Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Step family contact after divorce

85 replies

Anonforthisone1 · 15/08/2025 11:19

If you had been in a child’s life since they were one. Raised them completely for over a decade of their life. Family insisted on be called nanny and gran etc. step grandparents had frequent contact like sleepovers. Was incredibly active in raising child You had children with relationship that you have eow contacted with would you still have a relationship with said child (when this is what the child actively wants and actively asks for all the time) or would you basically drop them and decide you no longer want to see them other then a hi during drop of or the odd two min phone call.with other extended family wanted zero to do with said child. Not talking about joining in on the eow contact but even maybe seeing for occasional sleepovers or a day out every couple of months. Seperation has been around two years.

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 15/08/2025 11:44

I have wondered about this. I briefly dated a man who had full custody of his (then) ten year old. He told me he had been in a relationship with a woman when his child was 2 to 6. They lived together and she was the child’s main caregiver during this time (the bio mother lived in another country and had minimal contact). Then they split and… that was it! I thought surely the woman would be grieving over losing contact with this child, and vice versa. An awful situation.

Original poster
Anonforthisone1 · 15/08/2025 11:44

Helpmeplease2025 · 15/08/2025 11:36

That’s on the parent. This is the choice made when you introduced DC to partners, this is the inherent risk involved.

Show quote history

So single parents shouldn’t move on or have a family just incase. Should they just parent and have nothing else?

surely the answer to this is if a person decides to actively want to parent and family actually push wanting to be part of life and getting upset when child didn’t call them nanny and act completely like their bio family then they should continue to treat all children similar for the sake of that child?

OP posts:
Helpmeplease2025 · 15/08/2025 11:36

Anonforthisone1 · 15/08/2025 11:35

Surely this is incredibly cruel to the child when this is all that they have known. and can cause significant abandonment issues.

would it make sense for children’s needs and wants to be prioritised in this kind of situation.

Show quote history

That’s on the parent. This is the choice made when you introduced DC to partners, this is the inherent risk involved.

50lbstolose · 15/08/2025 11:36

Maintaining contact / co parenting is hard enough when it is your biological children. Some people don't manage it even then.
Less so when it is non biological children

Original poster
Anonforthisone1 · 15/08/2025 11:35

Helpmeplease2025 · 15/08/2025 11:30

Yes, I dont think it makes much difference what the relationship was like while you were married, for most.

This is the reality of blended families and raising ‘as your own’. It’s mostly an illusion. It’s facilitated while you’re together due to circumstances. It ends when relationships end, for the most part.

Surely this is incredibly cruel to the child when this is all that they have known. and can cause significant abandonment issues.

would it make sense for children’s needs and wants to be prioritised in this kind of situation.

OP posts:
Helpmeplease2025 · 15/08/2025 11:30

Yes, I dont think it makes much difference what the relationship was like while you were married, for most.

This is the reality of blended families and raising ‘as your own’. It’s mostly an illusion. It’s facilitated while you’re together due to circumstances. It ends when relationships end, for the most part.

Original poster
Anonforthisone1 · 15/08/2025 11:27

Swiftie1878 · 15/08/2025 11:25

Depends on the reasons for divorce.
If it meant maintaining contact with a family that was supporting an abusive ex, for example, then I’d drop contact.
If everything was reasonably amicable, I’d definitely still want to maintain contact with the child.

Parents had Amicable seperation. Both unhappy so mutually decided to split.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonforthisone1 · 15/08/2025 11:26

Helpmeplease2025 · 15/08/2025 11:22

Realistically in most blended situations, people don’t have ongoing contact with children they aren’t related to, after a split.

Even if the family wanted to basically be grandparent/parent to child and the child had very little (basically) contact with bio dad? So a child has basically been treated like family the majority of their childhood and is now being dropped.

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 15/08/2025 11:25

Depends on the reasons for divorce.
If it meant maintaining contact with a family that was supporting an abusive ex, for example, then I’d drop contact.
If everything was reasonably amicable, I’d definitely still want to maintain contact with the child.

Helpmeplease2025 · 15/08/2025 11:22

Realistically in most blended situations, people don’t have ongoing contact with children they aren’t related to, after a split.