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AIBU?

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Original poster

To politely ask next door's kids to be a bit quieter after nine?

33 replies

sorryitsaneighboursone · 14/08/2025 23:47

Sorry, another kids in summer holidays one.

Asking because I may be a bit out of touch as we haven't had school age kids as neighbours for a while.

1960s Terraced houses. Tiny back gardens, slightly bigger front gardens.
We've lived here 20+ years since DC were at primary.
New family with 4 kids moved in next door a few months ago.
Previously was let out to students by buy to let landlord for about 10 years prior to selling up earlier this year.
Before that owned by elderly lady who'd lived there since houses were built and raised family there.

When they first move in, kids would occasionally kick balls into our garden, I told them just to come in and get them as long as they came in the gate and not climb over the dyke/fence.

All OK until this week. Coming home I have chucked balls, shoes and various toys back into their back garden. Yesterday, they kicked a ball into our back garden 3 times in 10 minutes, 1st time we let it go, 2nd time, DH went out and asked them to mind our plants, we have planters along our side of the dyke. Third time was after the kids had a spat and one took a bad-tempered kick that knocked an ornament over and broke it. It was a cheap resin one and already cracked but DH went out and told them it had to stop, showed them the ornament and asked if their parents were in, they weren't. He wasn't going to actually get the kids in trouble just wanted to make them think. Kid mumbled sorry.

DH gets up at 4am as works 6am - 2pm so goes to bed at 9pm, tonight at around 9.15 kids next door come out and start playing football against their shed and shrieking and shouting. I opened back door and very politely said "Could you play a little bit quieter, please" which, to be fair they did.

Sorry TL:DR -

New family next door - should they tone it down or am I being a Grumpy Old Cow.

YABU - Kids will be kids, cut them some slack
YANBU - Report to Social Services NOW.

OP posts:
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PixieTales · 15/08/2025 19:58

Eenameenadeeka · 15/08/2025 02:32

I don't think you're unreasonable, but I don't think children should ever be allowed to shriek outside. It's awful. We had neighbors who allowed their children to scream all day every day and if they were being attacked we wouldn't have known because it would have sounded like any other day over there.

I agree, I don’t understand where this normalisation of children screaming and screeching outdoors has come from.

It’s completely antisocial.

Springtimehere · 15/08/2025 02:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

numbfromlife · 15/08/2025 02:46

Send their parents the bill for anything they break. If you hit them where it hurts I'm sure they will make their children be more careful.

coxesorangepippin · 15/08/2025 02:44

I'm personally of the school that kids need to be indoors by 8pm, but this seems to be the minority.

Yes, it's fine to tell them off.

Eenameenadeeka · 15/08/2025 02:32

I don't think you're unreasonable, but I don't think children should ever be allowed to shriek outside. It's awful. We had neighbors who allowed their children to scream all day every day and if they were being attacked we wouldn't have known because it would have sounded like any other day over there.

Peaceisenough · 15/08/2025 00:36

sorryitsaneighboursone · 15/08/2025 00:20

OK - In very Un-Mumsnetty spirit I accept I ABVU.

Just realised the time so Goodnight all and thanks for your responses.

Good luck, try not to get too stressed.

Imnotgonnamiss · 15/08/2025 00:34

Honestly I don’t think it’s awful of them
to be out playing (even noisily) at 9 and I also think there is nothing wrong with you politely asking if they can keep it down as you OH is sleeping. If you AIBU is as the title (is it ok to ask them to be quieter after 9) then YANBU but if it’s more saying AIBU to think they should never be playing out at that time in the first place (which your other posts seem to suggest is your thinking) then YABU - at least a bit. Particularly knowing your OH is getting up and leaving in the morning very early so likely also disturbs people sometimes (& at an hour far more would normally be sleeping)

GiveItAGoMalcom · 15/08/2025 00:26

PixieTales · 15/08/2025 00:19

Seriously?
If you are going to pretend to be that dense then it’s because the majority of adults work
during the week Monday-Friday. (Brand new information for you I’m sure) Of course it’s antisocial for noise to occur in the evening of a week night as opposed to a weekend.

Show quote history

I genuinely think anyone who read my post and then this reply to it from you, will draw their own conclusions about which one of us is 'dense'.

Well over 8 million people in the UK work at weekends.

