Mum demanding payments each month

Hi op this situation sounds horrible my dc are about your age and I could not ever take that type of money from them especially if it’s leaving you short every month. I would suggest 50 and you want the money itemised because you haven’t borrowed that much money and like others said she will have received money to care for you when she wasn’t. she sounds like the worst mum ever. I know your 20 but I’m not surprised you don’t feel like the adult you have been struggling far too early in life do you have any other people who can help when your struggling financially. The fact she has so much money she’s still abusing you because she knows you haven’t got that type of money and she is deliberately putting pressure on you. Omg if your were my dc I would do anything to keep you home and safe without all the pressure of life on your young shoulders.

FFS. Stop paying her. You’ve paid her back many many times over already. You owe her nothing. She’s an abusive selfish vile cow. She should be giving you money back.

OP she is financially abusing you!

Please do not give her another penny!

Can you access any counselling? Either via work or via the nhs? Please try. This is not a normal situation, but you can't seem to see that, never mind how extreme it is.

Don't reduce the amount. STOP the amount.

Could we convince you to chat to women's aid perhaps? You are being subjected to financial abuse, coercion and emotional abuse.

You do not owe her any more money!

If you continue to pay this loan shark you will never be free.

Seriously you are in thrall to a nasty narcissist. You need therapy. But first you need to cut your family off. Completely.
On some level, you know you have to, you are just beaten down. This is horribly sad. But you can leave.

No I think it’s reasonable to say you owe her nothing do not placate her with £100 per month you’ve paid back it’s done!

There's a book called Toxic Parents by Susan Forward you might find helpful, there's a free pdf of it online.

Oh OP please don't. You absolutely don't owe your mum anything. Having children is a privilege and parents are meant to provide for and support their children, not the other way round. I'm so sorry to say she is massively taking advantage of you and may even be abusing you. Please protect yourself and find a way to move forward on your own. You've done brilliantly so far, keep going. Sending massive hugs 🫂

You owe her nothing. She owed you a happy childhood where you felt safe and loved.

She does owe. She chose to have you and took such poor care of you that social services removed you. This has put you in a financially vulnerable situation, for which she is directly responsible. You don't owe her a cent. The fact that she has been taking hundreds a month off of you, keeping you financially dependent on her, is abhorrent. That is your money and you would be well within your rights to ask for it back, but I can understand you would not want to do that. She probably owes you thousands by now, which you desperately need.

What your mom has done to you and what she is still doing is financial abuse. She is trying to punish you for her own bad parenting. She is trying to prevent you from walking away from her, which you would likely be more inclined to do if you thought you owed her nothing, which you don't.

I am sorry to say, but your mother is a thief.

At 17 I was in a YOI, and then prison in my early twenties. I had a similar upbringing to you. I remember one day listening to the moronic conversations around me, and deciding that when I got out, I was going to just take the reigns on life. I decided never to blame my upbringing, or use it as an excuse, but also to not feel any responsibility or shame towards my parents or my past. I'm 54 now, I have a great career and family, and both my parents died a few years ago. There was no genuine way to reconcile with them. They were just insane, and continued to create drama and madness in my absence. You only owe yourself. Find better role models, and carve out your own path.

That would absolutely not be okay because you are being financially abused and should not be paying anything. Please get some professional therapy. You’ve done amazingly well to get as far as you have, but the fact that you are still feeling tied to a mother who abused you and continues to abuse you shows that you are still struggling to break free. Everyone on this thread can see clearly that you shouldn’t be paying the money. Even if you did actually owe it, which you don’t, the rate of repayment is completely unreasonable. No one can tell you want to do, you need to find your own way forward. But I would very much urge you to consider, why would your mum want to take half your income from you and leave you with not enough to live on when she definitely doesn’t need the money? You’re still young and I have every faith you will eventually break free, but right now you are very much still in your mother’s control even though you don’t live with her.

