To ask DH to contribute some money for summer

Not going to tell you to do a joint account, OP, although I will say we have one without doing a major line-item budget – we both just stick in a set amount and the bills/mortgage/stuff comes out of it. Everything else left in my account and his is a free-for-all.

It does worry me you feel like you can’t ask him or talk about money, though? My DP earns 4x as much as I do and pays for a lot more, as he should! But he also acknowledges I do the lion’s share of childcare and catering; he wouldn’t bat an eye at topping me up for summers/half terms; suggesting he pay for a family pass to the zoo/farm/whatever. With our division of labour and finance, for instance, he books and pays for the food shop, and unpacks it, clears the fridge, etc; I meal plan and add items to a shopping list – which in summer means an absolute fortune in berries but also packaged snacks for ease. No comment is made on the cost.

Summer is expensive – even though I do picnics and free stuff or places we have passes, as you say it’s ice creams and parking. I call it the “£10 a day cost of living with kids”; there’s ALWAYS something, a new water bottle or present for a party or parking or suncream. But I wouldn’t hesitate to tell DP I was short because of this; he would respond that he’s only able to earn to pay for it because I’ve taken more time off to do the childcare, how much do I need. Just talk to him.

OP I know you're resistant but what DH and I do is put all our wages in the joint pot that pays bills and family expenses and then take out equal savings money and spending money for our seperate accounts. That means that we truly pay expenses proportionately to our earnings and save and spend equal amounts as we're a team.

You say you thats not something you want to do, but yet you are short every month and because he earns more no doubt has more disposable income. Could that maybe be a discussion?

Why are you having to ask your DH for money to look after his kids?
Why is he not offering?
Is he blind?

Had an identical thread two/three days ago.

You say a joint account wouldn't work for "all sorts of reasons " but I don't understand why. My DH used to earn a lot more than me, so we each paid an amount to the joint account based on a percentage of what our total outgoings were - so I put in 40% of my take home and my DH used to put in 60% of his.
Then everything household-wise came from the joint account, plus we each had our own personal account for spends, treats etc.

Not sure why this method wouldn't work for you OP - it's so much easier for joint expenditure to come from a joint account.

A marriage is a union, a combining of two people to effectively live as one unit from hereon in. With this in mind, why on earth do married couples not have a joint account? Blows my mind!

If you are married to someone who you think might ditch you at any minute and steal your shared money you should divorce them.

Well, whatever the situation is, it's clearly benefitting the OP's DH - and not her, or she wouldn't be needing extra money for the children FFS!

I agree. How can women bear to be treated like this? If you are a family the money is there for both partners to access, not for one person to dish out like the other is a charity case.

Will never understand how a marriage can be run as two seperate entities. You’re supposed to be a partnership. Of course he should pay for the kids to do things in the summer holidays! At the very list there should be a joint account for all kid related activities.

This thread makes my soul weep. 😢 Do some women with children (mothers) really live like this? Have a partner/DH who earns more than them, and have to beg for extra money to keep/feed/entertain their children? This is actually dreadful. I'm utterly speechless. @snailandwhale25 You are 100% entitled to money from HIS account for HIS children.

This works for you does it? Really?

This is your husband and unless you are expecting him to be annoyed you are asking, then just ask, its not an unreasonable request and the honest answer maybe, sorry love, things are a bit tight for me too and you will need to get inventive.

You are both adults, it doesn't matter who earns what, I am sure you both want the best for your kids in the holidays so just ask....unless there is a back story to this with you asking unsuccessfully for extra money before and you know it will not be well received?

It doesn’t work, because your aren’t working as a team and you’re both trying to stay financially separate.

you have one pot of assets now, since you legally entered into a marriage/civil partnership. What bit of that don’t you understand?

this silly game of I pay 5is, he pays this, I keep money seperately isn’t a sign that you’re staying “independent “and both contributions financially or some misguided idea of equality. It is merely silly, unnecessarily complex and leaves the lesser paid individual open to financial abuse. You should not be having to ask your husband for money ever. You should both have a joint budget, where you’ve agreed over next year what your outgoings and income is, summer activities are budgeted for in advance, along with everything else.

sure keep a perosnal account, where you pay yourselves a perosnal allowance which you can spend as you please on perosnal stuff like clothes, grooming, solo entertainment (girls nights out etc) , and even gifts for each other.

youvarecfneibg out now why not having joint account and budget is simply not working, yet still burying your head in sand to say joint won’t work. It will . As will sitting togther and coming up with a realistic budget so summer spends are accounted for in advance and no nasty surprises.

