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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I’m not a nice person?

819 replies

He1h · 14/08/2025 19:25

I CAN be nice but overall I don’t think I am. There are genuine sentiments I feels where I want to do the right thing or where I feel genuine empathy towards someone. Mainly family or close friends which I guess is normal.

But there’s so many things I hear about where I basically can’t understand how anyone could be bothered… examples…

Stepping on a snail or killing a spider in your home. I feel nothing, maybe a mild acknowledgment that it’s a bit cruel but a few seconds later I’m over it.

My friend’s family pet died when she was in her late twenties and she was devastated for around 3 weeks. I thought it was ridiculous (I didn’t say that obviously).

People getting bothered when they’re above the age of 18 and their birthday can’t be celebrated on that specific day.. who cares?!

Gender reveals… I literally could not give a fuck what gender your baby is, I do not want to have a ‘reveal’ because I am simply not interested.

When someone’s child is crying at a park of soft play because they want the toy my child has…I have zero compassion and just want said child to go away.

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

If my toddler needs to use the disabled bathroom when we are out, and the baby changing is in there, I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in (if I can manage it in a socially acceptable way). I don’t care that they may need it more than me/DD.

There’s lots more. I can be very kind and considerate but largely I think I’m mostly about myself/immediate family and couldn’t care less about anything else. I often think I will make up for this shitty behaviour later on in life. Then of course I don’t. How awful are these things? Am I just a bit shit?

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 14/08/2025 21:10

No compassion! It could be a sign of a failed attachment at birth. I'm not saying your Mother didn't love and care for you but a child and parental bond can still fail.

Othersnotsomuch · 14/08/2025 21:09

He1h · 14/08/2025 20:57

@Mysticguru so your approach is not to try and help someone trying to change? I guess by that analysis you too will come across the word no more and more.

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Don’t blame anyone aside from yourself op

your response to this poster is also telling

depressing you have a child

Othersnotsomuch · 14/08/2025 21:09

He1h · 14/08/2025 20:57

@Mysticguru so your approach is not to try and help someone trying to change? I guess by that analysis you too will come across the word no more and more.

Show quote history

Don’t blame anyone aside from yourself op

your response to this poster is also telling

depressing you have a child

FuglyBitch · 14/08/2025 21:08

People seem to be generally becoming more selfish and less empathetic with other humans.

One day you’ll be the elderly, slower person who needs the disabled toilets, and you’ll be wishing the world had kinder, more considerate, patient people around you.

I try to live my life by the mantra of “Be the change you wish to see in the world” - there’s so much negativity, and cr*p going on in the world, try being nice, you might feel happier ❤️

Original poster
He1h · 14/08/2025 21:08

Greengagesnfennel · 14/08/2025 21:07

This.

I’m curious - can you genuinely find happiness living like this? How do you feel when you do these things?

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@Greengagesnfennel i feel rubbish about myself. I don’t have pride in myself anymore I’m just trying to get through the days.

OP posts:
SeriaMau · 14/08/2025 21:07

Are you rich?

Greengagesnfennel · 14/08/2025 21:07

RepoTheGeriatricOpera · 14/08/2025 19:33

A lot of that does indicate that you're not a very nice person at all.

Are you going to do anything about it, or just carry on as you are?

This.

I’m curious - can you genuinely find happiness living like this? How do you feel when you do these things?

BrickBiscuit · 14/08/2025 21:06

Straightjacketsandroses · 14/08/2025 20:35

See my previous post. I suspect I’m on the sociopathy spectrum, and I still think behaving like this shows bad manners and a slovenly, selfish outlook. I think a sociopath would take my more pride in how they are perceived

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… but not by displaying ‘good manners’.

LeafyLou · 14/08/2025 21:06

I think you should be careful with the elderly people at the crossing.

Reading your posts I have a sense that you are rushed off your feet or are anxious or panicked about time. Wanting the kid at softplay to leave your child alone immediately. Rushing past the person going to the disabled loo. Rushing past crossings with elderly people waiting to cross.

Where is the patience in your day? Maybe trying to slow down first at crossings (this is the one that needs to change immediately), is a good first step.

Blondiney · 14/08/2025 21:05

Typical entitled arsehole. They're 10 a penny these days, unfortunately.

Teanbiscuits33 · 14/08/2025 21:03

BunnyLake · 14/08/2025 20:55

Yes, I think if you’re quite happy in yourself you don’t tend to call people who have done you no wrong and not behaving in an offensive way, nasty names , even if it’s just in your head. You just go about your business.

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Yep, exactly. Secure people don’t drag others down needlessly, and when you stop judging others, you also stop judging yourself because you realise that no one is perfect and there’s plenty of others who have things they would rather change about themselves. The older I have got, the less judgemental I have got and the more secure in myself I’ve become. It’s nice to not give a stuff 😂

The way I see it is, a fat person has no effect on my life whatsoever, I don’t know them or anything about their life and them being fat doesn’t dictate how good a person they are. There’s no need to comment.

Enigma53 · 14/08/2025 21:02

FTHC · 14/08/2025 20:43

Before I had my surgery you're rushing passed me to get to the accessible toilet would probably mean I shat myself, so thanks 😒

Same.
Im on iv chemo,my whole digestive system is in turmoil. I’ve needed the loo in an emergency on occasions now.

