Mum demanding payments each month

OP this is insane. You cannot have racked up the sort of debt that needs paying off in hundreds every month by borrowing £2 and £3 here and there. Stop now. Add up what you have already paid. You will surely see that you aren’t in debt any more.

💯 I can’t believe people seriously believe OP needs to repay money her parent paid to keep her alive aged 17.

Nothing to add that hasn't already been said but don't let her drag you back in like this. You've done amazingly and should be proud if yourself xx

OP, I have an abusive mum too and I've put up with her rubbish for years, it breaks you but she's your mum and you love her and want her approval and pride. I'm a mum myself now and I will not let her treat my children that way. I have firm boundaries and I'm much better off for it. I know it's hard but please read all of the comments. Do not pay another penny, regardless of what you "borrowed" it's done. Put yourself first and move on with your life. Get some counselling, break this toxic cycle. If she cuts contact, you will be better off, believe me! Please, no more and get some help for your mental health.

Your mother is financially abusing you.
You need to be strong here and tell her that you have paid much more back than you ever borrowed and you won't be sending her any more money.

Absolutely this. Don't give her another penny OP. ❤

To all the people suggesting you pay back the money need to get their head checked. You were a minor and just trying to survive. Your mother should hang her head in shame. Do not pay her a penny back. I’m sorry you were dealt a rough hand with family members but you’ll survive and be stronger for it. I went no contact with my mum when she booted me out at 17 although not as severe as your situation and I’m thriving. Good luck and keep your hard earned cash for yourself, she’s a leech!

If you borrow money you should pay it back, not sure if there's a good reason you only work minimal hours

Was your mother still getting child support? If so, unless she gave ir straight to you, that's up up to £20 a week you don't need to repay.

I'm so sorry you've been through this. 17 is so young to have left home in what sounds like very hard circumstances. You need to put yourself first. Lay down the law with your mum and tell her you cannot repay more than £50 a month and it's that or nothing - even if it means cutting ties.(Personally, I would do the latter and be shot of her. She doesn't sound like a loving mother figure to me.) Good luck.

Oh, and GOOD LUCK, @Lifeisinshambles. It looks like you've got the entirety of Mumsnet rooting for you! Many PPs have given excellent advice, which I hope you'll be following up.
You've got away. You're still very young. Take up the advice given by MNers. Cut contact with your abusive DM. Make yourself a new life.

Your mother is loan sharking her own daughter, she is despicable. Don't give her another penny, ask for the amount, apologise or justify! Just cut her out. Your life will be better, love. You're already doing so well.

She's a complete horror and a disgrace.
I think you should reach out to the police.
She is extracting money from you.
She was likely receiving child benefit.

She will never be a decent person.
Time to cut contact.
Well done for all you have achieved.
You poor pet.

You are being financially abused, dont give her any more money, shes playing on the fact you dont know how much you owe, making you doubt yourself which is making you feel anxious, this is going to go on forever if you dont stop it now. I wouldnt put anything in writing, cut her off, sadly shes toxic and very greedy. Go dark on everything. You're being pulled down by the heavy weight she is burdening you with,

Can you ask her for a copy of her records? ie what she gave you and on which date and what you have repaid etc. if she doesn’t have this, then she’s making the numbers up.

Oh and @mummytrexis right - your mum will probably make up amounts. Get your bank account up and look when she made payments into your account.

Just another one saying don’t give her anything. Just say no. Send her a message “I’ve gone through my finances and I believe I’ve paid you back what I borrowed and so I won’t be sending you any more money. “ if she says you still owe her, say you need break downs of full amounts borrowed and dates and you’ll compare that to what you’ve already paid her.

Op you don't need to apologise to us. We're all disgusted she has put you in this position and is treating you like this.

Be warned that when you ask her for a breakdown she will likely make up many payments so if you still want to pay her (again, you don't owe her anything. She has let you down badly over the years) don't just accept what she says. Push back.

I am so sorry that you have had such awful parents. You sound an amazing person and should be so proud of what you have achieved. I am sitting here on holiday with my 17 year old DD and cannot begin to understand how terribly awful your mum is. You owe her nothing and from what people have worked out , have totally paid her back more than she ever gave you- not that this should have ever happened in the first place.
Be really proud of what you have managed to achieve and move on. Don’t give her a penny more and if you can, please think about some kind of therapy to help you process all of this.

