To think I’m not a nice person?

She's seeking guidance not attention
She's requesting our views in the hope of improving
We don't even know her true name so it's unjust to suggest it's for attention
&even those whom do seek attention, there's something wrong & they're in need of some help, or they wouldn't seek attention
Cry for help 😢

Yes completely concur with you I also feel she seems really depressed & shut down
I think she's a wounded soul, not a deliberately unkind soul
If she didn't care, she wouldn't have bothered posting 😢

The examples of the elderly person and wheelchair user yes, people often do get very upset about pets but it can be hard to relate to if you don’t have them, the rest are not abnormal IMO.

You sound emotionally immature and selfish person to me who will hasn’t had very much life experience - it’s coming though, as you will invariably get older and you have or use a wheelchair yourself or even get knocked over by a car, you will have a differentiation outlook.

Yes she could come across like she's selfish due to making self fulfilling choices, as a result from some previous deep wounding experiences she's suffered earlier on in her life 😢🙏

This, definitely!

Exactly this. I would 100% pull up some selfish cow barging past a wheelchair user into the disabled bathroom and as much as OP is clearly proud of her "dont give a shit about anyone" ways, you can be sure if someone challenged her she would absolutely back down.

Hopefully the OPs child has other family members and future teachers who will show them not to be such a twat. Because OP wont.

Edited for spelling

You actually sound like you’re really depressed and shut down.
I saw you plan to start therapy, and I hope you get to start soon
you can start to work on it yourself in the meantime

Normal behaviour of 95% of citizens

Attention seeking

I think the fact you’ve started this thread is a good sign OP

Hi OP, you’ve not posted in a while so not sure if you’re still reading replies. But here is my tuppence if you are! Honestly I think in truth no one can say they’ve always done the right thing or never behaved in an inconsiderate or uncaring way, especially when in a rush or stressed out. No one is perfect and it’s hard to have empathy when you’re burnt out - you mention a baby and a difficult job, could this be the case for you?

Pressure can make people behave v strangely and out of character. Being pushed beyond our reasonable limits can damage our mental and emotional health so try and take a few days and just quietly take stock to see what has changed or even accumulated in your world that might have had/be having a damaging impact. It’s not exactly the same, but I had a traumatic birth and suffered a dissociative episode soon after in hospital when my reality altered for several days and was frightening, it was induced by trauma, blood loss and sleep deprivation. I think in a much lesser extent people can dissociate when they are under strain (either intensive short periods or for long periods of time with chronic strain/stress) like a survival mode and sort of shut out the wider world. It sounds like you used to be more caring and the changes you describe are not your ‘normal’. Being aware of it and not happy about it is a positive sign and getting some therapy sounds like it would be a good idea.

It’s not easy to admit you have problems with empathy disconnect. There will be a reason and a good counsellor will help you unpick it and move forwards. The majority of replies on here will be chiding (as you probably guessed they would) but you cared enough to post and take all the keyboard lashing so I hope you feel brave enough to take some steps to get some help IRL.
Sorry if this sounds trite, but try practicing kindness with yourself first. A lack of self worth can be masked behind empathy issues, if you can value yourself more it’s easier to value those around you, even randoms on MN trying to help 😊

To me you sound rather detached from everyday life. You quietly continue to be low key selfish in an unobtrusive way so, fine. From your answers to other comments, and your full awareness of this trait, it seems you still do the right/polite thing when being observed. And generally that is all people care about. So you’re good, aren’t you..? If this actually really bothered you, you’d make more of an effort to be engaging/ed. Or do you simply not have the energy? That throws up lots of other questions, about your fitness and nutrition levels, especially if you’ve had a baby. I really hope you can come through this. It just sounds very isolating to me.

I’m probably the complete opposite of you, I almost cried thinking of a snail wing stood on there, however, many people I know are pretty manipulative, self serving and
/or pretty fake when I get to know them for long enough so I find you very bloody refreshing and quite likeable to be honest!

