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Original poster

Husband unhappy with my friendship with a man

232 replies

Lll09 · 16/08/2025 06:41

I knew my friend long before I met my husband; we have been close friends for years, and it's purely platonic, with no romantic feelings whatsoever. However, my husband has become increasingly annoyed at the amount of time I've even spending with them - he has been made redundant and has a lot of free time.
My husband asked me to stop spending so much time together, I refused and 6 months ago he left.

On the whole, I thought we had a happy marriage, aside from this issue. We have 2 children, plus 1 from my previous marriage. I thought, he'd clam down and we'd progress to counselling but he's made it clear he isn't interested.

At the start of the school holidays, he told me he is no longer willing to financially support me and has told me to find a full time job. It's going to be a nightmare because he has been very noncommittal about providing childcare for his step child, although he has said he will continue to contribute to their school fees.

A few friends have said I should have acquiesced, and I sometimes thing i should have.

OP posts:
Lostworlds · 16/08/2025 06:56

I think it’s quite a hard one, how much time did you spend with your friend over your husband?

At the end of the day, you chose your friendship over your marriage. Sadly you can’t expect your husband to fund your life, especially as you’ve now separated. He doesn’t need to provide any childcare to his step child as he has no parental responsibility there but it is very kind that he’s still willing to pay towards their education.

You should get legal advice on how to split costs and perhaps look for a job that would suit around child care and look into different types of childcare.

jeaux90 · 16/08/2025 06:56

If I’m honest I’d be pissed off of my partner was just working part time and hanging out with friends, but I assume you are doing the majority of the childcare which is why you are part time? Sometimes we just don’t share the same objectives, shared goals and ethics and this can definitely break a marriage. You need to get practical and start sorting out child access (get a CAO in place as part of the divorce) and work out the split of assets. See a solicitor

HerNeighbourTotoro · 16/08/2025 06:56

I mean, it seems you did spend a lot of time together, he asked oyu to stop, you didnt and he called oyur bluff. He does not have to support your child from your previous marriage, surely this is for your first ex to sort out?
I think you took your husband for granted and were annoying him on purpose, sadly a ft jobs may seem in the cards for you now you are on your own. (Maybe your friend can support you?).

BallerinaRadio · 16/08/2025 06:54

How much time do you spend together? If you're choosing to spend time with him over your husband, or it's literally for hours every day I can see why your husband would have an issue with that.

You were happy to sacrifice your marriage for your friend so you can see why your husband would have a problem with that

Hiddendisability12 · 16/08/2025 06:53

I think he was trying to find an excuse to get out. If it wasn't this it would be something else later down the line. I'm surprised though he'd continue to pay school fees for a child that is not his. He's not going provide childcare for a child that isn't his either. How much time were you spending with the friend and was it at the expense of him and your children?

IlovePhilMitchell · 16/08/2025 06:51

how much time is too much time?

autienotnaughty · 16/08/2025 06:49

Well you have chose your friend over your husband. It’s hard to say if your dh was unreasonable, but could there have been a compromise.?

Going forward you need to get legal advice, your dh is not obliged to support you so you need to jointly decide on maintenance, custody, the house. If you are going for a 50/50 split don’t forget you are entitled to half his savings snd pension plus half the house. He is under no obligation to support your dd. You may be entitled to some benefits? But yes you would be better working.