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Original poster

Would you take your ex in, if the only other option was being homeless

383 replies

Donotpanicoknowpanic · 15/08/2025 23:31

If you have an ex that left you but they then fell on hard times and literally the only option was to sleep at yours or they sleep in their car (realistically this would be reasonably long term)

Would you let them sleep at yours until they are back on their feet

(The council were contacted and no realistic opinions were provided)

The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce

Though if nothing is expected of them (such as helping to tidy up), will be quite and enjoys spending time with the kids

OP posts:
everythingthelighttouches · 16/08/2025 08:48

Donotpanicoknowpanic · 16/08/2025 08:46

Maybe badly written

Decline her asking that she lives with me

Show quote history

Has she already declined the HMO place?

Vaxtable · 16/08/2025 08:46

No

Nannyfannybanny · 16/08/2025 08:46

No way,he was abusive, controlling,left me with a huge mortgage, and tried to kill me after insuring me for a large sum, after he lost his business.

Original poster
Donotpanicoknowpanic · 16/08/2025 08:46

everythingthelighttouches · 16/08/2025 08:44

Decline her offer?

Maybe badly written

Decline her asking that she lives with me

OP posts:
snemrose · 16/08/2025 08:44

Hope she does well and gets good support from others whether it be emotionally, practically and form filling and makes her own decisions on where she lives.

everythingthelighttouches · 16/08/2025 08:44

Decline her offer?

Original poster
Donotpanicoknowpanic · 16/08/2025 08:42

Thanks for all the comments,

The message from everyone is clear

What my parents are telling me to do is correct

I will help her from a distance and decline her offer and tell her to go back to the council

My children's behaviour have improved massively since she left, a few school reports have commented that they can't believe the difference they have seen

OP posts:
MrBeanMustBeMyDad · 16/08/2025 08:41

Candleabra · 16/08/2025 08:36

Don’t get involved. You shouldn’t have said anything about the HMO, I hope she has the opportunity to accept it now she turned it down on your advice (not sure how these things work).

Yes I don't think it was right to get involved either.

Beggars can't be choosers, and honestly, it's the safest, most stable option if they accept benefits and will wait for her to get a claim up and running, and get herself an advance so she can pay what she needs to pay.

Flightyandmighty · 16/08/2025 08:40

Nope.

Jk987 · 16/08/2025 08:40

Nope. You will not be able to get rid of him. It wilL be confusing for the children. You’ll end up paying for him to live and eat. You’ll be washing his pants and picking up his socks. Why doesn’t he move in with a sibling or parent?

Doggymummar · 16/08/2025 08:40

No. He asked, I said no

opencecilgee · 16/08/2025 08:40

Do you have kids?

myglowupera · 16/08/2025 08:37

No it would ruin mine and my children’s lives.
My ex always says that he’ll have to give up his house one day as he can’t afford the rent and he doesn’t want to move in with his parents. He’s hinting at me to say come and live with us.

Candleabra · 16/08/2025 08:36

Don’t get involved. You shouldn’t have said anything about the HMO, I hope she has the opportunity to accept it now she turned it down on your advice (not sure how these things work).

BaaBaaStripySheep · 16/08/2025 08:34

Definitely not!

DidIdotheritething · 16/08/2025 08:34

Stop filling in forms etc “for her”.

let her sort it herself.

it’s not for you to decide that an hmo is unsafe for her. That’s not your decision to make.

Eviebeans · 16/08/2025 08:33

Absolutely not

are you under pressure to take him in?

snemrose · 16/08/2025 08:32

Man comes onto notoriously feminist website to slate ex and state ex was offered accommodation in a HMO but he deemed it unsafe for her, doesn’t want her staying with him (understandable) but has (not here at least) suggested any alternative and is also stating the council application is down to him to sort for her. In this scenario there are charities/council/gp etc who could help her with any application (how was the HMO offered to her? Was it private or via council?) and would be better than the ex doing it. Hmm.

FrenchBob · 16/08/2025 08:31

He's the father of her Children which is a huge factor. If the alternative is having them see their father sleeping rough, it's not straightforward.

Set some VERY clear ground rules, OP e.g he must do all housework/childcare and visibly work on his situation.

IkeaJesusChrist · 16/08/2025 08:30

Nope, she can sleep on a park bench.

everythingthelighttouches · 16/08/2025 08:29

This is a bad idea, but context matters.

Why did you get divorced?
Why do you have full custody?
How old are the children?
Why did she fall on hard times?

Primary concern all round should be what is best for the kids.
I have a suspicion, depending on some of the context, that it might not be in her interests either to move in with you.

MrBeanMustBeMyDad · 16/08/2025 08:28

I actually do have my ex sleeping in my kids play room.
He was a massive dick to me, but has been full of remorse and I think maybe the difference between your ex and mine is I realise that something isn't wired correctly with him. He seems to lack the ability to survive.
He's stopped here for short periods on and off but it's clear that his options become sleeping at work (building sites) or he sleeps in his car in laybys, or has the odd night in a hotel.
The council won't help him, he can't get a privately rented place, and hasn't had much luck renting rooms in HMOs- as he keeps losing his jobs and never has a financial buffer so he has to leave.

I'm just about to upgrade the sofa bed to something more comfortable, so he can be here comfortably but he HAS to work on improving his options, and he has to explore what the fuck is wrong with him and get help. He can use it as a stepping stone into proper adulthood, and he can give me a hand with the kids when he's here.

But he generally has no attitude. He's at the point where he recognises that he needs help, and that most of why he can't figure out much in the way of longer term accommodation is his own doing.

But your ex sounds like he wasn't a very nice person. I wouldn't want disharmony in my house.

How old are your kids?

TwistedWonder · 16/08/2025 08:26

Not in your circumstances no

If it was an ex I still had an amicable relationship with then yes I would short term but anyone who had treated me badly previously - no way.

ForWarmPeachBird · 16/08/2025 08:25

Nopey no nope.

snemrose · 16/08/2025 08:23

CanOfMangoTango · 16/08/2025 08:16

Even more no now i know your ex is female.

Safety issues mean that councils ensure they offer homeless women accommodation.

You are not the only option and don't let her tell you that you are. It's interesting that she's come to you and not other friends/ family. Either she knows you are a soft touch or she's burned her bridges with everyone else.

HMOs offered by the council won't be the nicest places, but it's a roof over her head and perhaps she can start to rebuild her life.

You rescuing her isn't a solution. She moves in you will never get her out.

The ex was offered accommodation - HMO but the OP says he didn’t feel it was safe. He hasn’t elaborated further than that.
I think he wants her to be literally homeless 🤷🏽‍♀️

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