Would you take your ex in, if the only other option was being homeless

But it doesn’t need to be you, she’s a grown woman who can fill her own forms out. I’m sorry but she’s made her life

she’s walked away from you and her children, ok she’s made bad decisions but she made them as an adult. We’ve all made mistakes but she walked away, and she doesn’t want you or her children back she wants you to sort things out for her so she can carry on as before.

dont let her use you like this, have a little respect in yourself and your children. If you must speak to her about it, point her in the direction of the people who can help and shut the door. Tbh that’s more than I would do.

i can just see a few months from now, she’s living in your home, disrespecting and disrupting your life upsetting you and the children, eating your food, running up your bills, expecting to be able to treat the place as her home how would you feel if she bought a friend home for the night ? All her attempts to get somewhere else will fall apart - she will tell you it’s your fault if you filled the forms out, she will say you owe her, she will try harder, she will miss the children. She will have her feet under your table and see no reason to leave, it will be winter and as far as anyone is concerned she has a roof over her head and someone to support her.

I could go on and on

but never ever will you convince me that helping her is a good idea. Tell her your sorry she’s hit hard times , advice her to seek help if she needs it, then firmly close the door, don’t even ask her in for a cup of tea

Now l know your ex is a woman , the answer is still No.

I would still like to know more about this conversation about the HMO.
Something smells off about this whole thing and I think you are being disingenuous.
Very rare for a mother to never have had had any custody of children (you said you have always had full custody)
She was offered accommodation but by your own (admittedly limited) explanation you deemed it not safe but had no alternative to advise?
I’m not buying this narrative you are pedalling.
I think something is off. Very off.

No. It will a way of continuing the abuse.

Even more no now i know your ex is female.

Safety issues mean that councils ensure they offer homeless women accommodation.

You are not the only option and don't let her tell you that you are. It's interesting that she's come to you and not other friends/ family. Either she knows you are a soft touch or she's burned her bridges with everyone else.

HMOs offered by the council won't be the nicest places, but it's a roof over her head and perhaps she can start to rebuild her life.

You rescuing her isn't a solution. She moves in you will never get her out.

This 👆

If the council think she has somewhere to go, then they won't help her.

The kindest thing that you could do here is say NO. She has no incentive to sort herself out if she keeps being bailed out. Advise her and guide her if you must, but from a distance.

She's shown you who she really is with all the nastiness. Don't let her back in, you won't be able to get her out again.

She is manipulating you.

Help by all means but make her live somewhere else. She sounds toxic and not someone you need in your home.

No. Definitely not.

It’s very simple. Why would you invite a deadbeat ‘parent’ with form for being nasty into your children’s safe space?

Focus on your children, not her and not you saving her.

OP he will work on you to resume your relationship so he has somewhere to live.
Don't do it.

No. You have no responsibility for him at all.

My (hypothetical) ex, I would. Yours, I would not.

No. It's telling that no other friends or family are helping either.

You'll be confusing the kids and she can get somewhere else being a lone female.

Please don't jeopardise your home.

No. He abused us.

There are a couple of my ex's I'd put up for a while because they're fundamentally good people and I trust them. But there are others, the mother of my children definitely being one of them, that would be a hard no.

@Donotpanicoknowpanic what were the circumstances that meant you ended up with your children full-time?

No, he is not your responsibility.

No. If they were nasty during and after the divorce, they can go fuck themselves. I don’t know why you’d even consider it.

If we had come out of the divorce as friends and we were coparenting very well together, I’d consider it as a temporary measure with the understanding that he would be saving for a deposit on a new place etc.

I saw the genders and it doesn’t change my answer. However, if she turned down the chance at a HMO because of you scaremongering I do think maybe you owe her as it was spectacularly bad advice. She was dumb if she took it, but you should feel bad if she missed that opportunity because of you.

No. If the separation had been very amicable, perhaps.
It's telling that the only person in her life considering helping her is an ex who she directed her nasty streak at and told lies about. You reap what you sow.

Yes - did she turn down the HMO based on you telling her it wasn’t safe? What did you think she would do instead? What reason did she give for turning down the HMO?

No. The very fact she has asked someone she bullied and abused over social media shows the sort of person she is, and what you can expect again when you are no longer of use.

She will be fine - these types always are. Maybe she can doss with her social media supporters?

I would guess she wants you back as her 'provider' until she can find some other bloke to pay for her.

Her not him. Updated posts from OP.

No, they’re an ex for a reason and I’d rather stab myself in the eye with a blunt pencil.

Not a fucking chance.

He made my life absolute hell before we got divorced and for many years during and after. I've often thought our lives would be easier if he had died rather than be part of an ongoing trauma.

If he was facing homelessness it would be because of a series of bad choices and financial ruin due to alcoholism. I wouldn't take that on again in a million years.

I wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire, much less have him in my house.

Reading your subsequent replies, you sound very enmeshed with her still - you feel sorry for her, you intend to ‘be strict’ and help her turn her life around, you’re worried she wouldn’t be safe in a HMO etc. But she’s your ex - presumably for very good reasons, given you have full custody - and her situation is not your problem to solve.

You need to step back, stop over-functioning and maintain better boundaries. Don’t let her chaos into your children’s home.

No, dont let them stay with you. I fully understand feeling compassion and empathy for others. But you need to protect yourself. If you struggling with the feelings seek help to deal with them. Its good to be a good person, but sometimes people like that need to hit rock bottom to change. Listen to everywhere here, no just no.