Be honest… what sort of response do you think this prospective employer will give me?

Nothing has changed since you accepted the job. Your redefined expectations would be a serious red flag to me as your prospective employer and I would therefore withdraw the offer.

If you are in a field or area where reputation matters even a little bit, don’t ask for the beginning of the year either. It’s so out of touch to ask that it would be the kind of thing that people would comment on to others, and word gets around. I would imagine you could never apply to this organisation again so I would also bear that in mind if they are a major employer in your field or town.
Sucking up stuff you don’t want to do is jus adulthood, unfortunately.

What "extra challenges" does commuting in winter have?! I (and millions of others) have commuted into a city centre for almost 20 years and the only things that change are that it's colder, wetter and occasionally it snows...?

"How you feel" is perfectly valid, Uniffe - it's just that, realistically, a prospective employer who doesn't even know you won't be interested

Their interest lies in getting someone who'll be committed to the job and actually BE there, and since it's clear that's not something you can offer I see no point in continuing this

It's possible they'll think you a timewaster, but you'll never have to see them again and better that than endless angst further down the line when you realised it just wasn't working out

Do the right thing. Admit you can't do the job and turn down the offer right now so you don't waste any more of their time. What on earth made you apply let alone accept the job?! I would 100% withdraw an offer.

My husband and many people like him leave the house at 6am to work outside in a physical job every day in all weathers - and you don't want to commute to an office job in winter!

I'd put you down to being a tricky employee who will be phoning in sick a lot.

Start or dont start but don’t ask to delay your start date by more than 2 weeks. They will definitely withdraw the offer and best case you have just burned a bridge with one employer but worst case you will be talked about and damage your reputation in the whole sector!

You do seem naive about normal business practice though. You want to delay your start date into a different financial year to the one in which the job was offered and don’t think that will influence whether the role will still exist?

You also think they will be happy not to have anyone in the role for nearly a year but that the role is still essential for them? Or that they will hire someone on a temp basis for 8 months and not be tempted to keep them in the role permanently if they are good rather than keep the role open for you who they don’t know yet (before you start they only have to give you one week’s notice of withdrawal of the offer).

if you don’t want this one, fine. But you have wasted your own and their time by applying for it and have also handed in your notice at your existing role so why did you do all that?

My assumption would be that you don’t particularly want this job and are still interviewing for jobs you like the look of more, and want to delay your start date with us while you see if you are appointed anywhere else instead. But want to hold onto the job offer with us as “insurance”.

So I’d withdraw the job offer and readvertise, on the assumption you’d probably be pulling out in a month or two anyway.

Should you ask them? Depends on how much you care about burning a bridge really. It would be quicker and less messy to just say your circumstances have changed and pull out. They aren’t going to agree to it.

Yeah I don't think they are going to wear you wanting to take eight months off. I think they probably thought one or two maximum. There will be a reason they want someone now and notwithstanding the long notice period if you try to delay by the best part of a year they will probably conclude it's not worth the bother.

I do understand that going back to FT office work seems a big step when you're used to largely working remotely but you'll get used to it.

I was 100% office based and DD in FT childcare from the age of one. It wasn't what I'd have chosen but it worked and she got used to it. There will be an adjustment period but it will be OK.

This.

I don't blame you. I've wfh for nearly 7 years and the thought of a long commute is horrific now. But you shouldn't have accepted the role knowing it wasn't suitable, and I think realistically you've known all along you don't want it.

Yeah, I was trying not to think the same thing. And failing.

They aren't going to agree to that. Just accept you will lose the job and move on. Doesn't really sound like you will stick it anyway so best to find a 100% wfh job. Many are now going back to 3-4 days in the office so you may have to accept you won't find what you want easily.

My friend works in recruitment, and she said that the biggest problem now is people accepting a job, knowing the terms, then expecting them to be changed for them once they start.

This is what I'm observing in my workplace.

If I was the employer in this case, I would be pretty irritated and would be fully anticipating that you might well not take up the role in May or - if you did - would be constantly trying to push back against being in the office. I would want to rescind the offer.

You should be honest with yourself about whether you are cut out for a job with a workplace given that you don't seem able to contemplate commuting in the winter (something that millions of people in the UK manage every year).

Also, to add: in my organisation, even if we wanted to agree to this, it wouldn’t be possible within the recruitment rules. The role could not be held for that period of time & would have to be re advertised.

Honestly, take it step by step. You may find it works better than you think eg the commute offers a bit of headspace for you that you don’t have at present and so on. At least try it.

if you're tired working 80% from home, i can't see you lasting 6 months in a more demanding role with 80% in office and a commute...

💯 don’t ask. They will almost certainly withdraw the offer, not just say no. Then you’ve no choice at all.

I’m a single parent to three DC, no support from ex, no family. Since they were small. I work fullltime in a senior-ish professional role. It has been very very hard over the years to juggle childcare and work commitments. I sympathise with your situation, truly, but bluntly, you need to get on with it, and make this work for you & DC; it’s not fair you’re doing it alone, the commute isn’t ideal but plenty of people do it.

Start the job, do your best and once settled, you may have more flexibility that isn’t apparent now.

Good luck.

You seem to be saying the start date wasn't fixed, which seems odd, if they know you have DC and have been working from home, they may have been being nice giving the summer holidays for you to organise a routine for childcare. But you don't want to work the hours you will be contracted to work in the office and now you don't want to start until May, do you really want this job? As an employer I would be beginning to wonder if I had made a mistake in offering the job at all. Is it a role that would be difficult to fill if they give up on you?

But be honest is it going to work in January. You have already cited the winter as an issue the commuting is too demanding.
I don't think you want the job on their terms ultimately. Let it go, move on and find something better suited to your preferred work life balance

Certain industries have been seeing 500+ applicants per role for several years now, particularly remote roles. It might not be the case here I appreciate, especially as you said it took them a long while to decide, but even if it took them another five months to hire again, that’s quicker than the eight months you’d be off for. Presumably they’d put the offer out to their runner-up candidates too. It sounds awful but you aren’t special to a company. You are special to your daughter, so take the time off if you think it’s right, but I truly don’t think it’d work on your favour, and then you might not be able to get another job come May.

They will look for someone else if you’re flaky

My friend works in recruitment, and she said that the biggest problem now is people accepting a job, knowing the terms, then expecting them to be changed for them once they start.

If you know a job is 80% office and you don't want that, then don't apply for it and certainly don't accept it..

You need to decide whether you want the job on their terms, or if you want to back out now, rescind your notice, or look for another job asap.

I agree with all the comments. As an employer I would have no confidence that you would actually start in May. With the summer holidays looming transition to school, the need for wrap around childcare. I could see the can being kicked down the road again I would mark you as not committed to the job and move on to someone else who is
If you want this job you need to recognise the employers needs and offer something. As previous posters have suggested maybe a phased build up to 80% working in the office could be proposed from September or some other form of flexibility. You need to look like you actually want the job and are keen to start in some form

This is what I would do (and have)

Unless this is all some kind of joke I'm mainly flummoxed as to why OP would accept the job knowing it's 80% in the office when she really wants mostly WFH, and even more so about expecting them to wait nearly a year for her to start

In the current cliimate working parents have struggles enough, OP, so please don't disadvantage them any further ... just withdraw gracefully, saying you made a mistake

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