To ask DH to contribute some money for summer

Did you read all of her posts? She really only pays for the children's expenses and food and he pays for everything else. Without knowing the exact numbers, we don't know that she's carrying "so much of the financial burden." She also says that she's fine with their set up the way that it is.

Could you say @snailandwhale25 'wow that washing machine bill has wiped out the kids holiday spends! Would you be ok to send £100 for the kids pocket money this month please?

You don't need a joint account. Just tell him you need money and how much. You are a couple with kids not teenagers having fun. It doesn't work that one has everything and one is left with nothing. You are his wife and these are his kids. Fulstop.

My DH and I keep finances separate and have our own accounts. DH earns triple what I do and also pays for a lot more and puts more in. We both have a joint account for the mortgage, shopping and bills etc and a joint savings account for holidays, kids and everything else. We both contribute a percentage of our wage each month and it goes between both joint accounts. In the case of any of us falling short for whatever reason we’ve used our savings. I’ve fallen short before due to a bad month of not planning properly and have full access to both our joint accounts.

Man-hater alert. Who says she is carrying so much financial burden? If he’s paying the mortgage, utilities, the car, etc and she’s contributing nothing to those. then he’s the one carrying the burden and OP is living beyond their combined means. You certainly can’t (unless you are a MN man-hater, of course) say there is any financial bullying going on.

That’s the obvious conclusion (per @redskydelight ‘s post ops above). But to the man-hater…

Summer 🏡 holidays are hard. Even free stuff has travel costs or ice cream costs. A 99 isn't 6d anymore!

Daycare/summer camp can be as much as £50 a day. Your requests are not unreasonable. Don't ask him. Tell him.

Same.

Surprised you've spent a months worth of nursery fees on days out and ice creams with young kids.

As you are clearly unwilling to do a joint account or even a budget (wild IMO given it sounds like things are quite tight for your family) then you've clearly overspent and need to rein it in massively and not make it DH's problem.

As long as I live, I will never understand not having joint bank accounts

Have seperste finances but have a special seperste bank for children stuff eg monzo or starling one with a pot for summer you contribute say 20 to per month and him 40
Another pot for Christmas ,bdsys again you both add to it but proportional.
Both have a card and access to it

No more asking for money .

Of course not!! Why are you carrying so much financial burden for the family if he earns significantly more than you? Whatever he earns is a shared asset - if sounds like he's ring-fencing money in order tk put you in the position of having to ask for it. This is financial bullying.

I honestly couldn’t live like that. My husband has always earned more than me. I was a ta so you guess the salary there -peanuts. I’ve had to give up work due to ill health. My husband supports me. It’s our money. Everything. We have been married 30 years though. Our parents had everything joint (both sets) and we just did the same.

A joint account is just one way of managing this.

It's clear that OP and her DH are sufficiently affluent that they normally don't have to think about money too much to live their chosen lifestyle.
At some point it sounds like they had a conversation where they agreed that DH would cover mortgage and bills and OP would cover the children's things and they were both happy that this was reasonable within the realms of what they earned and what money this left them with.

It also sounds like OP (not sure about DH) is not really interested in budgeting. When it came to the summer holidays she simply thought "oh well, I'm saving on childcare and other activities that aren't running, so I can spend the money I would normally spend on those on days out". As she normally does, she's spent what she wanted without really budgeting and consequently has run out of money.

What's unclear is whether

1. The split of payments is unfair (taken across the year) OR
2. OP is simply bad at budgeting and should have put aside money for August across the year and/or spent less

As a one off, the answer probably just is for OP to say to DH that she needs more money for the summer. As longer term, she should consider whether she is in situation (1) or (2). They don't need a joint account but they do need an idea of how much money they spend as a family. But it seems they've both liked not having to think about this and it's a shock now to realise that they are not so well off that they do need to think about it.

I used to do this but I always felt uncomfortable asking for money in the holidays when I ran out.

So we have a joint account now for house and kids spending. He puts in some, I put in (significantly less due to difference in income). I use that for any holiday activities or stuff for the house.

Whatever I earn is my spending money for whatever I want. I personally don't like spending on myself unless it's money I've personally earned. It's a pride thing.

I'm happy with that as my husband covers all bills, food and fuel.

Having joint finances would be the answer here surely, then you don't need to ask permission for anything. Your money and his money is just odd in a marriage partnership surely?

Even if you don't want joint accounts or shared money you absolutely do need to a joint budget. Absurd way to run a family. You don't even know how much money your DH has! You need transparency and fairness.
I can't even fathom asking my husband to contribute towards summer. They're his kids, I just spend the money if I need to.

I would just assume DH would trust and respect my decisions on things like this. Why do I need to hide it from him in a separate account?

The fact you have to even ask on a anonymous message board whether it’s okay to ask your husband to contribute to his own children over the summer, says that there is a problem with your financial dynamics.

But even if you weight it, it could be one of you can pay for 100% of all household finances and still being galavanting around with tons of 'their' money. The other person might still only have £10 for fun spends. Yes they get everything paid for them but presumably their salary is lower because they facilitate the other person's. So it seems unfair not to share the fun money too.

You should have full access to his money and he should trust you to use it sensibly and budget properly. I could not cope being treated like a child and asking for pocket money every week from my life partner. No way.

Just tell him.
This summer has hit my bank account and with the added extras I have very little left till payday, can you let me have some money for the last 2 weeks of the summer expenses?

Possibly I think this way because I don't see any purchase made as a single purchase. If I want a handbag for example, it's because I need to carry things for work or for the DC and so it is a joint expense.

Crucially neither of us take the piss and we tend to save as much as possible

It doesn't work if you have quite different preferences/spending habits and money is tight. Most of the people i know who run this sort of joint account approach, neither of them is very spendy. If DH and i did it he'd get cross about the cost number of books i buy for the DC, simply because he isn't really a reader himself, and will say just go to the library, but the library has a really poor hotch potch selection (e.g. they will have book 2 of a popular series but 1 & 3 are missing). My kids read voraciously so this is something I'm happy to spend on.

I'd struggle with this because what if one of you earns significantly more, so your 'fun money' (I've never heard this expression until this thread) is £50 and his is £5000

If you weight your contributions to the joint account appropriately based on what you earn, this should not happen (my sister does this approach).

I'd struggle with this because what if one of you earns significantly more, so your 'fun money' (I've never heard this expression until this thread) is £50 and his is £5000. So he gets to go to a Michelin star restaurant and you have to stick to a sandwich from m&s. Or it's the other way round and he earns less. That doesn't seem like an equal marriage.

By having separate accounts it might not even be obvious the better paid person has all the extra cash. Maybe if you have exactly equal finances this works. But then why not just pool the fun money?

Possibly I think this way because I don't see any purchase made as a single purchase. If I want a handbag for example, it's because I need to carry things for work or for the DC and so it is a joint expense. DH won't use the handbag but it's something one of the family unit (me in this case) needs or wants. DH knows I'd prefer a nice handbag to a bag for life so he won't care if I spend what I want just as I won't care if he spends on whatever tech toy he wants.

Crucially neither of us take the piss and we tend to save as much as possible. What happens if your partner never saves money with their 'fun money' and you want to move house in five years? The lack of transparency and joint approach would make me feel we were just housemates.

"Ask DH to contribute some money". Interesting concept, but I wouldn't live like this.