I feel like this too much of the time, but different examples- I feel very strongly about kindness to animals and your treading on a snail thing would /does upset me. But most people, not too bothered.

I feel like I’ve learned what is socially acceptable and put on the correct act. So most people wouldn’t know unless they’ve known me very well for a long time.

Nobody is perfect, but yes, you are a bit shit and you know it.

If not stopping at crossings is a sign of a sociopath, there's something seriously wrong in my town....

Psalm 14.3: there is none who do good, no, not one.

We all fall short of God's glory. Some of the most pious, "do-gooder" type folk could be burying the most wickedness in their hearts. The thing is, we can't see motives. God does and sees the heart and judges according.

Have you always felt like this, or is this more of a recent thing? It does sound rather unusual. How do you feel about other things in your life? Do you feel low, frustrated, apathetic, stressed, or do you feel joy and enthusiasm about life? You're obviously aware enough to feel concerned about feeling this way.

The birthdays, gender reveal and child crying as they want a toy at soft play are bad examples because I don’t think any of us give a crap to be honest. I could care less about the gender of other people’s children, other people’s kids crying because they want a toy my child is using doesn’t make me feel bad or anything really and birthdays for other adults I also don’t care about. Weird examples!

The rushing past someone in a wheelchair to get to the bathroom is really weird. How often does that even come up?!

This is a good point. I used to always be putting others first and I had a long period of being a carer. I’ve noticed since burning out after a few really tough years of it I lack empathy and am so much angrier. I have wondered whether it is compassion fatigue.

You seem to have a complete lack of empathy and this is leading you to act badly when you think you can get away with it. In particular towards those you perceive to be weaker than yourself - children, animals, disabled people.
It sounds like you meet some criteria for antisocial personality disorder - if you want to change the way you behave then therapy such as CBT can help.
i note that only 1/3 think you are not being unreasonable but wonder if this is because of the way you have phrased the question (ie 1/3 think you are not being unreasonable to believe you are a horrible person rather than 1/3 thinking your behaviour is not unreasonable)

Tbh I think more people are like you than they would care to admit. I see this behaviour all the time in London! I feel like the city brings out the worst in people, including me. There’s so much bad behaviour you just end up doing it yourself (I am generally considerate but lately have started being really aggressive, I think I am just sick and tired of all the anti social behaviour).

I don’t think you are a psychopath or even a sociopath either.

Your examples are interesting because many of them I think are normal and nothing to do with being nice or not. But others do seem to lack compassion for others, eg not slowing down when you could to let an elderly person cross, or rushing to get the disabled loo. With regard to those, can you say why they aren’t nice or why they lack compassion?

I am no expert but I do listen to the odd criminal profiling podcast and from what I have gathered, psychopaths are not self loathing or down on themselves. They don’t question whether they are nice, they don’t care and don’t want to change. They won’t have memories of times they felt genuine compassion.

Can I ask…have you experienced much anxiety or fear in life, either on behalf of yourself or someone else? Do you worry about things, or even feel fear in terms of physical things like reckless activity or extreme sport? Did you ever hurt an animal purely for your own pleasure or entertainment? Do you ever feel worried or burdened by serious responsibility for others in your job or personal life, I don’t mean worried about the impact on yourself but rather worried about doing enough or doing things well so that others won’t be hurt or disadvantaged. If you found yourself on a thread on here late a night and someone seemed suicidal, how would feel if you had to engage with them? How would you handle that situation?

I would be interested in those things if you would like to say but understand you may not want to. My impression so far though is that while you may not be the most selfless empath out there, you are really just a bit emotionally withdrawn, defensive, jaded.

@Cannongoose

Yes narcissists are absolutely capable of feigning any kind of behaviour when it suits them, I would imagine the majority of the fathers for justice are NPD’s.

Your ex-partner and anyone like him are not posting their innermost thoughts on anonymous forums looking for feedback though.