Grandson living with me and I'm struggling

It's not unusual for 16-18 year olds to have these kind of sleep difficulties (usually caused by staying up all night on the Xbox but can also be physiological). There are several such in all my 6th form classes and if they pass exams they can continue. Obviously sleeping through public exams is an issue! Speaking as a parent of a younger child with ADHD, we have had to be incredibly strict with sleep hygiene with her and she has taken melatonin since age 7. Reversed sleep schedules can be fixed but it takes time and patience.

I really think you and DS need support from a social worker or family worker to get DGS into that 2 bed. "Ask him if he wants to stay" is hardly going to cut it.

Rules have slightly changed and are more enforced now, as practices and patients (often the children) are more aware of the regulations. His diagnosis sometimes may surpass this, but it would have to be for as short a time as possible and also very unique - despite your grandsons issue, the GP would still need his consent currently. Overall I think it's a good idea and I'm glad its being enforced more regularly, but every policy will have its drawbacks and in your situation OP, this is one.

I don't think you need a diagnosis for Mindjam but there is a cost.

I just think it's really odd to deem children competent to look after their own health at this age when they're still being babied through their education.

Especially with the assertive way you have to approach healthcare these days.

Well I think it depends, you can get the control at 13 (if a doctor deems you competent etc) which I did for many reasons and I managed chronic conditions and severe illness myself including appointments and letters and scans and extra research. Though at the time many of peers would have struggled to do so and still got their parents to call to book appointments for them. But I had my reasons, and I was and still am glad I did it. It took a bit for doctors to repeect me, but I was a good advocate and did lots of research etc and learnt myself. I do think 16 is a gold age to do it though, you're growing in independence and also you can consent to having your parents in the appointment (up to you, not them), so you develop skills of advocacy and dealing with issues yourself but can lean on extra support if you want.

That's useful to know, thank you.

That is rubbish though! I teach that age group and there is no way the majority of them are responsible enough for that kind of decision making.

Hell, I struggle to get my 58 year old DH to see the doctor!

This is standard for all GPs though, I wouldn't waste your time @AngelicAbout doing this as it's the policy. He's 17, no GP will share the information with a grandmother or even a parent (he gains control automatically at 16 over his medical information and records). If he signs a form, the GP and any GP will let OP have access, book appointments etc but he has to give the GP his consent first. Otherwise the receptionist is right, it's going to A&E, calling 111 and calling the LA and referring to SS.

Please just don’t accept that your son will move back in with you as a fait acompli if/ when he loses his job or is evicted. He needs to present to the council as homeless, they can find him and your grandson some temporary accommodation.
Why should you and your husband have your lives put out to this level?

Turn2us Grants Search https://share.google/0kCoRmXTA8q9ONBMS

Might be worth a look at this too.

Financial support and benefits for kinship carers - Kinship https://share.google/WAEloqghKb6qAVkdb

Innovative MindJam Mentoring & Counselling for Young People https://share.google/yIMcLAz7KEFnzv5y0

Managing money | Autism Central https://share.google/dP6Tt6nUDaAEBGJCn there is a free 6 week online course your son could do.

The GP's response sounds disappointing. It could be worth changing GP unless there are compelling reasons to stick with the current one. I changed GP about 12 years ago and my goodness the new one is better! I'm afraid I asked a friend who worked for the NHS which practice they got the fewest complaints about!

Have you had a look at the Mindjam website? They provide counselling and support to autistic young people online through gaming. They would definitely be able to discuss Switch streaming. There's a waiting list normally so get him on it?

I think you could also phone the National Autistic Society helpline and see if they can point you towards parenting courses for autustic adults, as a future solution has surely got to involve your son taking on more parenting, and he needs more skills to do that.

Please also call Shelter and get advice on the eviction, as it is really not straightforward for landlords to evict clued-up tenants (I'm a landlord).

