For making dd16 move?

What a strangley useless and terrible comment.

Part time job 😂 in education. When OP has clearly stated the financial struggles she's facing.

My God some of you need to start exploring comedy.

But in two years DD will have finished local education and can forge her own path/leave for uni. It would make far more sense (and if for some reason she WANTS to stay, it will give her the incentive to leave the nest!!). You can also get a smaller house then.

I would perhaps get legal advice if he's not willing to contribute to addressing repairs in the house or paying for it's upkeep, I'd find out if he's entitled to less. He sounds like an arsehole.

If you can't afford to stay where you are then you have no choice but to move. I understand that it is upsetting for your daughter but, as the parent and the one earning the money, you need to make the final decision.

That just doesn't make sense OP. How can house prices be so high in the ghetto you're describing?

Nails it.

Yeah I'm sure... It sounds like you are doing a lot right and are trying to make it work for her. If you have had the conversation and reached the compromise that should be the end of it. 45 miles is a long way, both for the commute and the BF.

Best of luck with your job hunting and your new life in LovelyTown. The brave things are not the easy ones.

At 16 I doubt whether her contribution would make enough difference. Where I live, around 10 miles difference would double the price of my house, its all about location.

What a strangely aggressive comment.
If dd is so keen to stay, she could get a part time job and contribute to the household finances.
One thing I am sure of is that there won't just be the two options the OP has given. They need to look for a compromise. And give Dd some time to process - she might come around.

Sometimes all the choices are shit choices. All you can do is choose the least shit choice. I hope you can get your daughter to understand this.

Life isn't perfect and sometimes you do what you have to do. If not now, one day DD should understand.

You financing that big guns?

I had to move half way through 6th form. Long commute by train thereafter until I moved for uni.
It was a financial/work related move for my parents too and taught me that sometimes you have to live by your means however tough it is.
I'd not move to a horrible part of town as you'll struggle to sell in 2 years.
Sounds like you've stayed put for 4 years so she could finish high school and she's known this will happen. She will probably spend quite a bit of time staying at freinds now in the old town. But if you have to move then you have to.

She can’t afford it.

A lot of people are reading "45 minutes" but this is 45 MILES so totally uprooting DD for a potentially 1-2 hour train journey just to see her friends.

OP, you'd only have to leave this another 18 months. I would do anything to give her stability.

It's hard to see how shit-area house is more expensive than nice house/area + dog sitters + petrol + annual railcard.

I would stay put for the year or two of college. And until dd could get her driving licence.

if it was just shit then maybe but the OP says its unsafe. I don't think that 16 yo's generally are capable of making safety judgements.

It sounds like it's simply not optional. It's understandable, even reasonable that she is acting out and doing everything she can to stop you moving. Without underestimating the impact AT ALL, if it has to happen it has to happen.

I'm mystified though that you are moving so far away and not moving her college. This sounds like one of those situations where the compromise makes you both miserable and you'd be better either closer, to reduce the commute, or further and accepting the change of college.

Sixth form is such a weird time. Two years somewhere new and then a lot of them move away anyway. It's discombobulating for them all even if they are not moving house. But 18 year olds with boyfriends still go away to uni. Maybe encourage her to think of this like the start of uni, but happening early, and try to move colleges and set up a long distance structure with BF. It might help her to think with him about planning to go to the same uni in 2 years (if that is what they want).

Also everyone can have 3 years' funding at college. It would not be the end of the world if she tried college with the commute - or a college local to the new house - this year and it didn't work out. She could start A level/BTEC courses again in 2026 somewhere else. I would try to normalise with her that it's OK if plan A doesn't work, there will be another way.

You think your mother didn't lose friends and have to make sacrifices when you moved?

If it was their choice, then I can understand you feel negative about it. If it was necessity, then you'll have to grow up and realise that your parents did the best they could with the resources they had.

I feel for you but I don’t see how you are being unreasonable at all; it’s a difficult situation and you’re doing what you have to do. Of course she’s upset at the idea of moving but she’s too young to understand your situation properly; that’s why she’s giving you a hard time. Sounds like you’re accommodating her as best you can. Good luck with the move.