Would you take your ex in, if the only other option was being homeless

No 😂 the twat

On the fence as the divorce process does generally pit people against each other
so the fact he was a twat during the divorce wouldn’t be the main deciding factor

Definitely wouldn’t want it to be long term you need to be short term help not to long term solution

It’s a no from me.

id also be very clear around what help you’re making and if you’re getting involved with the forms / admin - you’re setting yourself up to be the backup option if unsuitable or not preferred/accepted alternatives are proposed as you’re getting too close to it.

does ex have no relative or friend you can inform or who might agree to share sorting some of this out with you?

I haven't seen you mention how old the DC are. It could be quite emotionally damaging for them having their mother leave, and then move back in, only to have her leave again in the future. You have to consider what would be best for them (or least damaging), however difficult the decision may be.

If she did move back in, why would you expect nothing of her? If she's staying rent free (my assumption to allow her to get back on her feet) why should she not do a little in the house to 'pay her way'?

What happens if, a year down the line she's not got back on her feet? Or she's in a better place and refuses to move out? Or moves out and then makes bad choices and is back to square one? I can see here you want to do the decent thing OP, but you seem to have this idealised scenario in your head that in six months all will be sorted and she'll be gone again. If that's not the case, think of the possible consequences and how things will affect you, and most importantly your children.

“I just feel sorry for her as she has made loads of bad decisions since leaving me and it's got so bad she can not even support herself anymore
I hope to be strict and make her turn her life around (ie get a job)”

What makes you think she will suddenly start making good decisions once she is back with you? The fact that you got custody of thr children doesn’t exactly count in her favour. And how are you going to be “strict” and make her get a job? If she’s so flaky she’s got to the point of having to sleep in her car, who will give her a job? And what sort of house do you live in, that’s so big it won’t impact on the kids if you give her a bedroom? I’m worried about the fact that you discouraged her from living in an HMO because you were “worried about her safety” - why? Why are you involving yourself so much in the life of an ex? She is an ex for a reason - or do you want the whole downward spiral to start again?

Absolutely not.

It's a resounding, big fat NO from me!

...and a SOFT TOUCH gets these vampires back in the door. For your own safety, do yourself a favour & TOUGHEN UP.

You're forgiven 🙏 😁

Sorry. I committed the sin of not reading past the first page.

Yes. He is still the father of your children.

No. Think of your children and put them first. Reads like she has a lot of problems which are ongoing. This will impact your family. No No No.

No fucking way.

No no no no no.
This is not your problem, don't get involved.

I’m confused because you say you never offered for her to stay but it also sounds like you told her not to get the HMO place which sounds like you are therefore presenting her with an alternative option. If she was going to take the HMO and then you say no don’t, I’m worried about your safety and she said ok well can I stay at yours then? Then I think you now have to say yes really because your intervention meant she didn’t take the HMO place. But otherwise and before it sounds like you got involve would have said no don’t let her stay, let her sort herself out.

Absolutely not

No.

Because this is not going to be good for your children. There must be a reason why you have full custody. And if she is so down and out now, I assume the reason is still valid.

I doubt the only options are car or your house. Your house is probably what she wants, so is pushing for this option.

If you took her in, how do you think it will go trying to get her to move out at some point.

You sound strangely overinvolved in her choices - worrying about her in an hmo and wanting to get her onto the straight and narrow if she stays. The option isnt sleeping in her car or staying with you, is it? - it's taking a room in an hmo as many other adults have to at different points in their lives, a solution that doesn't need to be permanent, depending on her choices from this point.

I would say the same whether you are male or female : don't let your ex stay, keep some space apart and don't get too involved in their life. You can still be kind - offering advice, help with paperwork, applications, store important items while they move, give a place to meet the children, but don't bleed yourself dry. However moving into you and the childrens space is a very different signal, would be hard to reverse and impact on your daily life/choices /breed resentment if there are disagreements and incompatibilities (which there must be, given the divorce)

Are you a rescuer type? Or were in a sort of parentification relationship with your ex? It doesn't sound healthy for either of you, and not something to repeat by living together again.

I would, and have, but my ex and I get on quite well and I know he would never see me on the streets. Even though we have been split 15yrs, I know he would drop everything if I needed help, so i’d obviously help him in return. Plus it would be difficult as our kids are young adults / teens now, and would he upset to know their dad was sleeping in a car. Everyone’s situation is different though, and you’d be well within your rights to say no.

No way

First ExH absofuckinlutely not. He didn’t care what happened to me and the kids when I left (he was abusive). I’d happily leave him rot on the street. Second ExH, definitely would help.

As soon as I read the first post I thought it couldn't be the only option, and reading further of course it wasn't. And you say she is really nasty but you're also happy for her to be around your kids???

Don't take the ex in, it would be toxic for the children and for both of you. Be honest with yourself about why both of you are considering it. Be a responsible parent.

I have family members who always get into these situations with dysfunctional on-and-off relationships. I would suggest therapy to find out the root cause of this behaviour.

Nope.
The ex’s hard times are ‘not your business’.
There are homeless charities they’ll need to turn to. You are not one of them.

No, not in a million years. You are putting her needs above your own. While it’s nice to be able to help people you shouldn’t do so to your own detriment when you you she is harmful and manipulative. If she moves in you will never get her out until she finds someone else to leech from.

Probably would, depending upon their relationship with dc, but I am a soft touch who needs to work on her boundaries.

however, if they did not contribute to the upkeep of the house and make some positive steps, or be anything other than an excellent role
model for the kids, I would note