Page 9 | To ask DH to contribute some money for summer

snailandwhale25 · 2025-08-15T13:54:51+00:00

DH and I do have separate finances which I know isn’t for everybody but it’s just how we do things. He earns a lot more but in fairness pays for a lot more as well. We have two children and I seem to be haemorrhaging money this summer. It isn’t even expensive days out, even things like a trip to the park once you’ve factored in parking and ice creams can leave not much change from £20. Plus because I’m with them in the one buying eg sun cream, snacks, groceries so we have food for dinner etc. I’ve managed until now but payday is next week and I’ve barely anything. It isn’t unreasonable to ask DH to send some money over, is it?

Original poster

snailandwhale25 · 15/08/2025 16:26

I think I’ve tried to make it politely clear it isn’t something I’m looking to do at this time. I don’t want that to sound rude, ungrateful or in any way surly but I just don’t think there’s much to be gained by us endlessly going over it for pages when to be totally transparent here I’ve no intention of opening a joint account unless DH indicates he’d also like to!

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Whinge · 15/08/2025 16:22

Sitting down and working out a budget is exactly what I definitely don’t want and neither does DH.

Of course he doesn't. If you actually sat down and compared how much you spend each month compared to how much you each earn, it would be obvious just how much better off he is due to the current arrangement.

Children should be a joint expense. You're working less hours and yet you're still paying for nursery, childcare, actvities, clothes, food and most of the other general household expenses. Do you know what he spends his money on? Doesn't it bother you that you have nothing left and he could have thousands in savings?

Original poster

snailandwhale25 · 15/08/2025 16:15

@Gallivant - quite happily! Honestly, I’m not getting the massive fuss here. DH pays for the mortgage, the bills, that’s a lot.

I pay for nursery, swimming, other activities, I mostly buy their food and clothes but it isn’t set in stone and DH sometimes does as well.

Sitting down and working out a budget is exactly what I definitely don’t want and neither does DH. I do with my monthly salary of course but the summer has taken me by surprise and the budget would have been blown by week 2 anyway!

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PurpleThistle7 · 15/08/2025 16:09

I guess it depends on what you can afford collectively? How much does he have leftover?

You both need to sit down and work out a budget that works for the family income and expenses. Then work within that. Sometimes that means - as a family - you can’t afford £20 just to go to a park. But if you can afford that collectively then of course you should expect him to pay his fair share.

Cannot believe there’s another thread like this already!

Gallivant · 15/08/2025 16:08

God, how do women live like this?

OP, you're married. What's his is yours, as he would very soon discover if you were to divorce.

Let me guess - he has a shit load of money for personal spends which you don't see or know about and while you're scratching around trying to afford an ice-cream for his children, he's spending on hobbies, tech, clothes, cars......

Original poster

snailandwhale25 · 15/08/2025 16:07

@Moonnstars its worked until now- August is a bit of an anomaly.

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fthisfthatfeverything · 15/08/2025 16:05

Going forward Just ask him for £20 the night before

Moonnstars · 15/08/2025 16:03

snailandwhale25 · 15/08/2025 15:58

Exactly @Moonnstars and honestly trawling through every bill and working out ‘my’ percentage and ‘his’ is just not how I want to be spending the precious little free time I have, it just isn’t. I’m honestly not knocking it in the slightest; obviously people do and it works well for them.

But your current system doesn't work either. What if your partner says no he doesn't have the money either?
How do you know what he has spent all his money on?

Original poster

snailandwhale25 · 15/08/2025 16:01

I’ll be able to work more then, though @Whinge and other costs will either go or be reduced (childcare mostly!) So a different financial picture and we’ll keep adapting and tweaking. I’m just not really looking to start a joint account on the basis of August - especially since I’ve nothing to put in it at the moment!

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Whinge · 15/08/2025 16:00

snailandwhale25 · 15/08/2025 15:53

It just doesn’t @Spies . I think the system we have is mostly fair; it’s just this month where it’s disproportionately fallen on me a bit.

It's not just this month though. The older children get, the more expensive they are. Clubs, activities, trips out, clothing, food, presents, and so on.

Original poster

snailandwhale25 · 15/08/2025 15:58

Exactly @Moonnstars and honestly trawling through every bill and working out ‘my’ percentage and ‘his’ is just not how I want to be spending the precious little free time I have, it just isn’t. I’m honestly not knocking it in the slightest; obviously people do and it works well for them.

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Littleredgoat · 15/08/2025 15:57

He pays mortgage. Are you on the deeds?