If you expect people to keep it down at 9pm in the week for that reason, you should expect the same for weekend workers or risk others seeing you as dense.

DinoLil · 15/08/2025 00:24

I had this and my parents have it now.

Set a rule that anything that comes over will be popped back over the fence just one day a week. Don't allow them in your garden, your private space. If they can't be careful with their belongings, they just have to wait. Its not always convenient to go rushing out out to return toys.

Any toys over the fence will be returned on X day a week. That's just it. Job done. If they don't like it, they'll be more careful. And this is from a DM of two DS, tiny garden, football mad, never lost a ball because I told them to be respectful. Although I did break the window in my shed when I was playing with them. Ooops. Yeah, hmmmmm, they're in their 20s now and they haven't let me forget it because I was so strict on that they should be careful!

GiveItAGoMalcom · 15/08/2025 00:22

sorryitsaneighboursone · 15/08/2025 00:17

@TSMWEL

My neighbours the other side leave at 5am, for some reason they have to open and slam shut every door on their car, plus the boot. Thing is, they've done this every weekday for the past 10 years so if it even registers with me, I just think, "Oh, there's John taking Mary to work", roll over and go back to sleep. It happens at the same time every morning for about 2 minutes, it's predictable and not even that loud. A bit like your neighbours and their gravel.

Being half asleep and next door's kids come out and start shrieking like their being murdered is a different ball of fish.

So it's ok for neighbours of 10 years standing to make noise, but not for anyone new?

This has got far more to do with your lack of tolerance and what you're used to hearing, than it has to do with this family.

Original poster
sorryitsaneighboursone · 15/08/2025 00:20

OK - In very Un-Mumsnetty spirit I accept I ABVU.

Just realised the time so Goodnight all and thanks for your responses.

OP posts:
PixieTales · 15/08/2025 00:19

GiveItAGoMalcom · 15/08/2025 00:06

If this is how you feel, then why a 'week night'?

Why not every night given the amount of people who work at weekends?

Show quote history

Seriously?
If you are going to pretend to be that dense then it’s because the majority of adults work
during the week Monday-Friday. (Brand new information for you I’m sure) Of course it’s antisocial for noise to occur in the evening of a week night as opposed to a weekend.

Original poster
sorryitsaneighboursone · 15/08/2025 00:17

@TSMWEL

My neighbours the other side leave at 5am, for some reason they have to open and slam shut every door on their car, plus the boot. Thing is, they've done this every weekday for the past 10 years so if it even registers with me, I just think, "Oh, there's John taking Mary to work", roll over and go back to sleep. It happens at the same time every morning for about 2 minutes, it's predictable and not even that loud. A bit like your neighbours and their gravel.

Being half asleep and next door's kids come out and start shrieking like their being murdered is a different ball of fish.

OP posts:
Peaceisenough · 15/08/2025 00:17

sorryitsaneighboursone · 15/08/2025 00:09

OK, seems I am BU then, fair enough. Ironically we'd already planned to put fencing up along the dyke that separates our gardens when the house was vacant but put it off when they moved in as we didn't want it to look like a response to them personally but I suppose we can use the balls/broken ornaments as a reason if they mention it.

I am surprised though that the majority of responses so far think that late-evening shrieking is normal, but heigh-ho.

Hopefully it will calm down again when they’re back at school. My advice though is be friendly with them, ask them about their day/hobbies. It might sound counterproductive but if you make yourself a target they will love it and you’ll never get any peace.

Hiptothisjive · 15/08/2025 00:15

sorryitsaneighboursone · 15/08/2025 00:09

OK, seems I am BU then, fair enough. Ironically we'd already planned to put fencing up along the dyke that separates our gardens when the house was vacant but put it off when they moved in as we didn't want it to look like a response to them personally but I suppose we can use the balls/broken ornaments as a reason if they mention it.

I am surprised though that the majority of responses so far think that late-evening shrieking is normal, but heigh-ho.

9:15 late evening - 😂

GiveItAGoMalcom · 15/08/2025 00:14

sorryitsaneighboursone · 15/08/2025 00:09

OK, seems I am BU then, fair enough. Ironically we'd already planned to put fencing up along the dyke that separates our gardens when the house was vacant but put it off when they moved in as we didn't want it to look like a response to them personally but I suppose we can use the balls/broken ornaments as a reason if they mention it.

