To think I’m not a nice person?

I agree with others who think that you might be depressed. One of the signs of depression is numbed emotions and this can also show up as reduced empathy. Life becomes hard to cope with so you just get through the day as best you can. You also express self aversion which fits with depression. I don’t think you are a psychopath / sociopath as you haven’t always been like this, you have seen a change in the way you relate to others. You said that psychotherapy isn’t on the cards at the moment, if that’s for financial reasons you can get support via your GP, meds and talking therapy combined have the best outcome.
https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/urgent-support/#talking-therapies
this link gives info about other services that can help if you need mental health support.
You do seem concerned about your behaviour and attitude to others which is a positive thing. Good luck OP, I hope you find support to figure out what’s actually going on for you and to help you be more the person you used to be, if that’s what you want.

Bottom line is are you happy with who you are? If so are then carry on as you are, if there are things that you think needs changing then change those things, change because you want to not because society or other people expect you too.

I think the selfishness is a coping device. You've got only so much energy left and everything else can do one. The fact you want to change this speaks well of you and I think you should be applauded for noticing it and questioning yourself. We're all shaped by our environments and maybe you've developed a veneer of toughness from a difficult few years that has now got a bit too much. You've learned to dismiss or squash some of your empathic feelings to preserve yourself - you can work on that, good luck.

Damn, and I thought I was a cold hearted bitch.

The wheelchair one is disgustingly vile.

I’m thinking narcissist. Empathy isn’t felt “towards” someone, it is felt as it would if it was happening to you personally. As you describe it, being reserved only for close family and friends, it’s more likely the feeling you have is measured by how it impacts you - strangers have no impact. With narcissists it’s all about “me” - does it benefit or inconvenience me? You’ve practically admitted it yourself. Unfortunately you can’t change that but be aware you are at risk of a narcissistic meltdown if life starts to conspire against you - as inevitably it will - and that is not a pleasant experience for those around you because that’s when the blame game kicks in because of course it won’t be your own fault (in your view) it will be theirs.

…entitlement

….Entitlement

So immensely true 💚

I have to agree with you on the crying child wanting the toy your kid has, nothing used to irritate me more than the entitled parent la who think they can guilt you into letting their kid play with something that doesn’t belong to them in the name of “sharing”. That’s not how life works and their kids are going to also grow up to be entitled. I got yelled at by a woman once because I didn’t make my kid share the empty plastic water bottle he was playing with at the park with water features. It wasn’t even a toy!

I have no view on whether you're a nice person or not. That's a fairly subjective judgement and we only have your examples to judge you by.

I will, however, say that you are massively ENTITLED.

Why has it got worse as you've aged? I'd guess, propaganda. The prevailing narrative for women has shifted from subservience and empathy, to assertiveness and taking what you (think you) deserve.

I daresay you are slowly losing friends, assuming you even have any.

I've already posted but seeing your further comments ,I wanted to add that it's good that your acknowledging your behaviour. Also ignore posters saying you're showing sociopathic or psychopathic tendencies. They're being unnecessarily unkind. You are able to feel guilty , which a sociopath or psychopath would never feel.

I thought that

I’ve worked with people with disabilities, they are just human, just because they have a disability does not automatically mean they are nice people. There are some that play on their disability and use it to gain advantage in any given situation.

I remember one blind lady in particular who was disagreeable from when we first met and then became obnoxious and rude, I wouldn’t put up with it from a person without any disabilities so having a disability makes no impression on me. She thought she could play on my kindness and politeness and use it to her advantage, once she crossed my boundary I let her know in no uncertain terms I wouldn’t put up with her nonsense any longer. Then she turned the tears on and uttered words like ‘ don’t you know I’m blind…well the white stick and helping her in the vehicle made it pretty obvious to me she was blind.

