To ask DH to contribute some money for summer

We don’t run totally separate finances, or all into one pot- there are joint and separate accounts. We have agreed budgets for certain things and expensive purchases/large cost activities are jointly agreed. There can be very good reasons for separate finances, though, and if it works for you then it’s fine.

the issue here is that it isn’t entirely working for you. Whether that’s the fault of the nature of how you share your finances and joint costs, or whether that is because you have had a budgeting/ overspending issue is impossible to say.

I suppose it depends on what your agreement is. If it’s he pays all day to day costs- mortgage/rent, council tax, utilities/insurance , travel costs, whilst you pay for children’s clothes/shoes/hobbies and school
holiday entertainment (assuming the current split of costs is more or less proportional to income) then he might have some justification in wondering why you hadn’t stuck to your budget, or had not put aside money in anticipation. If your income is really low and you can’t afford to put money aside after your expenses, then there is a problem- either an unfair split of costs is leaving you struggling, or your joint outgoings (even if paid separately) are too high.

I don’t think it unreasonable to ask, and if he can afford to, he should help you. Whether this reflects a wider issue in the way you split your finances, or your budgeting, is another matter.

We don’t though - we have things I pay for, and things he pays for. His overshadows mine, but we are each responsible for our own family expenses, if that makes sense?
he then will just give me whatever extra I need.

But you don't have to put all your money in the joint account. Just enough to cover joint expenses each month with maybe a bit extra so you have some leeway for any extra expenses that crop up.

Obviously just do whatever works for you but I find it very strange to have completely separate finances when you have lots of shared expenses.

Just have joint money. What is the advantage of having separate, I’ve never really understood it?

I don’t have a joint account with my partner - because he is a saver, and I am a spender.
it just wouldn’t work.
we’d get to the end of the month and I’d think ‘oooh, bank account looks good - I’ll pick up x,y,z.’
he thinks ‘I’ll pop that over to the other account/premium bonds/whatever sensible thing should be done with the money’
I have my money, he earns considerably more, so if there’s a big expense for the kids or something I let him know and he’ll transfer it over.
we have a joint credit card, but that’s it.

DH transfers me an extra £100 a week during the holidays to cover the extra costs. Even though I’m a SAHM I’ve never wanted a joint bank account, happy with my own account with money transferred into it

I can't believe that it hasn't occurred to him when you talk about what you've done during the day to offer to send you money to entertain his kids!!!

You can have joint account for children where you both contribute.

we have a joint account that just covers food household and family expenses. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Unless you have a set up where he pays all the bill and mortgage and you pay for the shopping. In which case the shopping person always get screwed

In summer we continue to buy the same ‘school lunches’ and make then each night before. Sit in the fridge ready for a day out or a day at home they are ready whenever they want to eat them. Saves rushing around (both parents working from home all summer). Works better for us

Interested to know why a joint account “just doesn’t work”. Does one of you have a spending problem?

Of course it’s not unreasonable for a father to pay for food/toiletries/entertainment.

It's completely mad isn't it! Honestly the fact you think it's unreasonable to expect him to help pay for children you both had is just blowing my mind!

It's also completely odd to me that he hasn't thought about the fact you'd be paying more for them during the summer holidays and therefore already offered to transfer some money across.

What are the reasons it doesn’t work?

Is there a reason you haven’t asked him?

Multiple people have asked how you split your finances. Are you going to tell us?

I couldn't live like this, having to ask my husband for money to take our children out for the day.

This is insane!!
How do people live like this?
Why isn't he paying his fair share of raising his kids?? Utter madness!

Why doesn't it work? My husband and I set one up as soon as we moved in together to cover joint bills. We still have our own accounts too but food, household bills and kids' expenses come from the joint account that we each pay into monthly.

We do the same OP and your DH needs to contribute - transfer some money or give you some cash.

The first school hols was a learning curve for me re this and since then DH either transfers money over off own back or I ask him for some.
Also, try not to spend every day, or always feel you have to buy food / ice creams at park or wherever. I always take food with us from home (but admittedly usually end up getting a tea or coffee for myself when out to keep going, as we tend to be out for hours!)

I just considered it was a failure in my planning if I had to buy a drink or food out, when I could take it from home much more cheaply. My DC weren't used to routinely having ice creams etc and it was a big treat when they did.

But either way, of course he should be contributing.

Who normally pays for children's activities?

In this set up it might be easier to make a joint pot specifically for kids spending during the holidays.

Then you equally contribute PLUS you have a budget to stick to.

Not unreasonable at all.
i bet if you mention the jump in the outgoings he’ll offer to transfer money to you.
I know my partner does/would.

They are his kids?

If you’re wondering if you’re U for asking him for money, it’s your current arrangement that doesn’t work.