AIBU to think some women introduce new partners to kids WAY too soon?!

I don’t have kids so can’t really relate to all the concern / judgement, but serious question: how is a single mother supposed to date and find love if she’s restricted to when her kids aren’t with her? What’s wrong with introducing a new man as a friend initially? The idea you have to wait a whole year before having your new boyfriend over at your house is crazy to me. Not all single mothers get time off from their children, especially if the other parent isn’t in the picture.

The moving a bf in after a few months or after a couple of weeks is nuts, they could have an interest in children,anger issues, controlling behaviour, substance issues and so forth.

If memory serves me right wasn't there a recent case where the BF moved in and murdered a child?
And he moved in within day's?

I did a bit of online dating around a decade or so ago and went on dates with two different men who said that they'd had women turn up to a second date with their children.

I'm sympathetic to the lack of support but if you can't go on a second date without taking your children with you, you're not in a position to date.

YANBU and I’m also a single mum to 2 children.

One of my friends repeatedly has her flings over to the house in the evening when her kids are asleep. I wouldn’t do this either.

But I also don’t think that foisting a partner onto your kids and forcing a blended family is any better. Kids are unlikely to form bonds with men who are just short term flings so less likely to be damaging when they end. It’s more problematic if they are forced to live with a whole other family imo. But that’s also an unpopular opinion. 🤣

My previous neighbour did this repeatedly. She’d move them in after a couple of weeks, they’d cheat on her etc then eventually it would end and two weeks later another bloke would be living there. Mental.

My ex-h was introduced to his GF’s twins within a few weeks. They were around 12 and although I didn’t have kids then, I could not imagine letting some random man around my pre-teen girls. He moved in after a few months. They have other kids together now but I still can’t believe she was such an idiot.

I tried to talk to my ex about this but it made no difference. He used to introduce new partners after a couple of weeks and the conveyor belt of new women was always confusing to my DC’s.
In 12 years my DC’s have met 3 of my partners. One I liked, one I loved and one I thought was the love of my life. None worked out but the earliest I introduced them was 9 months. And that was the one I thought would last forever. They still ask about him which is heartbreaking. But at least it’s not a conveyor belt like their dad.

Yes, but no parent should do it, no wonder kids these days seem to have so many mental health issues

Because 99% of paedophiles are male

Yanbu. All 3 of the single mum I know have done this despite insisting they'd never do it. One had him sleeping over the day after she met him, another had the fella moved in after 2 weeks, the one who told her ex to wait a year before introducing his new partner because that's what she would do as a minimum did it after 6 weeks. They all had the same excuse when I said "I thought you was going to wait 6 months-1 year" which was "It isn't possible for me to have a relationship without involving the kids as we'd only see each other at weekends" Just to add plenty of men do this too but my personal experience is that it's more overlooked when mum does it and it shouldn't be it's equally wrong regardless of the parent that does it.

Yes, it is a huge thing, so many people seem not to see why it's a problem.

Dads also do it, I've known a few. I think it's less common mainly because there are more cases where the kids don't live as much with the father, so he can more easily confine his dating to times when there are no kids, and even if he introduces a gf, the kids won't see so much of her.

The other issue though is while it's not particularly emotionally good for the kids to have the dad's gfs around, they are far less likely to turn out to be sexual abusers.

Men do this too, why have you decided just to poke at women?

I’ve mentioned this before, but I got divorced in the USA, which included a compulsory course on parenting post-divorce. It advised that DC shouldn’t even meet a new partner until the relationship was a year old.
However, in the real world, I can see that this isn’t always possible. DB’s XP, who is a very sensible woman and lovely mother, has had two long-term relationships (she’s still in the second one) since DB left her. In both cases, their DC already knew the new partner, one was a neighbour, the other a family friend.

100% agree. I know a woman right now, who has 2 DC by 2 different men who she was with for just a few months. (They'd gone by the time the baby(s) were born.) The DC are 5 and 3 now, and she has had 10 different men since the first one was born, lasting between 4 weeks and 3 months. Currently with a bloke who she met in January this year, (and moved in, in April.) It's the longest 'relationship' she has ever had at 7 months, and she has told her 2 DC to call him 'daddy.' She is 34, he is 19. Weird as fuck. I feel sorry for the kids.😬

Someone i know was really concerned that her best mate had introduced her new man to her kids after only 5 months of dating, and had all the concerns that people normally warn about... only to happily meet her new boyfriend children after 3 months of dating not all that long later....

Is it only women you have an issue with doing this? Because in the 12 years since my relationship with my kids dad ended, he has lived with 3 different women and had at least 2 other girlfriends my kids have met.
I’ve introduced them to one partner after over a year of dating. We are still living apart after 5 years together because it’s what’s best for my children.

My toxic ex's new girlfriend introduced him to her daughter in 4 or 5 months maximum, i think it was way less, a matter of weeks. He went a period of no direct contact with our kids when he first started dating her because of his erratic behaviour, but she met our kids on the second 3hr time he had with them, which was a maximum of 5.5 months since they met. By 10months they were all a family, she's giving evidence for the family law court that myself and ex were involved in, which included him saying that the daughter prefers him to her biological dad (who she sees 50/50) in official court documents, including photos of him on the sofa cuddling/napping with her to show what an amazing step dad he is. My kids enjoy the daughters company but they don't see her a sibling as yet, but it is very much being sold to them that is their sister and they will all be living together soon. Only reason it hasn't happened is because mummy (me!) Is trying to make daddy homeless (he still lives in the jointly owned property). But I think girlfriend and daughter are pretty much living there with him already. My daughter rarely sleeps in her bed, as the step daughter says it is her bed...
I on the other hand am happily single and have no interest in jumping into another relationship.
I worry that some single parents introduce too soon and trust too soon. Often we have had our blinkers on in a relationship, and that relationship has deteriorated for a multitude of reasons- one being that maybe we ignored some things that actually we could look back at and say that played a part in why the relationship ended, and were always present but we were ignoring/minimising/too in love to see. So now, my DV ex makes me doubt that I can make a good choice, so I for sure wouldn't be introducing too soon to my kids. They don't need to suffer that crap again. So I don't know how some parents fo it over and over and over...

I think for some women a man, any man needs to be moved in. Just why? Think of your children!

Men are rarely the resident parent.

It's bad enough when men do it and some random woman is there when they visit EOW it's far more damaging to children when a random man moves into their home.

And, again, this thread is about women who do it. If you want a thread about men who do it, start one.

Completely agree - it’s nuts. Have seen a couple of friends who I though had pretty good judgement do it recently and it baffles me.

She’s not talking about men. She’s talking about women, that she knows. By all means start a thread about men doing it.

YANBU. I've seen dear friends do this and it is nuts. It definitely doesn't do the kids any good.

I have worked in probation, this kind of scenario really concerns me for the safety of the children.

So do some men.