To think we are going to be broken into or worse

This is incredibly immature for a 17 year old. He should 100% have the common sense to know better at his age. This

Sell and move asap. You are all vulnerable now.

It doesn’t matter how he views your actions. You are the parent and the responsible adult. Stop tip toeing around your son because you’re scared to upset him and be a parent.

You should have full parental control over his phone. He should know that you can look at it any time you deem necessary. No phones in bedrooms rule.

You should be sitting down and watching Internet safety videos together and discussing them.

You should be getting him out into the real world and helping him socialise by taking him to group events and clubs.

Do more.

So what if he doesn't see it as reasonable? Who's the adult here?

I still remember the bollocking I got for revealing my village and my first name on a forum profile page (I was probably in about Y9).

At least I was able to completely delete that post from that website, you can’t delete from people’s heads.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but he is 17(!) and sounds like he is completely detached from real life and severely lacks life experience.
Can we just skip the usual ND excuses and focus on him acting in an absolutely self centred fashion? He is clearly not interested in your and your family’s concerns because he has dismissed them, so I’m not sure what you think it will achieve if you try to make him worried for his younger siblings.
The only thing that would get through to him is if you tell him that he’d lose all respect and admiration once people realise that he has been lying, and that his lies can be exposed as easily as someone driving by the house. I actually can’t believe that you are not absolutely fuming at his selfishness and stupidity and that you have been so passive.

I doubt the police would intervene, but its clear he doesn't understand the impact of what he's doing or parasocial relationshipa and he clearly seems to have ASD and whilst that presents differently and some teens with ASD function at a level for their age others don't and won't understand the danger of something like that. Someone online could easily manipulate him because he's very naive about other people, I would taking him to the GP and also emailing all of his old teachers in the summer and asking them to do any forms or write even a couple of paragraphs on their observations and experiences of him to strengthen any assesment process and then you can collate them. I'd email the schools SENCO and his HOY (especially if they were the same person for a while), they'll still have his school file, you can do an SAR request if you want anything specific or any notes on his record and then you can ask them do fill anything in, after speaking to the GP to see what they'll need.

I second this. - potentially some form of SEND at play here. He seems particularly vulnerable and/or naive and not really ready to use social media yet. Also seems to have a very fixed mindset about what he perceives to be right and wrong and unable to distinguish between “friends” and random strangers on the internet. Quite worrying for his safety.

I agree with removing his devices for now. Best of luck OP.

He needs an assessment, urgently, he’s probably missed out on resources and assistance in education that could have helped him. Quite astonished that he’s not been assessed before.

His lack of critical thinking and absolute naivety is shocking here.

Secondly, I’d log this with police and make them aware, to see if a flag could be put on a property in case of anything happening. I’d highly doubt they’d have the resource, but a copper having a chat with him might just stop him.

If all else fails, take him bloody phone away! Parent him!

As a teacher, I was reading your initial post thinking he is on the spectrum. This actually helps you because now you have even more reason to take back YOUR phone YOU let him use (please folks, never 'give' a child a phone - lend them yours, that way you can take it back when needed).
There is a great app called LockMeOut which you can install to block apps and websites, set time limits etc. Add a password which means he cannot override the settings. Once installed, give him back the phone and make it clear that as long as he cannot be trusted to keep your family safe, he will be monitored.
Do you have home security? If not, put some CCTV up inside the hallways and outside, it will show him how worried you are about home security.

'he just thinks he is being honest with people'

He's only been 'honest' about the location, though, not about the family being millionaires. Would he be open to this being pointed out?

I do feel for all of you. I hope this gets sorted out and that your son finds some real friends.

I would be more worried about the danger he is putting himself in than the risk of burglary - in that I don't think the risk of burglary will be significantly increased.

You have a large house in the country that's visible to anyone passing, visible on Google maps etc. Potential burglars are likely to assume that a large house in good condition has something in it worth stealing, whether or not someone is boasting about it on social media.

Your son's boasting is probably being taken with a pinch of salt - SM is awash with people trying to appear affluent - and sending a house location means diddly squat - I could send someone the location of a massive house near me (or even not near me) and say I lived there and it was full of diamonds and 24 carat gold - but I don't!

How have you let this get to this point? Utter negligence. You’re the parent. He is the child.

OP have you seen that recent documentary on Netflix about a girl who was having a small party (her 16th possibly I can't remember exactly ) and thousands of people turned up due to the location being advertised on social media. I think it was in The Netherlands, it got way out of hand !

Might be worth a watch.

I would also ban his phone.

I would remove his phone and cancel his contract when its due. The family's safety is more important than his "socialising". He doesn't need a phone, generations of people survived just fine without one.he needs to join a local sports club e.g. football/rugby/basketball and socialise that way to make real friends. What he's doing isn't making friends, he is welcoming potential thieves/kidnappers to come to the home. He's living in a fantasy because he thinks people will like him more.

if you are in middle of nowhere, I doubt it's convenient for many people to get there.

For someone burglary minded, there must be much better pickings near to their home that don't involve long journeys & reduced time to 'case the joint'. People are literally questioning him because they know people online talk a lot of rubbish. People who tend to burgle are disorganised & dysfunctional else they would have real jobs, they don't have resources to travel far to imaginary places.

No zero risk in life and there's nowt as queer as gullible folk, but I don't think the risk is high of you getting burgled as result of his ... weird brags. The real risk is your son getting scammed by someone out of whatever assets he personally has access to: being persuaded to hand over his bank login details or send cash to strangers, etc.

I don’t care if he thinks it’s excessive tbh.

It's sad isn't it? as it's probably his way of making friends (or so he thinks) He is definitely very immature. I hope you can work this out.

Agree with others, no phone.

You unfortunately can’t do anything about what is already out there but you can prevent anything else going out. It doesn’t really matter whether he thinks it’s excessive, YOU know it is essential.

Your son sounds very vulnerable and I agree with previous posts about removing the phone or locking down certain apps.
They sound very trusting and naive, as they believe that people want to be their friend and are using this as a way to make friends.

I also agree to seek diagnosis, there are then lots of groups with young people with SEN that your son could go along to.

Can you impersonate him on snapchat and tell all his 'friends' he's been having a laugh telling all these tall tales? Think of a purpose for the property that involves lots of men living there full time maybe or a load of older male siblings including a policeman or two still living at home.

Agree with a home safety assessment from the police and if they will to have a serious chat with your son. Install a really good alarm system with a link to a reputable security company to keep an eye on things and a panic alarm. Get some geese the best alarm system in the world!

Why on earth does he have free and unsupervised access to social media when he clearly doesn't have the capacity to keep himself safe online?

Your initisl description makes it sound very likely that he is autistic but obviously that's something for a professional diagnosis. However a lot of the services that exist for helping people with neurodiversity issues to learn appropriate interpersonal skills are open to all even without diagnosis so those should be your starting point.

My 16 yo is AuDHD and is very similar to how you describe but their phone is strictly locked down with parental controls and all the settings set as appropriate for a 10 year old, and with all social media blocked, precisely because we know that the maturity that would enable safe and appropriate online activity without such restrictions is still several years away.

Agree

Op you need to remove his phone - he’s putting himself and everyone at risk. What next? People ask him for nude photos to prove he’s a 17 year old boy and he sends them?

Op I really think you need push for a diagnosis and support as this is so not normal behaviour or judgment of a 17 year old boy - not even a 13 year old.

Op it really doesn’t matter how it is in his eyes. He is incapable of making safe rational decisions . This is where you come in .
It’s went on too long .
Can you also ask the police to have a word with him . ?