To ask if you ever feel normal again after grief?

So, so sorry for your loss.

I dont think we ever get over some things we just get better at dealing with it.

I read somewhere once that one grieves for a month per year of acquaintance. That pretty much worked for me, I found. One day, I lifted my head, counted the months and thought “there’s something to that formula. How about that”.

However, you have stepped off one path called normality and are now walking another one. It's a slight different colour, smells a bit different but right now it’s very dark. You will move into light. And one day you will go through it all again for the next person.

My only sibling died in her 30’s, 14 years ago now. The grief just becomes part of you, but it’s less painful and raw as time goes on. I am very sorry for your loss.

Everyone is different but yes, I think in time you find a new way to be ‘normal’.

My mum died very suddenly and at first it was so completely overwhelming and I described my grief as like carrying a huge heavy sack around with me. It was so heavy, disruptive, constant and utterly exhausting. I just couldn’t fathom anything ever being different as I constantly lived my loss and shock and sadness.

I remember one day about 4 months in, I woke up and the sun was shining and I had this brief moment of joy. For the first time I had a little hope that in time the ‘sack’ would get lighter and over the years, it absolutely has. We created a new life but there will always be a gap and an absence. It’s a different life but it’s ok!

When you’re at the early part of your grief journey it’s impossible to think you’ll ever feel ok again. I think you just have to take your own time and do it your way but genuinely, I think that you will find a new sense of ‘normal’ when you are ready.

I’m sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/effects-of-grief/growing-around-grief/ I have found this way of thinking about grief helpful.

So sorry for your loss! Its heartbreaking. I lost my brother 11 months ago, he was my only sibling and we were so close. It was a grief I have never felt before and it did break me. It has got easier in that I can get through days without crying but I know I'll ever get over it.

It's so different for everyone! As much as people want to help there is nothing they can say or do to stop the pain but I did find talking about him helped. Do you have people to talk to?

Sending hugs x

Everyone’s grief is different.

I did begin to feel normal again. I can’t remember how long that took, but I do remember that at first, every time I realised that I was feeling normal, I felt terribly guilty for not feeling distraught. That lessened with time. Now, a few years down the line, I still get floored by a wave of grief every now and then, but most days are manageable.

Am so sorry for your loss.

My DH died just before his 29th birthday. His was a long drawn out battle with leukaemia but didn't make it any easier.

I was a wreck. I remember saying I didn't realise a broken heart hurt physically as well as mentally.

I struggled for a long, long time, but time is kind and you do find a way to go on. To find joy and be happy again.

It's decades since he died and I think of him every day-but with love tinged with sadness-more nostalgic. I still cry sometimes but I am generally happy.

It is not disloyal to be happy and live a good life-it's the best tribute there is.

I like the phrase that is used in Judaism "May his memory be a blessing"

I wish you peace. X