Poor you. The world feels terrifying without a ‘safety net’ which family should always provide. The psychological power of family is very strong. And when our family is not a safe space, life is immeasurably more terrifying. It took me 20 years after leaving my abusive family to truly extricate myself from them. Refusing financial ‘help’, no matter how tempting was a vital part of this. I don’t have any easy answers for you. There is some great advice on this thread for that. I hope that in time you will feel strong enough in the world so that you can set good boundaries with your mum and the other family and speak your truth with them. A book you might find inspiring is ‘Educated’ by Tara Westover. Another wise woman’s words might help too ‘I’m a real tough kid, I can handle my shit, they said you’ve gotta fake it till you make it so I did’ :) Your mum is mean! She needs you far more than you need her.

No. I think it would be reasonable to tell your mum that you have had some advice and you have realised that all your debt has been paid a long time ago. Then for your own sanity stay away from her.
Are you able to talk to anyone in real life about it? A sympathetic friend might give you the boost to help you see that your mum isn't a good person and shouldn't be taking advantage of you like this.
I'm sorry for your situation. Best of luck with everything.

Oh my god! Please don’t pay her any more money. She is an awful mother. One day you’ll have kids of your own and look back in horror at this. Tell her you’ve figured out the bill of what she should have covered until you were 18 and actually , it’s the other way around, she owes you £2 grand

Don’t pay her one penny more. She doesn’t need the money and I think she’s bullying you. No caring mother would do what she’s doing. I’ve given money to my daughter when she’s needed it, not expecting to get it back. That’s what normal parents do. You need to stand up to her. Once she knows you won’t be bullied she’ll stop. Can you boyfriend or other friends help you confront her

I think for your own self respect you shouldn't pay her another penny until she provides a detailed schedule of all the money she "lent" you and the can compare it to the money you have paid her back. My guess is it doesn't exist and that you have probably already paid her more than she lent you. Even if not, you were (and kind of are) a child trying to survive and literally buy food - your parents should be helping you not charging you for that.

Please just take some time apart from her and your dad. Don’t pay a penny. If it’s mentioned, take advice from other posters and message that you can’t afford it and mention how much you’ve paid in total and that you can’t pay anymore. I can bet anything you’ve OVERPAID a while ago what you owed!
Go to your GP and ask for counselling, you really need to speak to someone professional and understand that you really deserve more.
Please take all advice seriously! Don’t give in and keep paying to keep them happy. If they mouth off to family members, surely they know you were REMOVED and fended for yourself.
You are worth so much more than you’ve received. I’m sure plenty of people on here have experience of manipulating parents, as do I. You’re an adult now and you don’t need them! You’re self sufficient and the balls in their court if they want to respect you. Until then, respect yourself and seek help ❤️

The 'loan' is NOT ENFORCEABLE. OP doesn't need debt advice. She isn't in any debt. Stop telling her to approach debt charities. There is no enforceable contract here.

She absolutely does need help with the emotional bit - sounds like abusive behaviour.

I agree, op you have been failed on so many levels. Tell your mum it stops now! Day 1 of your new life begins today, wishing you so much luck and happiness💐💐🥰

OP you are in a domestically abuse relationship with your Mum and she is financially and emotionally abusing you. Please contact your local domestic abuse charity, they will help you. These services are not just for partner relationships

No. I think that unless and until she provides you with a written account of what she says you owe her, with dates so you can ascertain what is actually remaining then you should pay her nothing more. It sounds to me like you have more than paid her back long ago and she is using this to control and financially abuse you. Parents shouldn't treat their children like this

Your mother is an appalling woman @Lifeisinshambles. I am so sorry to read how shockingly badly you have been treated.
You owe her nothing, nothing at all. Cut her off and don't look back. I really hope you have access to some counselling and support.

Ask her for the credit and debit accounts showing how much you borrowed and how much you paid back, when she obviously can't provide them because she's scamming you, then stop paying. What sort of decent caring parent would behave like this really🤔🤔

This is cruel behaviour from a mother to a daughter..she is supposed to be supporting you into the adult world and £10 or £20 here and there when you are a teenager isn't a big deal. I feel like a loving mother would wipe the "debt" and help you to budget going forward, especially, seeing as she has come into money recently.