I am surprised though that the majority of responses so far think that late-evening shrieking is normal, but heigh-ho.

No-one has said it's normal but it is part of normal terraced house living.

The same as bbqs, wood burners and people like your husband starting his car engine and shutting his car door in the very early morning.

Rusalina · 15/08/2025 00:14

I’ve lived on several streets where children would play out in the street until around 9:30-10 in the summer, it never occurred to me that this was too late. I think it’s fine tbh - and I say that as someone who would very frequently have to get my babies/toddlers back to sleep after they were woken by laughing and playing outside!

Hiptothisjive · 15/08/2025 00:13

sorryitsaneighboursone · 15/08/2025 00:00

@Hiptothisjive

Ok. Personally I think up till around 7-8pm ish is fine for loud/screechie play but after that, I'd expect kids to tone it down a bit, even in summer. No problem with laughing/talking at a normal level but this was full on slamming/shrieking.

Because that suits you and those are your hours which is fine. Again, most working people won’t have to wake up at 4 in the morning so unfortunately this is your situation. No in summer kids are off school and bedtimes have probably gone out the window a bit. Nothing they are doing is a problem or an issue it just doesn’t suit you and you don’t like it (which is fine) so then being quiet is to suit you not because of anything they are doing wrong and that’s the difference:

BluntPlumHam · 15/08/2025 00:13

They shouldn’t be throwing stuff in your garden repeatedly. The parents need to tell them off. The occasional ball but if it’s constantly going over then it’s time to go play in a park or field for a proper game.

As for the shouting etc if it’s just being loud playful then there’s not much you can do as it’s summer holidays etc if they’re screeching and banging as you described then their parents need to step in and tell them to lower their voices.

Also it is their garden so they can be out as long as they want but I do think after certain point noise levels need to come down.

Hiptothisjive · 15/08/2025 00:13

sorryitsaneighboursone · 15/08/2025 00:00

@Hiptothisjive

Ok. Personally I think up till around 7-8pm ish is fine for loud/screechie play but after that, I'd expect kids to tone it down a bit, even in summer. No problem with laughing/talking at a normal level but this was full on slamming/shrieking.

Because that suits you and those are your hours which is fine. Again, most working people won’t have to wake up at 4 in the morning so unfortunately this is your situation. No in summer kids are off school and bedtimes have probably gone out the window a bit. Nothing they are doing is a problem or an issue it just doesn’t suit you and you don’t like it (which is fine) so then being quiet is to suit you not because of anything they are doing wrong and that’s the difference:

Original poster
sorryitsaneighboursone · 15/08/2025 00:09

OK, seems I am BU then, fair enough. Ironically we'd already planned to put fencing up along the dyke that separates our gardens when the house was vacant but put it off when they moved in as we didn't want it to look like a response to them personally but I suppose we can use the balls/broken ornaments as a reason if they mention it.

I am surprised though that the majority of responses so far think that late-evening shrieking is normal, but heigh-ho.

OP posts:
TSMWEL · 15/08/2025 00:09

It’s still light at 9.15 here. Our neighbours have a gravel driveway and their leaving at 5am is noisy, with windows open in this hot weather am I to ask them to park on the road? No, I just accept that living near others presents these issues.

GiveItAGoMalcom · 15/08/2025 00:06

PixieTales · 15/08/2025 00:05

I completely disagree with PP.
Just because their on summer holidays doesn’t mean adults are. I think 9pm is a very reasonable cut off time to be going inside and not shouting in the garden on a weeknight.

If this is how you feel, then why a 'week night'?

Why not every night given the amount of people who work at weekends?

Livingthebestlife · 15/08/2025 00:05

sorryitsaneighboursone · 14/08/2025 23:55

The SS bit was a joke. I get what you're saying about the netting and we do actually intend to have some proper fencing on top of the dyke but we haven't needed it in 20 years so why should it be on us. I'm really just venting as I don't want to come across as "that" neighbour.

Sorry 😳 sometimes I am not sure when people are joking or not on here.

The netting I mentioned I meant suggest it to them to get for their garden.

Pinkchilli · 15/08/2025 00:05

I don’t think yabu! I don’t let my school age kids out late as they are winding down/ in bed. I wouldn’t allow them to play loudly at that time