I know you are afraid of rocking the boat or losing contact with your mother if you stop paying, but I think she will actually respect you more and the relationship will improve if you draw strong boundaries and show her you will no longer be exploited by her. Stop paying, send her one of the messages the other posters have suggested - no emotion, just factual and legal - and stop contact for a while. It will ber so much better all round. Good luck - you have been amazingly strong and brave through all your difficult experiences x

You moved out 3 years ago. So if you borrowed £50 a month for a year, you'd owe £600. (50 x 12) from each year. If it was £100 a month, then £1,200. Suppose you did that for two years, so £2,400. If you've been repaying it at £200 a month for the last year, then that's £2,400 paid off (I'm assuming she's not charging her own child interest!). Just work through some figures and figure out if you actually could "owe" anything (spoiler: you won't).

Financially you owe zero.
Legally, you owe zero.
Morally, you definitely owe zero! You borrowed some money from her when you were 17 and left home!! Most parents would call it a gift if they could, and definitely wouldn't keep score.

Tell her the amount you think you borrowed, and what you've already paid off (work it out from bank statements). Then tell her you're not paying her any more.

She bad mouths you? Fine, just tell people the figures and let them decide!

A couple of questions! How long have you been borrowing bits of money? Would it be 2 or 3 years? Have you asked her in person or via text and do you have a record of the texts? How long have you been making payments?

Given the fact she’s been abusive, this honestly just sounds like another form of control. If you want to feel like you’ve ’paid your debt’ then do an honest appraisal of how much you think you owe her. Did you ask for help once a month, twice a month over 2 or 3 years and what was the average amount she gave you? Add it all up and be absolutely firm with her (put it in writing) and say, ‘I believe I have borrowed X amount and have committed to paying this back. So far I’ve paid X and my last payment to you will be on XYZ’.

If you need to, show the letter to family to demonstrate what you’ve done. If you don’t put an end to this, it could reasonably go on for many years and she will continue to exercise control over you. The best thing you can do is take control back.

I know it’s hard but I think you can do it! Is there anyone in your family you can talk to confidentially who can help you stand up to her?

Do not pay this pathetic excuse of a mum one more penny.
Children don’t owe their parents anything. You never asked to be born.
OTOH parents do owe their children love, stability and care.
My dd is 36. I still gift her a nice bottle of wine, buy nappies for my gs, slip her money to treat herself. That’s what parents/mums do.
Go NC for your own sanity.

I am on a debt management plan with stepchange and they don't consider debts to relatives as real debt.

Legally you can be in debt to relatives where there is proof of borrowing ie. A paper trail of "can I borrow" "I will lend you x and I want repayment back of Y per month" but they would have to go through small claims court if you can't make these repayments or they feel you have cut them short. It would be up to the courts to decide if the money was a loan or a gift in these circumstances.

However, like in the case of my relative who was in the borrowing position from another relative who was meticulous about keeping notes in their petty little notebook, even for things like "Alex had no milk, asked to borrow some, took 4 pints through £1.20 + £3 fuel for delivering" , the case can be thrown out if there was no indication that this was borrowed and agreed to by both parties or lent money with a set repayment because money giving is often seen as being a gift in the UK.

This is why it is important that OP can count up what she owes where it was specifically indicated that the money is borrowed and there is a paper trail of this, because she may have overpaid in which case she can stop, or there may still be money owed if she isn't aware of how much she has actually borrowed.

I have a relative who often borrows money off me, although I never give money I'm not scared of never seeing again because money is tight for everyone. That relative would also say they only borrow £10 here and there but it can add up to hundreds per month. He doesn't keep track, but unlike OPs mother, I don't really care as long as everyone's basic needs can be met.

The OPs mother changing the terms of the borrowing ie. From £150 to £400 would be seen as a change in terms, and so it's important the OP understands how much she actually owes and has this information for her own sake and her own empowerment, because as we all agree, she's probably paid it back already and then some too.