To think we are going to be broken into or worse

I would talk to him honestly about this, like an adult but a firm parental adult

Then go through his friend list and remove most of them just keep the ones you know, local ones.

As a starter

Explain, again, people who like you because of what money they think you have are not friends.

Ask him how many others share their houses and ovation on there? Get him to read online material about online safety with you show him it’s not just you nagging it’s important.

Tell him you want him to have contacts and fun but for a while you need to see his messages because he needs to learn these skills still as everyone does.

Absolutely confiscate his phone. It's for everyone's protection. This is terribly sad to read, I feel for all involved xx

Goodness OP! You really have got your head in the sand with this one. He is putting himself and all of your family at risk. The online scammers will see him coming a mile off. If they haven’t already. You need to take the phone away. Explain why, because he’s just not getting it. Get another adult/family friend/ relative to have a chat with him if he doesn’t listen to you. He needs to be assessed for ASD and counselling/education to help him understand social cues and how to stop being so gullible. He sounds incredibly vulnerable and it’s horrifying to think what he could be sharing online.

i can’t quite believe you’ve let it get to this stage without getting him a proper assessment for autism and the support he clearly desperately needs. Insist harder or pay privately.

You need to remove his phone. and make him understand.

Putting the risk of a break-in aside for a moment, your ds is a making himself a prime candidate for extortion (persuading him to send intimate images, then blackmail).

He will be a target for every romance scammer out there and as a vulnerable adult he is putting himself, personally, at risk.

Removing his phone is the only responsible thing to do.

From your first post I thought he sounds autistic. You need to do things urgently. Firstly, book him a private assessment asap. I’m unclear why you gave left it so long to do this but perhaps you have good reason. Secondly, get him off the internet. He is exhibiting dangerous behaviour as a vulnerable young adult and you need to protect him (and yourselves). Whether he thinks this is reasonable or not is irrelevant.

Book an assessment privately, there is no need for the NHS if you can afford it. His assessment will be accepted. Ask GP for a referral.
Most small children learn about stranger danger, they treat the Internet the same as the man with sweets or selling puppies.
Plus you'll have bigger problems if he interacts with younger girls on snap chat or groomers.

Have you ever had him put through an assessment? He comes across as vulnerable and gullible. A bit more than just immaturity.
I'd make him delete the account, he is irresponsible, not ready for SM.

Not sure if it’s been mentioned upthread but please check that his location is off. It sounds as though he may have his live location being shared.

ND kids may be up to 30% delayed in some areas of development.

so you need to act as if he is not 17yo. But say more like 13yo.

you need to encourage real life interactions w kids you approve of.
and take control of the phone. Reduce access to SM. Delete Snapchat.

speak to school. GP. Police. For advice.

And consider a private and urgent ND assessment.

your Child sounds very vulnerable and needs more boundaries and much more support. He cannot be allowed out on his own I’d he is this vulnerable and he shouldn’t be allowed into the far reaches of the web on his own.

best of luck.

I'm a pretty laid back person and don't tend to catastrophize very often but I genuinely think I'd be considering moving house if this was me.

I never normally comment on threads but I must let you know that on Snapchat once you add friends they are able to see your whereabouts on a map on the app. Make sure this setting is off ASAP!

Take away his phone.
Ask police for a safety visit re burglar alarms.
Ask for a community police person to speak to your son regarding on line safety.
Get burglar alarms fitted.

At the risk of coming across patronising, children know not to give out their address to strangers. This is really alarming behaviour and I'd be taking the phone away for safety measures and try and educate him in the meantime why you are doing it.

I haven't read the full thread yet but is your son neuro diverse in some way? It seems really shocking that a 17yo has no concept of safety or money if not.

Honestly, I'd take his phone off him. Cancel his contract if you pay for it and reply to as many of the messages as you can saying something like "haha can't believe you fell for that!". I'd also get a ring doorbell, an alarm system and CCTV if you can afford or don't have them already. Double down on security too, double check windows and door locks etc. Don't leave your keys in the back of the door.

Then you need to start drilling into DS what a dangerous thing he's done and make sure he doesn't get his phone back until he's mature enough to have it.

do you mean he has been refused assessment up until now or that they assessed and did not diagnose anything? He really needs help now as he sounds very vulnerable and you are all at risk from this.

I know it’s not the point of your thread, but I think you should pursue an assessment privately. He sounds like he could be quite vulnerable in the future.

I'm sorry OP, I know you're concerned about cutting him off from his "friend" network but these people aren't his friends. They're just random people who may not even be nice.
Take the phone away untill he understands how to use it safely.
And install a house alarm.

If he has no common sense you need to either stop his access to these apps or supervise his access since he can't be trusted. Even clued up adults get cat fished and he's a prime target since he's vulnerable and eager to please. There are lots of ways he could be exploited and he's endangering the household.

He isn't accepting your concerns / understanding them.
Removing his phone is essential for the security of all. His rights don't over-rule yours in this.

Is there someone else he would respect who could add to your voice?

He needs education!

All of this is absolutely correct. The phone needs to be removed for everyone’s safety.

Does he have any SEN? It sounds as though this goes beyond having difficulty making friends.

Fuck's sake. He can't see it as reasonable because he has no clue how to safely use social media or the internet. Is that a good reason to let him carry on?

It's irrelevant at this point how he sees this, as his behaviour has created a risk that now needs drastic measures to mitigate. One of those measures is removal of his phone. Reasonableness left the station a long time ago, he doesnt get to compare your reaction to his risky behaviour in the same framework. He's not forgetting to do his homework or not tidying his room here, he's inviting an entire app cohort to your house potentially.