Person I knew a long time ago wants us to give her son a bit of a holiday - would you?

I am genuinely curious how it is a ‘great experience’ for you hosting a person / someone’s son whom you have never met and have no idea Iwhat he is like?

He is not the child of an old and trusted friend, but a random person you haven’t even heard from in nearly twenty years. You have absolutely nothing in common, no shared memories and can’t be sure he is even a trustworthy person, or comes with good intent.

it strikes me this might be a cultural difference, so I would love to hear your views.

How do you even have the time for this? I can’t imagine how you can change all of the beds, extra cooking, shopping and hosting and see it as something fun for you to do?! Do you not work? Have children of your own? Have friends and family you would rather invite and see?

This is lovely. I feel the same as you and had similar circumstances as a child. All these negative responses are a shame. No-one I know, in my family or even family friends, would hesitate to say anything but yes. It's a great experience for everyone.

Personally I don't see what the big deal is. I'd absolutely do it. A great experience for the kid. You just need to be clear on boundaries such as time, expenses etc. Asking isn't rude. You might even have a nice time exploring your city from a different perspective. But then I've travlled a lot, happily hosted people, have been hosted many times by others when younger. It really isn't a big deal. Just because you're down on his parents don't take it out on the kid.

That’s a hard no. ‘Sorry we couldn’t put him up, but will have a think & send you a list of recommended places he could go when in town’.

Not a chance! She's using you! Don't even bother responding.

Just ask yourself one question.
Do you want to rekindle your friendship?
If not, say no.

Best send Op your address then.

Hard no sorry.

Poor kid. He will think it's him.

How weird and rude that people would ignore this message. I’d be delighted to get it and would happily host. It’s the kind of favour I benefitted from in my youth, why not pass it on? And a lovely way to stay connected to your old friends (or reconnect)

They’re not thinking about you at all. There’re only thinking about their son being safe and happy. Saying yes might open the door to more intrusive behavior by these people.

I'd definitely do it, I love hosting people though and get that it's not for everyone. I would be so excited to show someone where I live and have them in my home.

Glad the thread is going. Guilty gran admitting missing a thread about a boy called Will 😂

Some friends of my ex-in-laws asked if their daughter could come from abroad to stay with them for a month. A year later she was still in their home, eating her weight in food every week. The in-laws were too wet/polite to ask her to leave. It was grimly hilarious, and annoying as she'd insist on being present at all family conversations.

It's only as I write this I'm wondering what on earth she did about her visa.

I find it fascinating that so many would do this. How do you have the money for something like this? What if the person shows up with next to zero money and doesn't want to leave?

I would never have asked a friend or family member to host one of my children or my grandchild, let alone someone I hadn't talked to in 18 years.

@Rallentanda I don't blame you for not wanting to do this. It is quite cheeky and untoward to ask for such a favor after 18 years. The expense and the "hosting duties" are just too much for someone you don't know. I would reply, though. Just say, "No, that doesn't work for my family." Nothing more should need to be said.

Of course you shouldn’t. You barely know the woman now and you don’t know her DS at all. Just say it’s not convenient.

I would reply saying you're not in a position to host guests at the moment and leave it at that.I do think it's quite odd for them to contact you. If my DC was going to a foreign country it wouldn't even cross my mind to ask someone I hadn't spoken to in years to host them.

I'd actually consider this. If I had a spare room, and family circs meant it was ok to have someone I didn't know (but presumably isn't an axe murderer) in the house for a few days. He's a teenager. It'll probably be ok. You owe nothing to his parents and they're being CFs but ... it's a nice thing to do for a young person. For that reason alone I'd consider it (but try and find out a bit more about him first). I'd definitely point out that we were going to be at work all day so tours around the city are out!

(My 17 yo son recently did some work experience abroad and the institution he was working for kindly found a young couple he could stay with a few nights. No mollycoddling, no special treatment. It was really nice of them and he was a considerate guest.)

He’s just a kid who is heading out into the world on an adventure. It’s just a couple of nights (ask him to sleep in a sleeping bag so you don’t have to redo the bed if you must) and a couple of dinners (that you could ask him to help prepare). If you don’t want to play tour guide send him a couple of web links to cool places and tell him how the public transport system works. What has happened to the world? Why is everything so difficult now?

Young people are facing an incredibly tough time of it with student loans, wage stagnation and housing prospects. A kid who has the gumption to travel across the Atlantic on his own and is putting himself out there to stay with local people instead of sticking with his own crowd already has my admiration and I would 💯 want to do this for him. To fixate on his father’s employment issues and his mother’s micro aggressions decades ago also just seems… a bit mean.

In this case, it's kind of weird to ask because friend was not nice with op before the 18 year gap in the friendship.

Same here. I dont have a fixed, rigid rule. It seems posters here see it as a black and white thing and some sort of moral failing.

I guess it depends, if you have a huge house, loads of room like an annexe that is rarely used and like hosting, have some free time, and have find memories of your friendship then yes. In most other circumstances, then no. I couldnt host anyone right now, maybe in the future I wouldnt mind. I think it really depends on the exact curcumstances.

I’m a dual national and have friends (and their children) in lots of different places (we live in the UK and are culturally British). I don’t think it’s that weird. It’s definitely the sort of thing people do for other young people and certainly my mum’s friends looked after me in various ways when I was that age.

But it’s just an ask. You can say no. Don’t ignore it, that’s rude. Even if you aren’t really friends and you don’t like them. Just say sorry, we can’t, just don’t have the space but hope they have a lovely time travelling. It’s really no big deal.

I am from a culture similar to yours. But I thinks cheeky of ex freind to ask OP when they had no contact for 18 years. And the fact she used to be a smug parent, op is understandly not excited about it.

See it worked in your parents case. But sometimes people who are CF or arrogant they also raise pretty entitled, poor mannered kids so that's the risk op will have to take.

Speaking from experience.