Moonnstars · 15/08/2025 15:57

snailandwhale25 · 15/08/2025 15:51

@Moonnstars i do think that’s a good way of putting it but then the issue with the joint pot is that if / when it runs out because as you rightly say it isn’t consistent it still is me replacing it. So back to square one really.

But you would roughly calculate what costs to put into each pot. So if you know nursery usually costs x amount, that would be what goes in it, along with a rough calculation of other spends e.g. I normally spend around £200 on Christmas per child so I would work out splitting this each month. Then a set amount for clothes. Basically building having a pot readily available for spending.

What happens at weekends if you do things with the kids? Who pays then? Is it you as you pay for child related activities?
What about holidays?

We have a couple of joint accounts as well as our own and different things come out of each. Likewise we do put most things on credit card and then pay off in full each month.

Doitrightnow · 15/08/2025 15:55

I'm a sahm and get a monthly allowance from DH, as we never bothered getting a joint account. So not quite the same situation, but I am spending a lot more than average on DC in the holidays and yes, I have asked him for more contributions to cover half of it. He's said of course.

Clearinguptheclutter · 15/08/2025 15:54

Course not. But I am concerned that you are concerned about asking him
should be a
“oi, dh, keeping these two happy over summer hols is pretty expensive can you transfer me an extra £100 to tide me over”

Original poster

snailandwhale25 · 15/08/2025 15:53

It just doesn’t @Spies . I think the system we have is mostly fair; it’s just this month where it’s disproportionately fallen on me a bit.

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EchoedSilence · 15/08/2025 15:52

I think it's good to have separate finances. As long as it works out fairly. We have never had a joint account.

We do help each other out though if one of us is a bit skint. So just ask him for some money.

Spies · 15/08/2025 15:51

snailandwhale25 · 15/08/2025 15:45

Yeah this is similar. I have to admit a joint account just doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest.

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Why doesn't it appeal to you. You'd both put in amounts and all bills would come from that? Much the same as what you do now but then you wouldn't worry about having no money.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/08/2025 15:51

The only think unreasonable about this is the fact it’s a question. You shouldn’t think this is unreasonable neither you shouldn’t be worried to ask.
the fact that you have is concerning

Original poster

snailandwhale25 · 15/08/2025 15:51

@Moonnstars i do think that’s a good way of putting it but then the issue with the joint pot is that if / when it runs out because as you rightly say it isn’t consistent it still is me replacing it. So back to square one really.

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Moonnstars · 15/08/2025 15:48

But this is a strange way of doing it, and also relies on you being the one to budget well. His money is used for things that are consistent (well mostly). He knows how much the mortgage/rent is, gas/electric, water bills etc. Whereas you paying for the children varies. Do you also buy their presents? Will you be buying school uniform? You therefore need to ensure that by only funding the child related activities you 'save' for holidays and don't spend on weekends term time, and also save enough for gifts.
It seems a strange system as your costs could vary.

Ponderingwindow · 15/08/2025 15:47

Children’s expenses need to come from a joint pool. You can keep other expenses separate if you want, but not those. So you are unreasonable to ask him to send some money over because what you need to do is completely overhaul this situation.

Original poster

snailandwhale25 · 15/08/2025 15:45

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 15/08/2025 15:34

We don’t though - we have things I pay for, and things he pays for. His overshadows mine, but we are each responsible for our own family expenses, if that makes sense?
he then will just give me whatever extra I need.

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Yeah this is similar. I have to admit a joint account just doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest.

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Conversensational · 15/08/2025 15:45

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 15/08/2025 15:34

We don’t though - we have things I pay for, and things he pays for. His overshadows mine, but we are each responsible for our own family expenses, if that makes sense?
he then will just give me whatever extra I need.

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What's the point then if he gives you the extra?

I couldn't be doing with this at all. DH and I both work, it gets slung into a central pot which is ours as a couple. If he wants to buy stuff he can, so can I. We might check in if it's a larger amount like "oh btw I am going to buy x which is prob about £250 if you see it coming out of the account".

Original poster

snailandwhale25 · 15/08/2025 15:44

ForZanyAquaViewer · 15/08/2025 15:16

Multiple people have asked how you split your finances. Are you going to tell us?

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I didn’t realise they had to be honest. I’m multi tasking. DH earns a lot more so he pays for the mortgage, the bills etc. I pay for the kids stuff - so nursery (although dc1 has now left) and activities and most food and clothes. It works out fairly equal and in fact I thought I’d save money this summer as I didn’t have a childcare bill for dc1. That has not happened!

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