Would you take your ex in, if the only other option was being homeless

No f'ing way

Come on listen to yourself. They will only behave decently in your home if she's not asked to do anything? Is she a big baby or something ? Sometimes in the real world people ask you to do things so grow the fuck up. Only if you're a glutton for punishment and enjoy inviting problems into your life and your kids lives.

I was prepared to join in with a general 'no'. But now you've given more detail, it's a more considered No, absolutely not. She needs to feel the weight of her poor decisions if she is ever to pull herself out op, you can't save her.

How old are the children? In any case, it sounds too hard for them to see a drama with their struggling mother and their father play out in front of their eyes in their safe space of their house. You have full custody for a reason I presume. It is not the right thing to expose them to all of this. The exit plan would be very difficult to make and very difficult to enforce, she is not going to suddenly spring into being self sufficient and grateful for a bed for a few nights, this would drag on and has the potential to get very messy.

I think whatever help you are willing to give - and I'd caution against becoming excessively involved - should be given from the sidelines. Filling out forms, looking things up, making some phonecalls etc. But otherwise you should protect yourself a bit as well as protecting the children. All the best.

My current partner if he became an ex? Probably yes because he’s very tidy and not abusive.

My ex? Absolutely not, he can rot (well, he is, but hypothetically). Letting an abuser into your home after managing to leave would be insane.

Nope No absolutely not

You can’t change her.

I’d offer no more than one night a week, but only if you have a spare room. Make it the same night every week. Eg a Wednesday or Thursday.

An hmo isn't always a bad option, if you want to help can you support her to claim UC and look for a private rental? Housing element would pay for it. If the rate she will get only covers a shared house put a lock on the bedroom door for her if she's concerned about safety.

I don't have an ex I have children with, but if DH and I divorced I'd struggle I think to tell DC he was homeless when we had a spare room, so I do understand your predicament.

Absolutely NO and why the fuck isn't she paying you CM????

LOL

There is a reason that you rather than the children's mother got full custody of the children. Either her tendency to make bad choices pre-date the divorce or there is some other reason that the court thought you were the more responsible parent.

Your primary obligation is to your children. They deserve a stable and peaceful home. If you invite your ex to stay it will feel like the family is being broken up again when she has to leave. Facilitate contact between the children and their mum but it would demonstrate really poor judgement for you to let her stay with you.

I thought it was interesting that you said you would be "strict" and make her get a job. She is an adult who can make her own choices and deal with the consequences. Were you as domineering in the marriage?

No.

You won't be able to get her out again.(Or is that what you secretly want). You are NOT her only option. You can't take control by being "strict" either - that doesn't sound good at all.
You aren't thinking straight here, if you want the best for the children.
There wiill be friction/violence/arguments, she makes bad decisions, and she could leave them again at any time.
How do you balance "being strict" with her only being OK if no demands are made if her?.
Wise up. Put your own needs and feelings, and hers, to the back of your head.
Your Children MUST come first - they need a calm, loving, safe, stable home.

No.

No.

Mines been an absolute shit to my kids (youngest two so he’d have to get on with it, reap what you sew and all that)

im on much better terms with older kids dad so yeah id help but he wouldnt be staying, only cook him dinners, wash clothes, shower etc

I don’t think I could see the father of my children homeless, literally only for my children’s sake as it would be so hard on them to see a parent in that situation, if something happened to them whilst homeless I’d be afraid the children wouldn’t understand or forgive it down the line. But easier said than done I know. I’d be trying to put in clear deadlines and boundaries

No. Hell would have to freeze over first. Take a moment and remember why he is your ex.

Possibly but it would have to be for a very fixed term and they would need to contribute financially.

She needs to take what she is offered by the council. If you house her she won’t be considered homeless and they won’t help her. Look up advice of websites such as Shelter, I think there have been previous threads on here.
She could visit the kids at yours if you are worried about them going to an HMO.

@Donotpanicoknowpanic Can I ask how she's 'fallen on hard times' to be now facing homelessness? This would likely determine my answer.

No.

he was physically abusive.

No. I'd laugh at their misfortune if they were as nasty as you say.

No especially if children are involved. She’s not your responsibility

For goodness sake
stop being an enabler/rescuer
She was offered an HMO. She had an option. How would your kids be impacted if their flaky mum tipped up in their house for months and then disappeared again? What a ridiculous idea.

Why did the marriage breakdown? If you cheated with her best friend and it sent her into a spin leading to the nasty behaviour that’s one thing. If you finished it because she was nasty that’s another. how nasty was she? Was it a pattern of abuse or temporary short lasting episodes with accountability?

How is she with the kids? Is she likely to lose her temper regularly?

Will the kids worry about her?

How will it impact their relationship with her? What’s their relationship like?

However, you absolutely have to protect your own wellbeing for the kids so if she has a negative impact on your wellbeing then it’s a definite no.

You have to protect your kids. What’s in their best interest? I’d be getting professional advice I think.

For goodness sake
stop being an enabler/rescuer
She was offered an HMO. She had an option. How would your kids be impacted if their flaky mum tipped up in their house for months and then disappeared again? What a ridiculous idea.