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Original poster

Would you take your ex in, if the only other option was being homeless

383 replies

Donotpanicoknowpanic · 15/08/2025 23:31

If you have an ex that left you but they then fell on hard times and literally the only option was to sleep at yours or they sleep in their car (realistically this would be reasonably long term)

Would you let them sleep at yours until they are back on their feet

(The council were contacted and no realistic opinions were provided)

The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce

Though if nothing is expected of them (such as helping to tidy up), will be quite and enjoys spending time with the kids

OP posts:
HerkyBaby · 16/08/2025 08:03

He will have been given options re housing but perhaps didn’t fancy them. If he comes to live with you he will no longer be classified as homeless and will not be a priority for housing.
Just don’t OP as evicting him will be very difficult when his old behaviours resurrect themselves.

ormiwtbte · 16/08/2025 08:03

Donotpanicoknowpanic · 16/08/2025 00:26

I have full custody of the children, always have

I don't need her in anyway

I'm financially secure - she pays nothing and have plenty of offers of childcare help

I just feel sorry for her as she has made loads of bad decisions since leaving me and it's got so bad she can not even support herself anymore

I hope to be strict and make her turn her life around (ie get a job)

This would be very confusing for the children.
The bad decisions are not your problem.

You hope to be "strict"and make her get a job? That's not going to work. Read the many stories on here of (usually female) posters tearing their hair over cocklodging men who are quite happy to sit around doing nothing, usually claiming mental health issues mean they can't work, conveniently having a breakdown every time they are asked to do something. (This is not bashing those who are genuinely mentally unwell)
You will have exactly the same scenario and good luck trying to get her out again once she's in.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 16/08/2025 08:01

Donotpanicoknowpanic · 16/08/2025 00:42

She was offered a HMO but I was worried about her safety

I hope to fill out some forms for her tomorrow to do with council housing

I've not had much to do with that side of it so far as I've been trying to stay out

But alas it has come over to me

Show quote history

Right, so it's not literally the only other option for her to sleep in her car. She was offered a perfectly acceptable form of housing that I, and many other people, have used at different stages of life.

Your being "worried about her safety" to that extent suggests you want her to live with you. Maybe you want to be the hero or the rescue.
But she has been offered alternative accommodation, so please don't say her choices are the car or your house, because it's just not true.

Hangingoutwashing · 16/08/2025 08:01

Don’t do it

Isitmeyourecookingfor · 16/08/2025 08:00

No way

HotDogKetchup · 16/08/2025 07:57

No. Why is he my responsibility? I’d wonder why he has nobody else too?

Bikergran · 16/08/2025 07:56

Given the "nastiness" that has gone before, absolutely not. Not your ex-circus, not your ex-monkeys. Besides, if ex moves in, they're no longer homeless, so no longer a priority.

ormiwtbte · 16/08/2025 07:55

Donotpanicoknowpanic · 16/08/2025 00:42

She was offered a HMO but I was worried about her safety

I hope to fill out some forms for her tomorrow to do with council housing

I've not had much to do with that side of it so far as I've been trying to stay out

But alas it has come over to me

Show quote history

Did she not take the HMO because you were worriedabout her safety?
She should have moved in there.

And no, never in a million years would I let my ex live with me, homeless or not.

It makes no difference whether your ex is male or female.

Imisscoffee2021 · 16/08/2025 07:52

Not if they were unkind and nasty during a divorce, awful to family and then won't help in any way around the house, then no. 100% no, and the children enjoying being near them is somethijg they can facilitate out of the home. Won't it be confusing for them when they leave again if they do stay?

NewsdeskJC · 16/08/2025 07:51

No

LadyBracknellsHandbagg · 16/08/2025 07:51

Donotpanicoknowpanic · 15/08/2025 23:57

Okay

What if I'm male and the ex is female?

(I was in two minds if I should point this out at the start)

Edited

Still no.

LadyBracknellsHandbagg · 16/08/2025 07:49

Donotpanicoknowpanic · 15/08/2025 23:31

If you have an ex that left you but they then fell on hard times and literally the only option was to sleep at yours or they sleep in their car (realistically this would be reasonably long term)

Would you let them sleep at yours until they are back on their feet

(The council were contacted and no realistic opinions were provided)

The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce

Though if nothing is expected of them (such as helping to tidy up), will be quite and enjoys spending time with the kids

Nope.

Theoldboots · 16/08/2025 07:49

No

Thulpelly · 16/08/2025 07:49

hard no

RedRock41 · 16/08/2025 07:49

Makes no difference she’s female. Don’t enable her. Unhealthy you are filling in the forms and making it your problem. There are organisations to help. Also some HMOs can be all female.
In many ways this is a non problem as you are choosing to get overly involved. Put her in touch with the relevant help sources and back off.

Littlelightonly · 16/08/2025 07:48

No.

RedRock41 · 16/08/2025 07:45

Absolutely not. Tell her to ring Shelter or go to CAB.

kleverklogs · 16/08/2025 07:44

No.
And HMOs are fine. I lived in several as a mature student in my early 30s. Met some interesting characters for sure, but there was a lock in my bedroom door, I was always safe.

jeaux90 · 16/08/2025 07:39

No. This is one for the council to solve which they won’t if you let her stay.

Lighteningstrikes · 16/08/2025 07:39

No.

She’s caused so much pain and upset and will drag you all back down again. Leopard’s don’t change their spots.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 16/08/2025 07:37

Is there any lie that hasn't been deployed in this attempt to get back?

mbonfield · 16/08/2025 07:37

I think that you should count up the number of NO's.

You are stirring up history if you let her back in and think about the issues of trying to get rid.

justasking111 · 16/08/2025 07:34

No because the council will consider the problem solved homing wise

Goditsmemargaret · 16/08/2025 07:33

Yes I probably would. Unfortunately.

Do I think you should? Absolutely not.

OnceIn · 16/08/2025 07:32

Who turned the hmo down? Did she or did she do this following your input about her safety?

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