on family life then yes it could be construed as you choosing that over him and your family.
Does he have friends/hobbies and how much time was that taking up for him?
Im wondering also if the friendship is just the excuse he needed to leave and is actually a red herring?
The job thing- does your working part time mean that you don’t need to spend as much money on childcare? If so, then his stance that he is ‘supporting you’ is unfair, because you are parenting the children and saving on childcare costs which can be considerable.
In the six months since he left, is he caring for the children equally? If so, who is caring for them when he is at work on ‘his time’ with them. Or is not 50/50 and you are still picking up the childcare slack? It’s difficult to say if yabu in continuing to work part time without knowing more about how childcare responsibilities are split.
If he wants you to go full time he needs to understand that might mean paying more for childcare.
Of course he doesn’t need to contribute anything to your child. It’s admirable if he wants to though.

If my DH spent so much time with a female friend that I felt I needed to ask him to stop, and he didn’t stop, that would tell me all I needed to know: he cares more about his relationship with her than his relationship with me.

You had your DH playing second fiddle and he grew tired and left. Probably sensible.

It would be kind of him to do you a favour and look after his step child while you keep up with your busy social life, but it shouldn’t be an expectation.

I think you need to get used to the fact that you are on your own because you essentially chose to be. You need to take ownership of your own responsibilities and not keep looking for others to fulfil them for you.

you fucked up

There's another thread where the husband's hobby and special female friend is blowing up a marriage. Everyone on that thread is telling the OP to leave her piece of crap of a husband. I don't see why it should be different if the roles are reversed.

Well maybe you should have thought about that before you prioritised your unemployed mate over your marriage.

You reap what you sow

Your own fault. I’d leave my husband if he was spending more and more time with a woman and refused when I asked him to stop. You chose another man over him.

There's another thread where the husband's hobby and special female friend is blowing up a marriage. Everyone on that thread is telling the OP to leave her piece of crap of a husband. I don't see why it should be different if the roles are reversed.

???

Is it you and your friend doing the hobby one-on-one or are you doing it as part of a group/ club?

You commit one evening, one lunch time and one weekend day to your friend and hobby. How much time did you commit to doing nice things with your husband?

Doesn’t sound as though he’s been unreasonable at all. I think there’s more to this than OP is letting on. How many times did he ask her to cut down the time spent with the friend before he walked out ? How many times did she refuse ? If this was a happy marriage before this, why was there not more discussion before effectively ending it ?

Agree it does seem like a baiting thread as surely no one is that entitled?

You want your stbex to bankroll you while you swan around with with the unemployed bloke you broke up your marriage for - ffs get real!

Im thinking OP is spending more time with him than she's admitted, especially as he's been redundant and not working

Erm as a wife I would find is bizarre you spending so much time with a male friend you've got your focus very wrong and also find it odd you wouldn't work full time when you can to so thumbs up for your hubby making a stand and sad you made a choice that quite frankly cuts him out

I think the solution was already in OP’s hands. Her DH wasn’t asking her to end the friendship, just cut down on the time spent with this man.

After the other thread in plain sight, this one is almost unbelievable