Be honest… what sort of response do you think this prospective employer will give me?

Id definitely think you would lose the job and Make a terrible impression. I think it probably seems worse in your mind than it will be in reality, and you and your daughter will manage it t just fine.

When you wfh now is your child in nursery the whole time you are wfh or do you wfh with you child there ?

Sounds like you’re getting cold feet which is understandable after so long WFH and a big change. In the nicest way, you’ve subconsciously (or consciously?) plucked the age of 4 being ok to go into office from your mind as a barrier. You’re doing the same with the weather too.

I get it because I’ve been there and made minor things seem significant in life choices as a coping mechanism with change, instead of saying ‘this is daunting but I’m going to take the risk anyway because I think it will benefit me and DD due to X Y and Z’.

Surely deep down you know they probably won’t wait for you until next May? And then you’ll loose the opportunity. Children are so resilient. Plus by the time May rolls around and she’s 4, don’t you think you’ll feel you may as well have summer with her and start going into office when she is in school?

I think you either need to sit tight until next September when she is in school and politely decline the role due to ‘a change in circumstance’ so you could maybe apply again with them in future, or seize the opportunity that past you thought it was going to be when you applied and start at the end of September! That way DD has a full year before school to adjust to however you being in office will change things.

If they did go for May, you'll feel under pressure to ensure your child is absolutely ready. Give up the new job

I agree with pretty much everyone else has said. I would withdraw the offer and hire someone else.

I also don't understand how you need time, when you also say the recruitment process was long. So you've already had 5 months to process what the job would involve, and now you want to delay it further?
That's over a year between applying, and actually starting.

I would be extremely annoyed if I was recruiting someone and they did this.

I've just withdrawn an offer because the candidate said they could start 1st Sept but contacted us this week to say they had to change that to end October.
It really doesn't give a good first impression so you can ask but be prepared to lose the offer.

You accepted the role at 80% on site. You already knew how old your child was.

As an employer, if you came to me and asked me to delay it by EIGHT months because your kid is small and you don’t want to travel in winter I would withdraw the offer immediately. You’re not demonstrating any engagement whatsoever.

And I say this as a mother of three who’s always worked and travelled full time.

Turning up for the minimum of what you agreed to is a basic ask.

When I moved jobs I had a 6 month notice period. New employer knew this before they offered me the job. They still got narked that my old job made me work my whole notice period (old job was publicly reducing staffing levels and had a recruitment freeze so new job thought they might let me go earlier.
I don't think your new job would be at all happy about you postponing starting until May. They probably meant to take a week or two between jobs...

You knew what you were applying for in the new job.

YABVU to think that any employerwill accept a delay of 8+ months from your proposed starting date of September to may next year.

Recruitment is expensive & time consuming, they have already spent a lot of money to get your this point & now you're having second thoughts!

I wouldn’t even ask because you’re going to look like a CF and taking the piss, could easily spoil any chance you have of ever being employed by them in future as it’s a mark against your name.

You can ask. It is likely you’ll be labelled ‘potentially awkward newbie’ right from the start though… depends if you care really. I can’t see them saying yes, because presumably they need the role. You knew the T&Cs when you applied so it’s just cheeky of you really - again, depends if you care about that.

I can't see them going along with this for the reasons pointed out by PPs.

In the real world, pre Covid almost everyone - even single parents as I was and am - went to the office 5 days a week come rain or shine, and both parents and children managed.

I'm grateful we now have hybrid working and wouldn't want to go back to 5 days in the office, but you're not being asked to go in every day and, more importantly, you agreed to it all when you accepted the job.

If it's going to be good for your career and earning potential, just do it. As a single parenr, I value the security of being employed versus self-employed.

I would withdraw the offer because you sound like a problem.
You are contracted to start in September and suggesting May is taking the massive piss.

Have you specifically asked them if they would be prepared to be more flexible over wfh for a very limited period, until May, when you would revert to their normal working pattern? Is it going to impact your efficiency or ability to do the job, if you’re not in the office 80% of the time, or are they just digging their heels in as a matter of principle?They don’t sound very family friendly to work for!

typo

Absolutely - if people are this tricky before they’re even in the door it doesn’t get better.

Im a single parent to 2 and I work 100% at my office. What's the special reason you cant work 80% in the office?

They’ll think you’re an enormous time-waster and withdraw the offer.

There is no way they'll agree to that

@Uniffe how are you planning to fund the additional 6ish months off work?

I don’t think so. Maybe a different way of framing it is would they consider a phased entry to office working e.g. 50/50 WFH/office for the first few months? So you know anyone else who works there? Is there a chance that once you get your foot in the sore you could negotiate a bit more WFH? I guess it depends how strong your negotiating position is. Do you have niche skills that are difficult to find? Generally it’s an employers market at the moment but maybe your sector is different.

I have just seen your update about being a. Single parent so apologies if my first post sounded harsh. The juggle must be extra hard in your situation. Do you have any friends or family who could pick your DD up from nursery if you got stuck?

How did you not know about all this during the recruitment process??

It sounds like you're wasting everyone's time.

also did you know you where or going to be a single parent before accepting the job or did that information come after accepting

If you want to piss them off.
I would have a really nasty taste in my mouth about you if I were to be your new boss, even after I’d refused your request.
I’d feel you have been manipulative and deceptive.

You asked for honesty

My first thought would be “Oh fuck, and this is before she’s even started”

You can always ask, I’m pretty sure my employer would say no and possibly withdraw the offer.