For making dd16 move?

Exactly. She tried. It was to much for her.
As an adult you should be able to understand the role of adults and that a single 16 year old isnt the most important part of a family. She had a life as well and more to do than you.

OP, if you have to move for financial reasons, then you have no choice and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it.

If DD's relationship becomes more serious, then she will probably end up staying at her boyfriends on her college days. She may move in with him completely, my friend's daughter did.

You have to do what is right for you financially and DD just has to work around it. I get that it is sad for her, but you don't have a choice.

i am not hinting am explaining my point of view - its an open forum for everyone - people are explaining different point of views and their opinions
I dont resent my parents for moving a lot - i resent them moving when i was 16 as this is where it had a huge impact on my life. I was promissed noting would change that they would bring me to school to see friends etc , Just like the OP is saying to her daughter, IT DIDNT HAPPEN! It was too much for my mother, i lost friends and struggled because of it

That's fine if you have the luxury of choice. OP's not moving for the heck of it. She doesn't have a choice. If anyone should be held as the bad guy her it's the child's father who is forcing this situation.

I must have missed to the bit where I claimed to know your life inside out.

Again, massive overreaction on your part.

Life must be so difficult when you get this worked up over things. It’s moving house. Big deal. Worse things happen. No one’s died.

Can you stop trying to make this all about you. Your life was completely different. It's not helpful.

OP it can't be helped,.sometimes it just is what it is, shit all round. Unless your DD has a solution then it's got to be done and you need to make the best decision that you can, her not wanting to move is understandable and in hindsight you probably should have done it sooner but it's done. You're just going to have to get on with it, be as understanding as you can be to her distress, ire etc. bite your tongue and crack on.

At 16 she should be made aware of the decision at play, she should have some gratitude to the one parent who is doing everything in their power to hold shit together and as a result of understanding how shit the situation is and that her little teen angst isn't actually relevant be as supportive and helpful as possible as her options are fuck all.

It’s not similar at all. You moved around a lot, and resented your parents for it. OP’s DD hasn’t and yet you’re projecting all your negative feelings onto OP’s particular situation. Don’t hint that this could negatively impact her relationship with her DD in the future- that’s really low. OP isn’t your parent - don’t use her as a proxy for your feelings towards your parents.

It depends on the commute. Could be an easy drive/train trip, could not be. We can't tell without knowing the locations. 🙄

Really ??? You know my life inside and out ?
My mother when she moved told me that all the driving to see my friends etc when we moved - said it had a huge impact on her health and caused huge rows and issues
the op is making promises to her daughter to commute etc in the hope that makes her come around to moving when in reality once they move the commute becomes a hindrance and inconvenience and affects their day to day lives
There are posts on here every day nearly about how people struggle with commute to work, seeing parents once moving etc

That's pretty rough (assuming you didn't have an affair or anything like that).
Young people are usually more adaptable than you think. I hope it works out, she should be fine and from what you have said it seems you are making sensible choices with limited options.

It would be much easier if she was 6! I agree about getting the Dd involved in the planning but ultimately the 45min away move sounds non-moveable so it’s hard to see what the DD can have control over.

God people are acting like you're moving half way across the world. She hasn't even got to change college FFS.

If you can’t afford it, you have to move. She will eventually understand that, but right now she doesn’t have the life experience.

Move to the safe place that you can afford.

I think in some parts similar - i was explaining how i felt as a 16 year old moving and still remember it long into adulthood. Sometimes adults done make the best decisions and that has impact on life and also can have impact on their relationship with their children.

“You don’t know how tough commuting is on life”

This is just laughable! Talk about an overreaction….

If you have to move to manage, you have to move, it's that simple. A life lesson for DD. Sometimes you do things you don't want to because you have to. Her father should be putting her first and helping her stay where she is for the next two years.

So your childhood was nothing like OP’s situation then, and is irrelevant to the discussion.

Sympathise with daughter’s feelings, sure. But adults have to make decisions that they feel are best for themselves and their children. They aren’t obligated to run themselves into the ground financially so their children suffer no inconvenience. OP has to move, so DD will have to suck it up.

No similar as i was same age op Daughter and it was longest we lived in the one house by time i was that age, i am explaining how i felt as a 16 years old having to move and still remember it - how is that so hard to understand ???????
Also now Op has updated she also commuting too - you dont know how tough commuting is on life
Good points @KatherineParr

Ah yes. That will help the DD. Pointing out that neither parent can provide her with stability... I'm sure that will make her feel much better!

She’s 16, not 6.
OP should be able to have a rational chat with her, explain the finances and SHOW her that the move is the best option for both of them. Make her a part of the solution rather than dictating, and she’ll be fine.
Kids only struggle when they feel like their life is out of their control.

Just out of curiosity. Is her father being over backwards? Stressing himself over this? Or it is just on you?

If she gets particularly stroppy id point out to both that he is a plan B and should have equal demands.