Was my DH being mean to DS or am I soft?

Male troll alert! 😦

I wondered if the DH is also autistic. He was very rigid about this and didn’t adapt his “challenge” based on what was actually happening and the DS’s efforts.

Ugh. What a dickhead.

100% correct not to give the £5 but wrong to let it go on for 45 minutes

Your husband is a prick and so are you for standing by and letting this happen.

I agree with you OP. I do think teaching children to be resilient is important, but fgs it needs to be age appropriate. He's only 5!

And he showed incredible resilience in trying for so long. Point out to your DP that the resilience is in trying, not succeeding.

For the love of God.

Same user referred to periods as 'ladies days' on an earlier thread.

Scary that they walk amongst us.

While I agree that kids need to learn resilience - that's exactly what your son showed, by trying and trying for 45 minutes. I think that degree of effort should be rewarded - rather than him ultimately feeling he has failed. (From the sounds of it the task was pretty impossible, and he kish couldn't have done it however hard he had tried).

We want our kids to learn to work hard at things and not give up - that's exactly what the little boy did!

Personally I would have given him the £5 as a reward for his efforts. (If I had been daft enough to offer it in the first place). I would have explained it was a reward for trying hard and keeping going.

And in future, maybe suggest to your husband to only set challenges for your son that he CAN meet if he focuses and tries hard. (I accept he doesn't have a crystal ball, and maybe didn't realise how hard it would be).

He's a nasty bully.
That's what he is teaching your poor son.
Bullys his son, shuts you down.

He's a nasty piece of work.
Shit husband, shit father.
I suggest you think about the childhood you want for your son.
Life is hard enough for him.

Has your 'd'h always been such a dick, OP?

What utter dimwitted sexist bullshit. What century are you living in?! Oh and it's dads. No apostrophe.

He’s not got mummy issues, he’s 5. You however have a husband issue. I couldn’t be with someone like this and I say that as a parent to an autistic child.

Did you miss the part where the ds can usually do the monkey bars no problem and literally told his dad that?

It wasn't an unachievable challenge at all and he almost definitely would be able to do them next time when he wasn't sweaty and covered in sun cream. It's not like the dad was challenging him to abseil down a cliff ffs.

Dad wasn't unreasonable to believe his dc could do something he a) told him he could and b) knows he has done multiple times before. Putting money on it was a bit silly but hardly terrible parenting.

He and OP were both at fault for letting it carry on for so ridiculously long rather than distracting him when he couldn't do them this time. There were lots of ways they could have compromised, easiest would have been "don't worry we will try the monkey bars again on the weekend when it's not as hot, but tell you what, double or nothing, if you can race me to the end of the field (or other achievable fun activity) I'll give you the fiver and we can have an icecream!"

And this is why your DS is probably much closer to you than his dad. You’re his safe place, and his dad makes him upset. I truly wonder why some men can’t protect their children like mums can.

He's 5 and ND.

Your husband is a bully.

i absolutely agree! What is he a drill sergeant ? That almost sounds like something out of Squid Games.

"hes got to learn to handle disappointment. He didn't do it today. He'll do it another day"

He's learnt that his Dad thinks its OK to set up an unachievable challenge and make him feel really bad about it.

The crap about he'll do it another day.. is that smug horrible man promising he's going to keep putting his poor boy through these pointless challenges.

Same.

Obviously it was a silly thing to offer in the first place. But I actually agree with him that once the bet had been made then giving him the fiver for not doing it would be completely pointless.

Tbh letting him try to do it for 45 mins was completely ridiculous, no wonder he got worked up. I would have said after a few attempts- you're too sweaty today, we will come back and have another go when it's cooler. You could have met him halfway by saying "you had a really good go so lets get an icecream (or whatever) now and we will try again tomorrow." Or cheered him up by you and dh trying and failing to do them too. Or cheated by holding him up while he moves his arms. Or did another bet instead, something he could win.

Fuck me it gets worse....poor kid is ND!

There was a little railroad train with loads and loads of toys
All starting out to find a home with little girls and boys

And as that little railroad train began to chug along
The little engine up in front was heard to sing this song

Choo choo, choo choo, choo choo, choo choo, I feel so good today
Oh, clear the track, oh clickety clack, I'll go my merry way

The little train went roaring on, so fast, it seemed to fly
Until it reached a mountain rising almost to the sky

The little engine moaned and groaned and huffed and puffed away
But halfway to the top it just gave up and seemed to say

I can't go on, I can't go on, I'm weary as can be
I can't go on, I can't go on, this job is not for me

The toys got out to push but all in vain alas, alack
And then a great big engine came a whistling down the track

They asked if it would kindly pull them up the mountain side
But with a high and mighty sneer it scornfully replied

Don't bother me, don't bother me to pull the likes of you
Don't bother me, don't bother me, I've better things to do

The toys all started crying 'cause that engine was so mean
And then there came another one, the smallest ever seen

But though it seemed that she could hardly pull herself along
She hitched on to the train and as she pulled she sang this song

I think I can, I think I can, I think I have a plan
And I can do 'most anything if I only think I can

Then up that great big mountain with the cars all full of toys
And soon they reached the waiting arms of happy girls and boy

And though that ends the story it will do you lots of good
To take a lesson from the little engine that could

Just think you can, just think you can, just have that understood
And very soon you'll start to say, I always knew I could

I knew I could, I knew I could, I knew I could I knew I could, I knew I could, I knew I could, I knew I could

Whaaat did I just read???! Wtf are ”the ways of men”? How to be a bullying wanker? Thank God my dh never thought our ds needed to learn that!

What are "the ways of men"??? To be controlling, abusive arseholes?