Person I knew a long time ago wants us to give her son a bit of a holiday - would you?

I’m not sure, I have some friends in America that I’ve not seen for 20 plus years but I’d like to think that my dd would be welcome at their house for a night or two if she was over there.

Id say yes but put a limit on how many nights etc.

Remember they might be asking because they've done this for others and would be happy to be asked. I know someone who's happy to do this sort of thing.

It's fine to say no, but I can't see the point of getting angry about it.

As for our house, we don't really have room, but we could make it work with a bit of juggling things around. I think she just assumed we'd have space.

In that case I think you have an easy out. Don't even think of moving anyone, just say,

X is welcome to stay for a couple of nights, but he/she will have to sleep on the sofa as we don't have a spare bedroom.

You may hear no more.

I would personally do it for a couple of days. I wouldn’t take annual leave for it but happy to spend some time in the afternoons or weekend. I don’t need to see or talk constantly to my friends to feel close to them. Many of them I haven’t seen them for years and when we meet up is like we were together yesterday.

Definitely NBU.

I get that some people do this, but you haven't seen the kid since he was a baby and have very little to do with the parents. All a bit awkward.

A simple 'Sorry, that doesn't work for us' should suffice.

Did you know the child? I'd quite like to see some of the kids I remember from when my kids were at playgroup, little kids I remember and see who they are now.

OMG! the world is full of cheeky fuckers! 😆

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What a cheeky fucker she is! NO WAY @Rallentanda

Not the same, but I had an American penpal in the early 1990s (didn't have DC at the time, but was engaged to be married to my now DH,) and we exchanged letters (old fashioned snail mail!) for about 4-5 months, maybe 6 letters each, and we exchanged several telephone calls. She was sooooo totally excited to speak to a Brit!

Anyway, she rang this one day, and said 'guess what hun? I'm coming to the UK for three weeks in 3 months time, so we can finally meet!' ('Finally,' after just 4-5 months of being penpals?!) I said 'oh OK, right, nice one, where are you staying? We will have to arrange to meet up one of the days.' She said 'where am I staying? Where d'ya think sweetie? With you of course, in your 2 bedroom flat, you have a spare bedroom right?' (She was coming with her boyfriend!)

I was blindsided! I said 'well the second room isn't really a bedroom, it's just a 6 X 8 feet cupboard that has the boiler in it, and we have a little washing line in there, and keep stuff in there, there's not even a bed.' She said 'but YOU said it was a 2 bedroom flat!' I said, 'well, I don't remember saying that.' (Maybe I did I don't know, but the fucking cheek of her to think she can book a THREE week trip to England, and stay with me! I had only been writing to her for 4-5 months!)

She said she had been looking forward to being shown around Scotland and Wales and London and The Lake District (I lived in the West Midlands at the time, so NONE of them were nearby.) I said 'that wouldn't have happened anyway, as I wouldn't have got enough time off work or been able to afford all of that.' She said 'very disappointing. See ya.' Then she hung up and never contacted me again. To this day I am convinced that she was just using me (made me her penpal) to have a place to stay, and a chapperone!

tl;dr, a similar thing happened with a penpal from Nigeria. But she didn't tell me she was coming. She just turned up with 2 suitcases at mine and DH's flat (this was about 3 months later,) ready to stay with us. I had been writing to her for about 9 months. Maybe 7 or 8 letters each ... As luck would have it, me and DH had gone to North Wales on a caravan holiday THAT MORNING, about 2 hours before she got there, and were away for 10 days. The only door to the flat was solidly locked up (a big upvc safety door,) with no way in, as it was a second floor flat. So she couldn't gain access through a window.

The neighbour told her that we had just left and wouldn't be back for 10 days. She told me (when I got back) that she looked crestfallen, and asked if she could stay with her. My neighbour said no of course. This penpal stayed outside the flat/in the communal garden all day and overnight too (lay on one of the benches,) just in case my neighbour was lying. Next day she left, and I have no idea where she went/stayed. Again, this penpal never wrote to me again. Just using me. The cheek of turning up without warning though! 😬

Personally, I just wouldn't reply. But with the acceptance that it'll definitely be the end of the friendship.

Also, I'd expect the likelihood that their almost-adult "child" actually wanting to spend any time with you, is zero.
I'd compare it to going to hang out with my parents uni mates. I've met them maybe a half-dozen times, have one or two of them on my fb, but to actually go and hang out with them, independent of my parents, would be really fucking weird.
Kid just wants a free holiday, if in fact they actually want to go at all.

That’s what I meant to say 😂

NOOOOO!
It could be absolutely awful!!
You don’t know what this visitor is like.
Say you’re having building work and every room is out of action.

if someone one I disliked asked to come and stay and for me to show them around, it'd be an answer of

thats not convient for me and its not the sort of thing we do.

no sorry no real pleasantries

Well yes sometimes it isn't prying. I work in a fairly small industry, all things considered, and I can probably tell you what everyone I knew in my twenties is doing or not doing right now in terms of work. It isn't because I have looked them up.

It's a small industry everybody knows somebody who knows somebody and you either cross paths again or come across someone who knows them.

If it was just for a few days I'd accommodate him, no problem, but he'd have to find his own way around the city because I couldn't spare the time to take him out. He's grown up, all he needs is a few directions and he'll be fine. You might like him!

I wouldn't hold the woman's early parenthood smugness against her, I came across that a few times, once with a new dad, and it is irritating but it doesn't usually last. That is in the past and I doubt she is smug now. As for her unpleasant husband you are not being asked to accommodate him, he is her problem - and it sounds as though they haven't had much luck.

a hard no

Hmm, I can think of potentially countless reasons.

But the obvious one of not wanting to have my home invaded by a stranger, as a "favour" to people I dislike and haven't had contact with for many years, is surely sufficient.

I would do it. Why not?

Having a random teenager in your house, fuck that for a joke!

If it weren’t for the paragraph about how horrible they’d been, and they were acquaintances having a hard time, I’d say absolutely go for it. But it doesn’t seem like a relationship you should have in your life.

id say something like

“We can’t offer a place to stay unfortunately but i hope you and the family are well.” Don’t suggest it’s for a fake reason as you could then be making it harder to say no again later on!

As a UK expat in Australia, I can tell you it's also a very British thing. UK expats here are unhappily accustomed to relatives, however distant, and friends of friends etc, assuming we're all more than happy to put them up for holidays, or their missions to ascertain whether they want to emigrate etc.

Cheeky fuckery knows no national borders or boundaries.

Simple. I am really sorry we don't have the capacity and our circumstances have changed. You don't need to explain and then don't reply and block her. Why should you be made to feel uncomfortable when you don't deserve it or haven't requested it?

It’s not a cultural difference. I have met Brits that have done this whilst travelling. It’s not a British thing then by default is it, more of a cheeky or people who travel thing. Having lived in the U.S. it’s def not the norm

Fair enough, but it's certainly been the case with almost every American we have met while on holiday (small sample, admittedly), and has never happened with another Brit. I don't think it's cheeky if they invite you to stay, or if they would be happy to reciprocate if they are asking to stay with you. It's also fine to say no.

Ok, this is interesting, I thought it was an American thing and just posted about it above because I have a few friends and acquaintances who've got to know Americans and been invited there and also invited the Americans back, including offspring without their parents, off the back of meeting randomly on holiday!