Person I knew a long time ago wants us to give her son a bit of a holiday - would you?

Wow.

These people are not her friends, she doesn’t even like them!

The thing about people who ask really big favours like this is that they wouldn’t even consider doing this for someone else.

And have you noticed how Philip Mould’s cravats have got gradually bigger as his turkey neck has developed? Let’s all forget the American teenager with horrible parents, we have far more important issues to discuss!

Ooh can I come and stay with you? At a time that suits you obviously, I wouldn’t dream of imposing. I love Fake or Fortune and a mooch around a nature reserve and I’m also a very considerate house guest!

I definitely wouldn’t get involved. I’m
more than happy to help out family and close friends in this way but on a couple of occasions I’ve done so with people I didn’t know very well and it was a nightmare - they took the piss, overstepped boundaries, outstayed their welcome etc etc. And I made the mistake of not setting rules beforehand because I naively assumed that they would respect my home and personal space the way I would when visiting anyone. If this boy’s parents are anything to go by, he won’t be a considerate house guest so I definitely wouldn’t saying yes to this. Ignore them or just stonewall them with “No, that won’t work for us” - but don’t apologise or offer an explanation as that will give them the opportunity to come up with a compromise!

Honestly @Rallentanda the whole internet gives you permission to ignore this request

she isn’t your friend and allowing her Ds to stay with you might rekindle the communication between you. Then it gets VERY messy to try to back out of gracefully.

she has probably asked loads of people for this favour, someone else will help if they don’t know what she’s like.

her Ds isn’t your issue

People of all ages can be interesting, I don't understand this view.

They have no obligation to host, but plenty of young people are good company.

Same in my family. I have been hosted and have hosted countless times. My family have even taken in hitchhikers and kept in touch for decades and even gone to their weddings. I am sad for the poverty of life of those who don’t trust others or see the positives in building community like this

Why would they find a young man who wants to use their place as a hotel interesting? Do you really think he wants to come over in order to get to know them?

I think it’s something I would say yes to, but with clear dates agreed beforehand. He’s not his parents, you might find him interesting

No definitely not. Who does she think she is? Do not even reply back.

It is clear that you don’t like or respect them, so that’s why you don’t want to do it. Literally that’s it. Go with your gut instinct in these situations.

@GoodPudding I forgot about the burnt out cars, and cars on bricks after the alloys had been stolen. And having to carry your car radio with you or it would be stolen.

@FlyMeSomewhere

I’ve rarely come across someone with quite such amnesia about the past…

Of course people would be horrified by Jamie Bulger today - they’re often horrified (rightly) by far less as shown from these threads.

And young teen boys racing around at all hours was pretty common back in the 80s and 90s too. Just to name a few things I can recall off the top of my head from back then… a girl got raped in the common land behind my home, cars were stolen by joy-riders and torched so often it wasn’t almost normal, large unruly families living off benefits, teenagers puking all over the streets having had far too much to drink in the early (I was sometimes one of them), frequent teen pregnancies (far more than I see today!), various stabbings at local night clubs… I could go on. This was a typical Midlands city.

Seriously, look at some news stories and statistics from back then and your memory would return… the 80s and 90s were not some kind of utopia where young people were all deferential and law-abiding, and the worst that would happen was a bit of scrumping at your local apple orchard. You need your memory testing!

I mean all of what you say @FlyMeSomewhere is complete fantasy but this

Early hours of this morning between 3 and 4am, there were boy racers screaming about in cars nearby! That wasn't a thing in generations gone by because parents didn't allow it! Parents didn't just go to bed and allow their kids to play in cars all night

Is especially fantasy. This was massive in the 80's.

If they are driving they aren't children so quite how parents are going to stop it is beyond me.

The 70s/80s/most of the 90s was a time of disinterested parenting, most parents did not know where there children were, or what they were. They went out and that was that.

Yes I remember James Bulger! That shook the country but I don't think people would be shocked now! How many kids are going out tooled up with knives? How many 14 year olds are stabbing each other? As a kid of the 80's to mid 90's it didn't happen! People didn't stab teachers! Schools didn't have to consider having metal detectors on the doors! In the 80's you still feared getting a walloping if you did anything bad! Parents cared what their kids did and where they where especially at night but that's not the case now! The kid who lives behind me screeches at his parents on a regular basis and threatens to kill them! Look at the young adults that scream and drool like something possessed when dragged into custody suites, screaming how they are going to kill the coppers! There's so much more evil tempers around now because the only discipline they've had is the naughty step!

Not all kids were perfect back then but the issues are very different now! Look at everybody rushing to kids get diagnosed with something nowadays, how much of that is parents trying to make excuses for a filthy tempered kid that's had no discipline.

Early hours of this morning between 3 and 4am, there were boy racers screaming about in cars nearby! That wasn't a thing in generations gone by because parents didn't allow it! Parents didn't just go to bed and allow their kids to play in cars all night! I moved from a main road last year and I was at that address for 16 years, in the last 4 years the boy racing became a thing, you'd start to see groups of kids that only look about 13 walking down the road at 11pm! You cannot deny that parenting has got more lax, society has changed, the benefits culture was different, people worked but got extra help when needed then we started to see people going from school to benefits and having big families they fail to raise properly! I don't have rose tinteds on but you wear the biggest pair I've ever seen if you don't think society has changed!

I don’t think the OP should say “yes” but you’re being a bit ridiculous with the rose-tinted “it wasn’t like that in my day” stuff, as though teenagers were really any different 20-30 years ago. We weren’t - we were a mixed bunch back then too. And kids occasionally committed with murder back then as well (remember Jamie Bulger?). Extrapolating a few sensationalist news stories to apply to the whole population of young people is as stupid and it is unkind.

i think it was worth an ask from her,
when i travelled in america some old friends of my aunt's put us up
if you are available why not

All of the teens I know are fantastic, trustworthy and truly decent. They are far more together than we were, and don’t tend to get drunk or party anywhere near as much. It’s not really the idea of having young people that I have an issue with - it’s the fact most people work these days. We are busy. It’s expensive and tiring hosting others.

I would happily do so, if I was bored and had nothing better to do - the reality is that I am so busy I don’t have much time to see my actual family and friends.

I imagine most people are in the same position. We are not a bed and breakfast facility, we are working professionals. In any case it’s incredible this woman felt she could even ask given she hasn’t even bothered to stay in touch. It is CF behaviour.

I would be inclined to say “yes” if they were friends I’d kept in touch with, even if it was rarely (ie someone who meet rarely due to distance/circumstance but when you meet it’s like you’ve never been apart), but it sounds like you completely lost touch 20 years ago in large part because you actively didn’t like her, not just because you drifted apart, so I’d answer “no” to this request.

Times of changed, look at the kids charged with murder this week, since discipline went out the window you can't assume an unknown 18 year old is safe to have in the house! What if he's a psycho or a pervert, what if there's a female teen in the house etc. You can't be lax these days! You wouldn't walk out your house and invite the first stranger you see to come and stay with you for a few days.

It's not about being self centered! Times have changed! Kids aren't all raised like they used to be! They've just charged some 12/13/14/16 year olds with murdering a guy and you don't see the danger with letting an unknown 18 year old into your home? Every school holidays the community pages are regularly getting posts about malicious behaviour going on at the hands of people's kids! It's not sad or self centered to play safe! I wouldn't just let an unknown person stay in my house!
Not to knock you for doing it but I think it's very understandable in this day and age why people wouldn't do it.

No of course not! CF