Mum demanding payments each month

She's trying to keep you in her life by making you think you owe her. Increasing her demands for money punishes you by putting you under financial stress, and she enjoys that. She thinks you deserve it after what you 'did' to her. Keeping you poor also keeps you in a position where your self esteem is low and you have to keep crawling back to her, cap in hand, to ask for help. Again, she gets off on this.

You've tried, OP. But deep down I think you know what you have to do. Cut all contact with her, and never ask for a penny again. I know it's hard. But sometimes it's better to be out on your own, than to be twisting on the end of someone else's rope. Get out of there.

Good luck.

She's emotionally and financially abusing you. You don't need that in your life. You have more than paid her back. There is help if your struggling to get food. Food banks community food shares etc. Don't be getting yourself into debt. Cutting narcissists out of your life is much better for your mental health than having them in it.

You do not owe your mother money. She owes you a childhood. She was supposed to parent you. You were her responsibility. She failed. Not you. Please know you’ve done well in getting away. Now believe me when I tell you she is toxic. She will be badmouthing you regardless. Walk away. Give her nothing more. I really hope for the very best for your future. You don’t need her or any family that believe her crap.

If ever it was justified calling someone a bitch this is it. Horrible excuse for a mother.

OP you are not listening.

You should not pay her ANYTHING. I am sure you have more than covered what you were given.

You need to find that strength you had at 17 again - and tell her she is not getting another penny!

Your mum sounds absolutely horrible. It would be a relief to me to have her cut contact. I am the mother of a twenty year old and can’t imagine keeping account of every pound I’ve given them nevermind making such demands out of thin air on your already strained finances. She doesn’t deserve you as a daughter. Don’t pay her anything more the cheeky cow!

Don’t be rude. She’s a vulnerable young adult . Be kind

No it’s not OK! Because you don’t owe this woman anything. Nothing at all. Not £100 a month, or £200
a month, or £400 a month.

Sorry to be so blunt, but do you think that a mother who loved her child and wanted the best for her, to help her grow & see her succeed in her future, would be doing this?
Any decent parent wants the best for their kids. They want to set them up for a happy life and a successful future. She is doing the exact opposite. She’s trying to keep you down.

You sound like you’ve done amazingly well with a really difficult start in life. I’m so sorry you don’t have parents who are supportive and have nurtured you as they should have. I would really really recommend you speak to your GP and ask for some counselling, to help process the last few years. You sound like your self esteem has been absolutely shattered & have a lot of guilt associated with your mum/parents. From what I can see in your post you have done exceptionally well to be where you are. This is another fresh start… you don’t need to continue to move forward like this. Your family are holding you back. Keep your money, plan for YOUR future, step forward now with confidence. You will be just fine without “support” like this from your so called family.

No, don't give her anything. If she starts on about it, tell her she has collected more than you borrowed and you are done. (Seeing she did say she wouldn't charge interest)
She'll either bad mouth you or leave you alone.
If she badmouths you, just tell anyone who repeats anything she says, that she was a bloody awful mother and child services removed you, and she's trying to fleece you for what she can.

I wouldn’t bother asking her for a breakdown of what you owe….just tell her to piss off.

With a mother like that, who needs an enemy. Some people shouldn’t be parents.

Just another couple of thoughts.

Have you had your child trust fund?

If you were in supported accommodation, you will likely have care leavers support available so Google for your area and call the council. My area offers a housing grant of £2k, free council tax, £2k a year bursary for studies, half price leisure centre membership, support with financial planning/ accessing trust fund etc and more. Definitely check if you are eligible. It usually lasts til you are 25 I think.

OP if you had borrowed £20 each week for the total 4 years then you would have borrowed £4000 ish . But you say you’ve been paying her back for years so I think it’s highly unlikely you owe her that much and certainly not enough to justify £400 a month as a repayment.

It sounds like you are being abused and need some help to move away from her influence and control.

If she thinks you owe her all this money then ask to see her record of all these payments ? I bet she’s not got one .