Just recently I had to put someone in a vehicle in their wheelchair, by law I have to make sure that the wheelchair is strapped in securely, the wheelchair user managed to get herself up the ramps with the help of her friend. I had to manoeuvre the wheelchair in quite a cramped area, I have a bad back and I was hunched over trying into place the chair and strap her in , immediately her friend piped up

‘Don,t touch her’

WTF, I was making sure she was strapped in, I was not allowed to proceed until she was strapped in, I am fully enhanced DBS checked and have been since it was first introduced. There were four witnesses ( her friends) there to see what I was doing her friend just wanted to make herself more important that what she really is.

I don’t care for anyone’s disability. Its sad I know, but being a complete dick is not going to make life easier for them. I will go out of my way to help people, elderly ,infirm, disabled, kids but if they become an obnoxious, I’ll just walk away and leave them to their own devices.

Well, omg, the answer to your question imo you are an absolute bovine Can’t say c0w cis I’ll get. Banned

Thank you for your compassionate kindness & empathetic enlightenments
God Bless You&Yours Gloriously Forevermore
💚🤗💚

Just so that you know, many people who need to use a disabled toilet have continence and urgency issues. You delaying them from being able to use the toilet in a timely manner could well result in those people soiling themselves while they wait.

A lot of being a good, decent person is in actions, it doesn't really matter what you feel. Allowing an elderly person time to cross the road without feeling hurried, giving way to others when it's safe to do so even if you don't have to, relocating a spider instead of squishing it are all choices you can choose to make, even if you feel nothing much.

I've become a bit desensitised due to meds I am on for mental health. But id never deliberately kill a creature without feeling guilt (partly because I was brought up to respect nature) and yoi totally lost me at the part about barging past a wheelchair user, which is so inconsiderate and selfish. The rest of the stuff you mentioned doesn't really bother me.

There is no perfect way to live life, anyone who pretends there is, is fooling themselves. We all have our ‘red lines’ and other than that, you’re on your own. We do have a thing called society or community, and that’s worth considering, but sometimes you do have to put yourself first, and it’s probably OK. Don’t be a sociopath, try your best, and generally you’ll do OK. Fair?

I think I can relate to feeling like this, I wouldn’t push past someone disabled to use their toilet for my DDs but I do get frustrated with people in general and have little patience. However I am in the trenches with a newborn and a 2 year old getting no sleep and feeling really overwhelmed and undersupported and under resourced and it’s hard to look after others when your own basic needs aren’t being met.

I think it’s much easier to be kind when you have all your needs met and plenty of resources available to you as well as support network and are generally happy.

I agree, I’m particularly worried for the child!

Pretty is pretty does
people will judge you on your actions if you do the right things the right things will happen
if you keep over analysing you may need emotional support/help have you discussed this with your G.P they can probably refer for a psychiatric evaluation
maybe you can look for a different forum to address your specific situation
l

You're not a bad person, you're just a bit empathetically inept. It's a survival skill to be selfish.
I actually found this really relatable. I used to feel the same way a lot in my 20s and early 30s very self-absorbed and not naturally kind. My favourite acronym was W.I.I.F
M (what's in it for me) Then life hit me with some tough times and I had to rely on other people’s kindness. That’s when I realized how much it can matter, even if it feels small.
My friend’s nan died recently. In my head I was thinking, “Well, she was in her 90s, you must have expected it.” But instead I made sure to say, “I’m so sorry, if there’s anything I can do, let me know.” I basically “fake” the kindness because I know it’s what’s socially acceptable; and more importantly, I know how much it meant to me when people showed me kindness even though they didn’t have to.
So for me, it’s less about naturally feeling it, and more about practicing it because I’ve learned how powerful it can be.
Try not to race wheelchair users to the bathroom, life change really easily it could be you or someone you live one day.
Hold open a door for an elderly person occasionally.

I agree @HevenlyMeS speaks to me of overwhelm, numbness, disconnect. Possibly depression, she has a baby so could be PND. I hope the OP has support IRL and can get help

I've got it! You're my next door neighbour aren't you?! She's a selfish biatch. 😒

That’s what I was thinking too, sociopathic tendencies. I wonder if I have that too, I don’t do the things you do but some are similar to things I do. I also don’t suffer fools gladly and have ADHD.