But the house that he pays for is also OPs. Are you suggesting she pays for half of everything that is 'hers' too, or does it only go one way? Because OP would most certainly be worse off if she did.

OP has already said she's happy with the financial arrangement and the way they split things. Some might say sharing a bank account with someone who could ditch you at any minute and leave you with nothing is madness too!

You don't want to have a joint account.
You don't want to ask your DH for money.
You don't want to say no to icecreams.

I don't think there are any other options.

Sorry, your husband benevolently dishes out a card specially for school holidays? Does he take it back in term time then? Or somehow prevent you having/using it at other times?

I honestly couldn't bear the idea of having to go cap in hand to please sir ask for money anytime I ran out. If I was a mother and we had agreed I would give up my career and independent income solely to raise our children, I would fully expect shared, equal access to his income in return. Not an allowance or special school holidays card or any kind of gatekeeping on his part.

They are also his children. This is madness!

We have separate accounts too and run our finances the same as you, and it works really well. Probably in my favour actually. He pays for everything house related, plus all of the groceries, holidays and the more expensive kids clubs. I pay for everyday kid stuff, clothes, and a few cheaper kids clubs (plus my own bills). I've bought extra craft bits for the summer holidays, taken them on a few days out, bought nicer food for when friends have been round. DH transferred me a chunk of money to last until the end of summer. It's really not a big deal in the slightest.

This is not how our joint account work. We stick a percentage of our wages into the account each month, say 60% of net pay, whatever is needed to cover the monthly outgoings. You don’t need to work out your percentage of each bill that lands. That would be a complete waste of time.

You don’t seem to want to take on board the advice.

you both need to go through the household expenses and see how much everything is actually costing. Go through all the direct debits. Are you paying for things you know longer use? My husband paid £7 for mobile phone insurance for about 12 years as he didn’t check his DD. Just didn’t notice it til we went through everything.

stop buying ice creams. You can’t afford them and have to say no. Your kids will survive and if they whine then teach them how to deal with disappointment.

you need to make a plan as prices have increased so you need to make changes.

Because a lot of the people on here think that once your married everything should go in one pot and it baffles me. If your happy how your finances work then keep it how it is of you need extra to cover the holidays just ask him. If he's says no and can give a reasonable answer as to why he can't so be it if he says no and can't give a reasonable answer that's different.

My partner and I put the same amount into a bills account each month, everything is split down the middle he earns more than me and I like it this way (nobody else's business and if you don't understand it understand I don't care and I don't understand why you do your finances in one pot) I do know if I'm short anytime he will give me some money I also have a credit card on his account

I am a SAHM and carer with 3 children, my husband gives me a card for school holidays because he knows from looking after the children himself that they need entertaining and sometimes an ice cream or drink.
He must know that having the children home costs extra, he is taking the piss to leave it all to you, YANBU.

These types of set ups and posts honestly do my head in. You’re a committed couple with children together. Just put all of your money into one joint account, then have separate accounts for your own fun money, ideally with the same amounts that you transfer to each month. decide what this is for - gym memberships, hairdressers, clothes, presents etc. Then everything else to do with house, bills, cars, kids etc. comes out of joint.
Sod who earns more, percentages, one paying for x and the other paying for y. You’re a family. You’re both earning, caring for children, running a home. It’s irrelevant who earns more in your situation. You should pool finances.
People keep saying it because they’re right and your way of doing it is stupid. As evidenced by the fact you’re stressing about asking your husband for money to take your kids to the park.

If you don’t want a joint account why not create a separate joint account both of you pay into?. This account then pays for groceries, kids outings etc and when it needs to be topped up both put some more in.

Sorry is this even a relationship let alone a marriage? Who’s actually benefiting from this ‘marriage’? Of course you’re not being unreasonable!!