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Original poster

Would you take your ex in, if the only other option was being homeless

383 replies

Donotpanicoknowpanic · 15/08/2025 23:31

If you have an ex that left you but they then fell on hard times and literally the only option was to sleep at yours or they sleep in their car (realistically this would be reasonably long term)

Would you let them sleep at yours until they are back on their feet

(The council were contacted and no realistic opinions were provided)

The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce

Though if nothing is expected of them (such as helping to tidy up), will be quite and enjoys spending time with the kids

OP posts:
FairKoala · 16/08/2025 04:52

If you house her then the council won’t. They will wash your hands of her and she will be stuck with you forever

It might sound like a kindness putting a roof over her head. But it isn’t. It would actually be doing her a disservice long term

Longnightmoon · 16/08/2025 04:50

yeah, I know a couple who did this, and 35 years later, she still can't get him out of the house

no

no

no

InMyOpenOnion · 16/08/2025 04:26

You are divorced for a reason. It's not your job to keep picking up the pieces. Absolutely no way.

Roosch · 16/08/2025 04:26

“The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce”
This is the important part. Someone like this is absolute trash. Don’t let her in your front door.

Consider her dead to you.

daisychain01 · 16/08/2025 04:25

NO, you'll never get rid of him.

Not your problem.

end of.

please don't let him emotionally blackmail you.

Gymnopedie · 16/08/2025 04:22

OP don't fall into the trap of seeing yourself as rescuer/knight in shining armour. You may want to be kind, but you'd be opening up a whole vat of worms.

Roosch · 16/08/2025 04:22

Donotpanicoknowpanic · 15/08/2025 23:57

Okay

What if I'm male and the ex is female?

(I was in two minds if I should point this out at the start)

Edited

Absolutely not.
Don’t let her stay even for a night. Not your problem anymore. Don’t help her otherwise she will think you are her solution.

Remember how she behaved in the past.

user1492757084 · 16/08/2025 03:54

No.

At most hand him an all weather swag and the phone numbers of assistance - charities, caravan parks, soup kitchens and council services. Maybe provide one hot shared meal with his kids each week - for benefit of the kids.

Sleeping in the car will heighten his own problem solving capacities.

Rainbowqueeen · 16/08/2025 03:51

No

The DC need to come first. There is clearly some instability and mental health issues at play if she won’t accept the HMO The DC do not need that in their home which should be their safe space.

I would help her fill out forms, arrange for her to see DC at soft play, the park or for lunch at a restaurant at my cost but that would be it.

Applefantea · 16/08/2025 03:40

I would if he'd been decent during the divorce. If your ex caused endless drama during and after the divorce, he will cause drama while living with you. I actually think you'll be putting yourself at physical, financial, emotional risk by taking an angry, bitter ex in.

Astrak · 16/08/2025 03:40

Definitely not. When someone shows you who they are - believe them.

Velmy · 16/08/2025 03:38

Testerical · 16/08/2025 01:07

No, of course not. Sex of person concerned is of no relevance. Does she have drug dependency or other vulnerabilities like mental health condition? She won’t end up on the streets if she doesn’t want to be on the street. She will get a hostel bed as others have said if she is genuinely homeless.

The sex reveal does change my view slightly. It's obviously a lot more dangerous for a woman to be out in her car/sleeping rough.

There's also the future to think about...how will the kids feel when they find out that their dad didn't help their mum when she was facing homelessness?

I don't think he should give her the run of the house indefinitely, but perhaps very short term until accommodation is sorted.

Divastrout · 16/08/2025 03:35

No way!!

PinkyFlamingo · 16/08/2025 03:30

Of course it's a no!

Forthisonde · 16/08/2025 03:20

The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce

Well, no then.

DelphiniumBlue · 16/08/2025 02:51

Why are there no other options? Is that actually the case , or is it that they’d prefer to stay at yours rather than sofa surf/ move in with friends or family/ rent a room? Have they burned all other bridges by being an arse? Are they not able to earn enough money to rent a room in a shared house, or get a job with accommodation? Why is it that staying at yours is the only option?

Theresealindseyillbetyou · 16/08/2025 02:48

The ex is a woman and the guy has full custody of the children.

Shatandfattered · 16/08/2025 02:45

Haven't RTFT but I'd say after a nasty divorce and him leaving you no doubt thinking he was the winner... He will end up where fate is meant to take him but the universe has already shown it's not with you 💕

TheGreatWesternShrew · 16/08/2025 02:42

No they can sleep in their car. They’re not my responsibility anymore and can sort themselves out.

He wouldn’t take you in, OP.

TheGreatWesternShrew · 16/08/2025 02:42

No they can sleep in their car. They’re not my responsibility anymore and can sort themselves out.

He wouldn’t take you in, OP.

SanFranBear · 16/08/2025 02:28

No!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 16/08/2025 02:21

No, you'll be back in the same situation minus the marriage.
No way.
If I was feeling guilty, I'd offer him an old duvet or a hot water bottle for his car.
He burnt his bridges. Let him enjoy the consequences.

Enko · 16/08/2025 02:19

I am in two minds over this.

I dont think I would want to see my childrens dad sleeping in his car.
Nor would I want someone abusive in my home.

numbfromlife · 16/08/2025 02:16

I would want to say yes but I'd say no. I'm not signing up to bring someone who is unkind and abusive into my home. It's my safe space. It might be unsettling for the children too. I would help them to make contact with agencies that can help them or point them in that direction.

showyourquality · 16/08/2025 02:11

No.
Absolutely not.