Fucking hell I am so angry at her on your behalf. Your mother is supposed to be the one person you can always count on and always treats you with love and kindness and be a safe space for you, always. What a bitch.

To pay her back you need to know exactly what it is you're aiming towards paying back.

Otherwise it doesn't matter whether it's £100 or £1000 a month, if she's the only one with an arbitrary figure in her head then she can move the goalposts whenever she wants.

She's saying jump and you say how high?

Go through it yourself, look at what she's transferred, check your texts, see what you actually concretely owe and have already paid back. Knowledge is power and you need to reclaim some of it asap.

Your posts have broken my heart OP. I can’t believe you’re being treated this way. It’s absolutely disgusting.

FWIW, my parents didn’t give a fuck about me and I moved out at 17 (not to uni or anything) but they never sunk this low. Sure I got told they had no room for me when I was trying to escape an abusive relationship at the age of 19 and earning min wage but I’m kind of glad looking back as I am extremely independent. I have my on son now, he’s still a child but I would never see him struggle like this and she’s causing your struggles!

Please do not pay her another penny, she is profiting from you. Nasty, odious woman.

I think you should cut ties immediately, she is abusive.

Then spend the money on some counselling to help you xxx

Dont pay her a penny more. She is controlling you. She has turned in to a loan shark.

Just. Stop. Paying.

Try to work out from bank statements some dates and amounts. Do you have a family WhatsApp group? I would stop paying, wait for the rumours to start then send a very polite factual message to all stating you were removed by social services (they may not know) and quote the amounts and how much your mum is demanding. You do not need to justify anything else. Give them the facts then let them stew on it. You’re barely into adulthood and don’t need this. I feel sad for you x

This

I could cry reading your post, you sound like a lovely young lady. What your mum is doing is wrong, mothers don’t do that to their children and my guessing is that your mum is taking this money from you and justifying it to herself as compensation for the social services involvement (which is not your fault at all) If you have been paying her back £200 a month for years then my guessing is that is exactly what she is doing as you only borrowing money for bread milk food and essentials dosent equate to thousands of pounds and so if anything she now owes you money, you need to find your strength and your voice and tell her to fuck right off, she may of give birth to you but you don’t owe her anything, please don’t give her another penny and if she keeps on tell her you will call the police for financial abuse. Sending love darling, you deserve better than that. Xx

Give me her phone number... I'd love to give her a piece of my mind.

Don't pay her another penny ever, as lots of other posters have said you've more than repaid your "debt" and now she is abusing you financially.

Do you have anyone you trust? Maybe a work colleague as it might be helpful to have a talk with someone a bit more distant than boyfriend etc? Have a chat about your background and explain the circumstances around why you left, talk about the pressure your mother is putting on you and her threats.

If she cuts you off then so be it, but you deserve so much more than her, Be strong, claim your life and live it to the full x

Dont pay her another penny!!

OP, I wonder if the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to stop trying to resolve a situation that will never, ever, stop.
The only way to extinguish a fire is to deprive it of oxygen.Never discuss money with her, ever again.
As long as she pressurises you to talk about money she will manipulate you into feeling guilty and she will continue to bleed you dry.
Remind yourself every time she starts on you that you owe her nothing.Then end the call.
Do that, and it will start to get easier.Repeat.
One day you will be able to say it to her, and her influence will be broken and you will be free.

I’m usually all for keeping close to family, accepting eccentricities and putting up with stuff, but this is completely out of hand, she’s creating a kind of fog in your mind about how much you owe so she can control you , a bit like a drug dealer does to the people who go out and sell the drugs for them.
Unless you are holding something back, and it doesn’t sound like you are, you really need to get hard with her. Offer her £50 per month for say a year. If she says no, then walk away. What’s she going to do anyway?
Sometimes not very nice people have kids. We all wish our parents were kind, supportive, fair. Unfortunately some aren’t and your mother is very unlikely to change, you need to harden up and protect yourself now.