16 is a difficult age with consent issues. You may need to write to the GP Practice Manager, explain the long back history, and hope they can work together with you. Even if it's them inviting your grandson to reigster. He may not been keen, but if grandson thinks there's a possibility he may be able to access any benefits - .e.g. PIP, he'll need medical evidence and recent appointment.... throw him down some breadcrumbs that may motivate engagement.

it's good Grandson was at least talking to you about his plans. I think you did the right thing with just listening. But also you could consider asking questions like "How do you get people to follow you on Twitch" "how does the payment stuff work?" "are there courses at colleges that would help with that?) and breadcrumb again the way towards not ruling out college, if only to increase his followers count.

For your son, it sounds like you're often the shock-absorber for him when things are tough. You are better placed to know what his mental health is like, but you're already covering a huge load of his, by supporting your grandson. If your son needs more support, it's ok to tell him to see his GP for more medication or therapy, as you're struggling to hold everything together as it is.

Yes agree with all of this - contact SS and see about @AngelicAbout have a meeting with his social worker and explaining everything that happening and see about changing his support and referring him to new services etc. Also inquire about the process (only if you want to) about becoming his legal guardian even temporarily or also about getting the money for your grandson.

''My son does love him, it was just a shock when he was placed with him full time as it was sudden and prior to this he saw him most weekends but that's different to full time care.''

But OP, your son has conveniently absolved that full time care on to you, and is living elsewhere.
He's also giving money directly to your grandson and not to you?

Your son is massively at fault here, and needs to step up, whether he finds it difficult or not.
Failing that, Social Services should be involved.

NHS information and healthcare records immediately at 16 go under your child's control, (this can happen earlier if a child asks and is deemed competent, I did it) but at 16 and over, you can sign a form giving your parents access to book appointments for you, access your medical records and get all the information from any healthcare professional who talks to you (normally they only give bare minimum, for someone who has control, unless patient gives permission that it's fine). So you can get him to sign the form, giving you all access (ask GP reception for this, maybe don't tell him what it is, as he may reject the help - not amazing for trust but he needs the help).

However you can still go into appointments with him, with or without having the forms done (many people bring someone with them for support). I think getting access to his medical records, being able to have full and unrestricted conversations with his doctors etc is better for now - so I'd get a sign the forms so you can organise any referrals, talk to doctors if he doesn't etc.

Also ask the GP for a home appointment (because you think he won't come, may threaten suicide and get dangerous to himself and/or you) - hopefully the GP can do a home appointment so ask for this first. If not then you go regardless of whether he goes with you or not - write down a long and detailed list of everything, all the history in his life and all the issues and behaviours. Look through any of your posts if you forget, do it on your phone I'd suggest on the ntows app and then make sure you go through everything on the list and show the whole list to the GP. Also ask if possible for a double appointment so 20 minutes so you have more time to properly go through it all with the GP and maybe also ask for one with an interest in mental health.

I'm hoping that OP will bring that up to the doctors/GP and they can get him help on the drugs, slowly going off them and likely if he has access to drug cessation services that will include therapy and at some point they will discuss using medication and have an assesment with, hopefully a psychiatrist or the GP. @ArseInTheCoOpWindow They are encouraged to try and not prescribe as quickly with under 18yo as they do with adults. However, they can and still do with under 18yo for more severe cases and also down to GP's and their surgeries discretion/policies on the threshold. So an adult at a low threshold is more likely to get them than an under 18yo at the same threshold. That's all, in OP's case I think most GP's (depending on their opinion and their surgeries policy) would prescribe him antidepressants even if it's on a temporary basis.

I was mainly addressing the OP's question over whether it would have to be CAHMS psychiatrist which prescribed anti depressants or can a GP do it as well - to which I'm saying a GP can. @AngelicAbout Ask the GP about a referral to adolescent/under 19 yo Drug and Alcohol Services as they have many different resources under one (support workers, links to housing as drugs can often impact that, therapy, dieticians, psychiatrists etc), so can be a great starting point of help.

Goodness me

you are a saint - I’d be dropping this one off at the homeless section of the local council

it’s not your problem and you can’t fix him