Another “ thanks” OP.

westartfires · 14/08/2025 21:02

Agree with PP it sounds like narcissism

Original poster
He1h · 14/08/2025 21:00

ThatCyanCat · 14/08/2025 20:45

How would you feel about somebody who cared just as little about you? Was careful to get past you and your toddler to the accessible loo first even if it did seem like you needed it more urgently? Who had zero compassion for your child wanting a toy and just wanted them to go away? Who didn't care if you were waiting to cross the road? All the things you don't care about with other people, how would you feel about someone who was the exact same way about you?

@ThatCyanCat i would think they were unpleasant but not think much more of it. I guess I expect that most people are like this but from this thread I can see I am wrong on that!

OP posts:
AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 14/08/2025 20:59

Gosh. I very rarely wish bad things on people but I genuinely hope karma catches up with you and makes you experience life in a wheelchair at some point.

beetr00 · 14/08/2025 20:59

@He1h karma is coming for you 😉

sounds more like compassion fatigue after a series of difficult times for you.

Original poster
He1h · 14/08/2025 20:58

housethatbuiltme · 14/08/2025 20:55

So your a literal narcissist?

As in the disorder, so you only care about you own needs (or inconvenience to you) and lack basic empathy to other people/living things lives unless they are beneficial to your life.

Strange thread... therapy is usually the normal route if you can care enough to want to change.

@housethatbuiltme possibly, I’m not sure if I am actually a narcissist but I can see the traits correspond. I want to start therapy but can’t at the moment

OP posts:
MrsSunshine2b · 14/08/2025 20:57

It's clear you lack empathy and that's not fully your fault, however, you KNOW that in the examples above you SHOULD feel empathy and are willingly doing the wrong thing. So yes, I'd say that makes you not a very nice person. Lots of people struggle to feel empathy but still know the difference between right and wrong, and more importantly, do the right thing when they can.

SpaceRaccoon · 14/08/2025 20:57

You're probably somewhere on the psychopath spectrum. Not something you can help really - you don't sound like you do anything that bad (aguably the disabled toilet aside) so don't worry about it.

Original poster
He1h · 14/08/2025 20:57

Mysticguru · 14/08/2025 20:35

And there's the rub.

The answer is no!

And you'll come across that word more and more in life.

You'll figure it out. Hopefully you won't be a lonely old person when you do.

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@Mysticguru so your approach is not to try and help someone trying to change? I guess by that analysis you too will come across the word no more and more.

OP posts:
housethatbuiltme · 14/08/2025 20:55

So your a literal narcissist?

As in the disorder, so you only care about you own needs (or inconvenience to you) and lack basic empathy to other people/living things lives unless they are beneficial to your life.

Strange thread... therapy is usually the normal route if you can care enough to want to change.

BunnyLake · 14/08/2025 20:55

Teanbiscuits33 · 14/08/2025 20:50

Because it makes people feel better about their own shortcomings. That’s why I don’t give a shit about what other people think or say about me because I know they’re saying it because they’re insecure themselves. That poster might be calling a stranger a fat bitch, but there will be things about her that she hates and others could comment on just as much. Like the fact she’s a cow 😂

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Yes, I think if you’re quite happy in yourself you don’t tend to call people who have done you no wrong and not behaving in an offensive way, nasty names , even if it’s just in your head. You just go about your business.

TammyJones · 14/08/2025 20:54

Enigma53 · 14/08/2025 19:31

You are being mean to the wheel chair user, who needs access to a toilet; sorry!!!

Yes , I was ok , until that bit .. mean.

Holmints · 14/08/2025 20:54

BunnyLake · 14/08/2025 20:38

People who put their feet up on the seats opposite them are ignorant, dirty little shits in my view. They are the people you know were not brought up properly, have anti social tendencies and disgust the passengers around them.

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I agree. Scruffbags with no manners.

arcticpandas · 14/08/2025 20:54

I think you have been given a hard time on here @He1h . You don't sound like a sociopath to me, just a bit selfish.

Stepping on a snail or killing a spider in your home.
Considering that most people eat meat I don't think they can berate you for this. (Vegetarian myself)

My friend’s family pet died when she was in her late twenties and she was devastated for around 3 weeks. I thought it was ridiculous.
If you haven't had a close relationship with an animal I understand that you find it ott to be so bereaved for "just an animal". Here again, I think you are not the only one.

People getting bothered when they’re above the age of 18 and their birthday can’t be celebrated on that specific day.. who cares?!
Exactly. I don't even care about celebrating my birthday at all but DH insists. I find it quite ridiculous how precious adults can be about their birthdays, maybe they are narcissists 😉?

Gender reveals… I literally could not give a fuck what gender your baby is, I do not want to have a ‘reveal’ because I am simply not interested.
Completely ridiculous, I agree. It's only interesting to the parents and perhaps grand-parents.

When someone’s child is crying at a park of soft play because they want the toy my child has…I have zero compassion and just want said child to go away.
Well, why would you have compassion for a child throwing a tantrum because they want a toy? I love children in general but I can't say I have "compassion" when they are frustrated about something they want.
Would you have compassion for a child that was badly hurt? I would think yes.

So you're not a psychopath, quite normal but perhaps a bit selfish/rude taking up disabled people's toilets. Then again, if no alternative and if noone is there and you're quick..