For making dd16 move?

So if I read this right she will have 4 days a week spare ? How much would you need her to contribute from a part time job to enable you both to remain in your home ? I know it's not ideal when she will see other young adults being fully supported by parents. How mature is she and how do you feel about it ? Personally I'm an advocate of having young adults learn to contribute asap but not everyone agrees with that.

Ultimately it’s not her choice.

Tell her you’ve heard her, you know she is upset and worried and does not want to move.

Tell her this is your decision - you pay for the house, you know the most about your finances, and you are making the choice about what is going to be the best for both of you. This is a decision for the bill-payer, not a discussion or negotiation.

Reiterate how you will reduce the impact on her (season ticket etc), that you believe this is for the best, and then let her get on with sulking/processing for a while.

OP, she is allowed to be upset about it and probably needs time to think about it. I'd be compassionate and sympathetic about that, without giving in on the finances if it's just not doable for you to stay.

Yes but with the caveat that the OP has to understand how hard this will be for the daughter. How can she make it easier? Promise to drive her to see friends at weekends? Find a way to stay at the same college? Find a compromise… a nice ish house 20 mins away?

Have to say I agree with this. She's still going to be within commuting distance of her college and friends. I am very surprised at the number of people who think that a 16 year old being inconvenienced by a longer commute trumps her parent's concrete financial limits and inability to continue to pay her mortgage.

In the end preserving the financial stability and housing of your family is non negotiable so she will have to accept it even if its non ideal. If she is only going in 3 days a week its really not that bad. Also, 100% it is about the boyfriend.

Move and be happy or lose your home.

Yep.
When she pays- she gets to decide.,

I think all you can do is manage her feelings as best as you can because obviously keeping a roof over your heads has to be the priority. Don't dismiss how she feels, being able to come and go to see friends and boyfriends is always going to be preferable to having to get a lift from mum and a commute to college isn't going to be life enhancing. Just try to get through it.

Is dad local? Can she stay with him while she is at college?

Can you and daughter share a bedroom and rent out the other room to a lodger? Would that help you pay the bills for now?

Given that if may take a year from now to selling, could you rent something tiny in a bad area while she finishes the second year of the course?

If neither of these work then you have to move. Can she delay starting college until you move? I know technically she should be in education but as far as I hear and read on mumsnet....no one checks.

She was never going to be happy.
I think you stick to fact, whilst acknowledging her feelings.
We have stayed here whilst you finished school. In Sept I am putting the house on the market because we can't afford the mortgage. Once the house is sold, I will be looking for our new home. It is likely to be in X. That means that you will have to go into college on the train. I get that you are not happy but we will take it one step at a time.
Grit your teeth and do it.

I would move if the commute is under and hour then it will be fine. I commuted to college an hour. Actually I commuted to school in an hour too.
The course is two years and I take it you wouldnt be able to afford to move now and then move again in two years. The house is much more long term than that.
The other option would be to rent your current property out and rent somewhere cheaper for two years.

How long is the train journey? How regular are the trains? It sounds like you don't have any choice but to move. It is understandable that your daughter is upset. Every part of her life is changing at the moment. However she is only going to be in college for two more years and then could move away. Her relationship may or may not work out. I would not be buying in an area I did not want to live. You need to think of the long-term as well.

Acknowledging her daughter’s feelings is one thing. Allowing that to dictate house moves and financial decisions is another matter.

Of course the financial issues are paramount, but that doesn’t mean disregarding the feelings of her daughter. You can make a hard, unpopular choice while recognising the impact on others and having empathy for them.

I mean you've picked the shittest time ever to announce this.

Really? Shittier than if she'd announced it in the middle of GCSEs?

If 16yos are old enough to vote, they are old enough to understand and experience the realities of adult life and adult decisions. Otherwise what do they base their voting decisions on?

Stop all the pandering conversations. Tell her she's 16 years old and has no say in the matter. You've done what's needed to enable her to stay at the same college and that's that.

It’s immaterial whether she says ‘ok, sure’ - the adult here needs to be able to pay a mortgage and put a roof over her head. Why are you acting as though DD needs consulting on decisions like this, or needs to give her seal of approval? Her boyfriend isn’t a consideration here either. OP needs to make the decision she thinks best and tell DD what will be happening. It’s not a discussion as though DD is an equal player, she’s not. DD can figure it out from there. She’s a teenager with agency and can travel if she wants to visit friends. OP’s financial concerns are paramount here.

Can't you hang in there for 2 more years?

45 miles is a lot to do both ends of the day. Realistically how long will her commute take each way, factoring in walking time, and a margin for getting on to the platform without it being a mad rush?
How frequent are the trains - i.e. how much of her morning lectures will she miss if her regular train is cancelled?
How safe is the walk to/from the station at each end for a 16 year old to do on her own in the dark in winter, if some weirdo notices she takes the same train every night?
Would she be better off deferring, working a temp job for a few months, and starting college in the new town next year, or is she likely to go off the rails a bit (sorry no pun intended) in the meantime?

It’s 45 miles, not 45 minutes. I get that you have no choice @Clarasmum444 but really you can’t expect her to be happy about it. Moving 45 miles away from her friends, her college and her boyfriend is a huge disruption. Realistically commuting to college is going to add hours onto her day, and her friendships will start to fall by the wayside and if she’s commuting to college there will be limited options for making new friends where she lives.

If there’s no option but to move, then that’s what needs to happen but you need to accept that will have a huge impact on your daughter that she’s entitled to have her feelings about.

The timing does seem monumentally bad for her. Are there really no alternatives for the next two years of college?

Taking a lodger in your current home? Renting your house out and renting somewhere smaller for you and DD? Mortgage break (obviously not for the full two years)? Her getting a PT job and contributing financially?

What are you basing your assessment of the bad area on? Do you know anyone who lives there? Does your dd?

She’s already said she can continue to go to the same college but will need to commute