To think I’m not a nice person?

I think the first five examples are fine.
I don’t care about them and I don’t feel bad that I don’t. But if somebody else cares about them I will take an interest.

Is that where you got the idea for this thread ?

OP, I found your post refreshingly honest and authentic. (I've read all your posts but not the full thread so apols for any repetition). It seems that you only have so many fucks to give right now (for whatever reason) and you are rightly and rationally assigning them to your friends and family.

The things about a globally connected society with instant news updates is, we are expected to give a fuck about absolutely everything and anything, but it's simply not possible to do that, except in the most superficial way eg issuing solemn Facebook statements when a.n.other celeb dies or a tragedy happens several thousand miles away ("..solidarity").

I am not like you - five mins ago I went to some lengths to rescue and revive a tiny fruit fly that suicided in my tea - but I think you are more rational than I am.

You sound like a nasty arsehole. World would be a better place without your attitude.

@Backinblack2025
I disagree (for above stated reasons of being married to a diagnosed (the rare thing! Narcissist). There are plenty of ways people like this pretend to care (about their own child) but don’t. They are irritated up to irate about people not recognising them as special - that’s the core point. Doesn’t matter what she’s saying to make it sound like PND it won’t be.
And it’s categorically wrong to say narcissistic people don’t care about their behaviour- they don’t in the sense that they’ll probably act on their desires but they calculate how to spin it to gain attention (good or bad) and worry if they overstep about repercussions for things like career or valued friends (who give them lots of what they meant), family (especially the parent who made them feel special- namely do they don’t get “uncovered” to them).

you might be an entitled sociopath, which would explain all the behaviour.

If there are 10 kids who see another kid fall and hurt their knee and cry, 8 will feel varying degrees of compassion and be upset, 1 will be beside themselves with sympathy, and 1 will feel nothing, and maybe even pleasure/satisfaction/amusement.

If this kid also lives a secure life with lots of love and money, then they might grow up to be like you.

Hard to know if your wiring is more conditioned or inherited, but either way, imo you should have been brought up to at least know how important it is to be nice.

It’s not about whether you’re nice or not. It’s about your brain being wired differently. There may well be a professional ‘label’ for it, but that will not change the way you think or act. I’d be more concerned that your lack of caring could hurt others. And, sadly, others may eventually learn to care less about you. You could take your thoughts/words to your gp and ask for help, if you want it. Understanding the reasons for your thinking may be of great help to yourself and others around you.

I don't think it's that you're not a nice person; obviously, you have empathy and compassion for those close to you. However, it seems you struggle to extend that same understanding to people or situations that don't directly affect you. I can understand the issues around gender reveals and all that, but other aspects might be less understandable and unfairly judged. Plenty of people speed up, rush into the toilets when their child needs changing, stand on creatures and not be upset all day ,have no understanding of losing a dog or care about a stranger and not everyone can put themselves in others' shoes.

By the way, I'm still not over my dog dying, and that was eight years ago. Some people understand and get it , while others don’t. It doesn't make them less nice just because they can’t understand it. Also, the world would be a pretty boring place if everyone were the same! 🤷🏻‍♀️😅

The disabled toilet thing is a misnomer I think, everything else was pretty honest but not massively worrying.

Narcissists don’t worry about their behaviour, or allow it to be questioned in any way, so you will never find a narc posting like this.

Someone earlier hit the nail by stating it sounds like compassion fatigue or some sort of PND. She’s clearly feeling brave and saying the quiet stuff out loud. Perhaps a bit of self flagellation.

i don think she sounds like a terribly person but should let the kid with the wet nappy wait.

You sound depressed, OP. It sounds as if you feel angry towards the world, and have decided that there's no point in caring about other people (or insects and animals). Therapy might be helpful for you to figure out why you've changed, and to be sure that you aren't modelling unkind behaviour for your child.

Maybe you are just more honest about your feeling than other people. Many people only really care about close family. It’s not what you feel that would make you a bad person it’s what you do

You are a selfish loser

I haven’t read the full thread but did read all OP’s posts.
I can say if someone behaved towards my profoundly disabled child needing a disabled toilet to change their normal child I’d walk right in there with them - they could decide whether they wanted to see a doubly incontinent non-ambulatory child be changed with them or not.
Narcissists sicken me. To my very core.
Im married to one and this is precisely the kind of self- absorbed bollocks he would spout given the right audience.
Therapy is a waste of money for narcissists.
Live your life OP and when you get your comeuppance I’m sure you’ll recalibrate your lack of feeling.

The hilarious thing here is the nice people are the ones responding with kindness and the ones that think they are nice are telling the OP that they are the devil and should hand any children over to SS immediately.

You sound like a complete cnut and end up alone.

Hi mean, I am not a fan of gender reveal parties either, but each to their own. The other examples may show lack of empathy though and as others have said you might want to look into this. Not sure they make you an awful person though. I probably don't share your examples, but there are other things I do that I think do show a lack of empathy in different ways, certainly when I was younger I was also extremely tackles. I am working on this. In other ways I often have a lot of empathy, but then am at a loss to know what to do to help, which just makes me feel useless.

I assume you want your children to grow up to be likeable caring people, so it might help to examine how you feel and react in these situations. Also, as your children grow up and become more independent, having empathy might help you understand them better and react better to teenage years ect. It is good that you have recognised this and are reflecting on it. Hope all goes well for you.

Please see a therapist. You need to find your happy place again.

Thing is there was no irony to see (ironically)

I was specifically talking about pets.

My own father died after a decades long illness and it took me the best part of a year to feel okay. But he was not 94, and he suffered for a long time.

If a child had cancer for 10 years and died at 19, it’s awful forever and there’s no timeline for that.

But if you have a cat you loved and it dies at 16 then I don’t think you should be grieving to the point others notice it for weeks and weeks.

You sound to have a serious mental health concern

If this is a genuine post you desperately need help. If not, you are an effin psychopath, end of.

At least you recognise that you’re not very nice……many people don’t.

Most the things you mention I feel emotion for. I would let a disabled person go in front of me always, would slow down for the elderly whilst driving (though elderly drivers do drive me nuts some time), I would be upset if I trod on a snail or if someone lost a let I could show sympathy. I don’t like the idea of gender reveals though 😬 and don’t always feel anything towards other peoples children (though I would wish them no harm).

I often think I’m not a nice person because some things I just feel nothing for. I often can’t feel anything for other peoples good news and my reaction to an elderly person dying may be different to most (they were old….we are all going to die). I am autistic and I hate when people assume autistic people have no empathy, I have a lot of empathy, sometimes too much but other times I find it hard to give empathy for a situation I haven’t experienced myself. I don’t think this is the case with OP? OP sounds pretty selfish.

You sound normal-ish & about to be slaughtered by internet fibbers.

How do you feel about your DD?

Could you have some PND?

I’ve know people who’ve had cancer and lived for months or years longer than they thought.
Theres no way people would get over their death in a couple of days.

Even if someone is old, grief does not follow a set time line.
Some people are not sad for weeks or months and then the grief hits them.

We all know that everything and everyone dies, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong to struggle to come to terms with it for more than a couple of days.

I have not cried or gotten sad at any of my family or friends dying.
My friend died when I was 14 and everyone in assembly was in tears including the teachers, apart from me.

I am simply able to grieve without feeling sad.
I just rarely ever cry, even at movies or if I’m in pain etc.

However, my cat died a couple years ago and I still find myself crying about it sometimes.

It is definitely a different kind of grief but I would never judge someone for grieving in the ‘wrong’ way.